Pronouns

[Guest My_Genesis]

I'm totally okay with people referring to me using male pronouns. But when people do it in person, it feels weird to me. Is that normal? I mean, I'm so used to people who know me using female pronouns that as weird as it is for them to get comfortable using male pronouns, it's pretty weird for me as well. If someone I only know through the internet, or say someone I know through Laura's (anyone who's never met me in person, basically) uses male pronouns, they fit. I would not like if I was referred to w/ female pronouns on the internet. I would correct people. The male ones just fit. That's who I am.

I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced this? I think it's because since I don't actually look like a guy (i.e. people who know me have known me as a girl for most of the time), I don't feel like the pronoun fits my appearance I guess.

Maybe it's just because I'm so literal and take things at face value. I have a mtf friend who's pre-transition and prefers female pronouns, so I try to use them but for some reason I feel weird about using them, I'd rather just use male ones, b/c right now "she" doesn't look like a "she." And I feel bad saying this b/c we are both trans and I should respect people's wishes to use the pronouns they want you to use. But even in my own case, I guess I feel like the pronouns don't match the appearance and people who know me and call me he just seems unfitting. Even though I am definitely NOT a "she."

Does this make sense to anyone?

[Sally]

I do believe that it is a matter of getting used to it.

When I am in male mode like for work if someone calls me ma'am or miss or she I get a bit uneasy but when in female mode I only notice if someone uses a male pronoun - it is what you are used to.

I talk with my friends a lot and when a group of us are on Skype together it is always she or her and it just seems right because it is.

Once you are full time it will be a lot more natural.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Elizabeth K]

No

Lizzy

[Guest Donna Jean]

Hon.....I understand what you are saying......

And at first I didn't really mind the male pronouns used with me, but the further I go on my transition, the more I need the female pronouns...

Now, I'm very forgiving in both pronouns and name....but at this point for me it needs to start being female...

And my friends are respecting that and my sister and my wife...

And a large part of it is how I feel now and how I look now, because I can be quite passable...

So, anymore I want the correct pronouns used on both the internet and in RL....

Now my wife will say..."Riley, get away from Donna Jean...she's doing her nails!".............that I like!

Although when people get my name or pronoun wrong I don't bite their head off...some have known me for 45 years....Heck, I'm fair....

Huggs

Donna Jean

[Guest joeytheman16]

It definitely takes some getting used to. Especially with people you have known for a while. I am just now getting used to my best friend of 7 years using male pronouns. But with people I have recently met, I feel completely comfortable with them using only male pronouns.

I hope that makes some sense and helps at least a little!

Joey

[Guest Evan_J]

lol gotta love Lizzy...only woman in the world who can charm me with "no" lol

It's not that it feels wrong. No, it doesn't. Its that it sounds "wierd" at first. Just like a new name (once its legal) will for a min

Then its just taken for granted.

At first when store clerks would holler out "sir" over some distance I might or might not turn around instinctively.

But turned more often than I wanted to for the other (oh the pain)

NOW I only ever turn around for "sir" instinctively.

Its just habit.

In a while one habit will replace the old one.

[Guest My_Genesis]

lol gotta love Lizzy...only woman in the world who can charm me with "no" lol

It's not that it feels wrong. No, it doesn't. Its that it sounds "wierd" at first. Just like a new name (once its legal) will for a min

Then its just taken for granted.

At first when store clerks would holler out "sir" over some distance I might or might not turn around instinctively.

But turned more often than I wanted to for the other (oh the pain)

NOW I only ever turn around for "sir" instinctively.

Its just habit.

In a while one habit will replace the old one.

lol. was it no to the "is it normal" or no to the "am i making any sense"?

I know what you mean, sometimes when people (strangers) use female pronouns on me, my reactions are :cringe: and turn around, both at the same time. Which is weird but I guess it does make sense. You're right, it's a habit.

See, if at a store a clerk said sir, or any other stranger used male pronouns, that is exactly what I want. what joey said

It definitely takes some getting used to. Especially with people you have known for a while. I am just now getting used to my best friend of 7 years using male pronouns. But with people I have recently met, I feel completely comfortable with them using only male pronouns.

I hope that makes some sense and helps at least a little!

Joey

is exactly what I'm getting at. If I meet people as a guy, then they'd better not use female pronouns on me.

[Guest Evan_J]

lol. was it no to the "is it normal" or no to the "am i making any sense"?

Dude, it was no and it came from a woman. That means "no to whatever you're talkin about". LOL

[Sally]

That isn't entirely true, Evan.

Women say "No I couldn't accept that bracelet." which actually means - I'm going to pretend I can't once more so don't pull it away or I will break your arm.

Most of the time no is just a blanket statement meaning - you're a guy so what do you know about anything - sorry but that is generally how women talk about men they call them childish and stupid but I don't agree, I have known to many mature and intelligent men - Like Evan.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest My_Genesis]

Dude, it was no and it came from a woman. That means "no to whatever you're talkin about". LOL

lol, and what, I am supposed to understand women as well as you do?

