If The Name You Were Given Is Androgynous...

[Guest Mirei]

Hello there...

If you were named with an androgynous name, would you change your name to better reflect your gender identity, or would you leave it as is? Or would you change it to some other androgynous name, even... Why would you change / not change? What would be the good things / bad things about changing / not changing?

Mirei

[Sally]

The bad thing about not changing your name is that even your friends who are trying so hard to get things right will have more trouble with the proper pronouns if the name remains the same.

You can never go stealth with the same name.

And now for the good thing - you never have to remember how you are dressed when someone calls out your name it is the same either way so you can just answer.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Donna Jean]

I think that I would pick a name that better reflects my chosen gender..

I know people that had names that could go either way...

Lynn

Chris

Don (Dawn)

Laverne (my dad's name-it used to be a man's name as did Shirley)

I want there to be no doubt as to my gender with my name!

Donna Jean

[Guest Mirei]

The bad thing about not changing your name is that even your friends who are trying so hard to get things right will have more trouble with the proper pronouns if the name remains the same.

You can never go stealth with the same name.

And now for the good thing - you never have to remember how you are dressed when someone calls out your name it is the same either way so you can just answer.

Love ya,

Sally

I didn't think about the first one... so even if it's androgynous, they will have trouble because it's the same name?

I wish I could go stealth some time in the future, but it would mean I would have to move somewhere pretty far away wouldn't it? It is not an option for me... I can't really choose where I live, I'm just given somewhere to live...

Mirei

[Guest Mirei]

I think that I would pick a name that better reflects my chosen gender..

I know people that had names that could go either way...

Lynn

Chris

Don (Dawn)

Laverne (my dad's name-it used to be a man's name as did Shirley)

I want there to