[Flint]

When i meet someone as male first, i don't find it weird at all it just fits...But when/if someone i know starts calling me he even though i want them to i get a bit like "Hmm....it's a bit weird" but then i don't have much experience on that because anyone who did know me before i came out as trans still refuse to call me he or a male name. But i did at one time have a therapist i'd been seeing for a while who i then talked about this issue with and she started calling me he and at first it felt a little weird cause she had called me by my birthname and by female pronouns for about a year or so. I think it's only natural cause even for us it is somewhat a change. Even if we see it that we've always been male...we haven't always been referred to that way.

[Guest NatashaJade]

You definitely have to get used to anything new, but you know you're not a "she", so he should feel right, even if it feels new. When people address me as Gin or Virginia, it is new, but I know they are talking to me and it feels right. Even though I accept it when they use the name my parents gave me, which I've had for many years, it is not what I prefer, but I can deal with it...for now. There will come a point when it is Virginia or Gin or no response. When I am she or her, not he or him. Your friend wants you to address her as she is, so accept her as she wants to be. Even though she doesn't yet appear on the outside to be what she is on the inside, she will. Give her time for her outside to catch up and respect who she is on the inside...and do the same for yourself.

luv

Gin

[Guest Girl Emily]

My Genesis,

I haven't changed enough or come out to anybody as to rate a female pronoun. However on Friday I will be having my first GT appointment; she has already expressed her desire to use my new name in everything but contracts and billing. As I present male it is an uncomfortable though pleasent thought.

Huggs,

[Guest Evan_J]

lol, and what, I am supposed to understand women as well as you do?

No grasshoppa', thats why I was breakin it down to you. They're tidbits but they add up

That isn't entirely true, Evan.

Women say "No I couldn't accept that bracelet." which actually means - I'm going to pretend I can't once more so don't pull it away or I will break your arm.

ACTUALLY when women say "no" in that circumstance they actually do mean "no".

Its that they are not verbalizing the REST of what they are telling you.

The ENTIRE statement is "No I couldn't possibly accept that bracelet with the terms attached that I suspect you must have" This is what you have to understand about women (MG, other fellas who may not realize it.....) They do say what they mean. Its that sometimes they leave parts off that should be said.

What should be said is exactly what I wrote, the two of them stop at that point and they discuss exactly what it is he wants/is after/expects should this gift be taken and(critical) she tell him whether or not she's gonna give that. If she says no, he should leave it alone. If she says yes its a deal then (and the deal isn't always over sex, thats not always -though maybe it often is- what it is the guy is trading over. SOME times the woman may propose SOMETHING ELSE. NOT what the man was after. Thats a new negotiation and either he is interested in the alternate proposal or HE can say no. Either way, no is no. I think (personal) that men do "trade" all during a relationship. That includes during marriage. Yessss I had a woman argue with me recently over that point. But I do think it. I think this B.S. (cuz both do it) of assuming the other person "knew what you meant" is exactly that and needs to be cut the heck out for both sakes. I think that whatever it is the person wanting something wants should actually have been addressed outside of the material exchange. That if you give a woman something without ever getting her agreement that it means "x" that it means not jack. And that if you are a man who has given a gift and have found yourself being looked at like you are crazy for expecting something after failing to actually conversate about what it is going on between the two of you and having her agree regarding that then that is your problem and you need to suck it up, write it off, and walk the hell off with the lesson about why not to do that cuz its all you are entitled to. I think that women who do exchange sex for items (and it includes houses, life insurance policies, washer driers and applies to those folks who take the title of "wives" not just "dates") are engaging in nothing but socially sanctioned prostitution and thats exactly why the gift giving needs to happen outside of "expectations". And finally I think that if you give a gift, and things blow up after the fact and you "want it back" you are a lame man.

But nobody asked me what I thought

[Guest 91curiouskitten]

I feel same way except I'm still not even used to it over the internet and kinda thing

[Guest My_Genesis]

I feel same way except I'm still not even used to it over the internet and kinda thing

It's funny, over the internet if people say "hey dude" or "hey man how's it going?" I'm comfortable with that. Also, I have an internet-only (female) friend who likes to say sir all the time I became Facebook friends with her and she was like "dang, sir, you are a fan of a lot of awesome people and pages", another time: "it's alright, sir." that im okay with, even though the sir thing is not a very common way of addressing your peers lol... but say on my Facebook profile (it's always back to Facebook or YouTube because I am addicted to those sites - hey there are worse things to be addicted to on the internet ) it'll say "R.J. changed his interests" "R.J. just set his high score for the day" (if I'm playing a game) in that case it feels a little weird to me, and I think that's because on Facebook, most people already know me. And like i said, in the case people already know me, it's funny thinking that they are seeing male pronouns used on my profile. Also, it seems if it's used in the third person rather than second/addressing me (i.e., "hey man" vs. "he" or "his") it's harder to get used to third person. BUT say on YouTube someone refers to a comment I made on a video and says "I agree with what he said" or "Yeah what this guy said", THEN it feels comfortable, b/c it's people who don't know me personally.

Hopefully that makes sense.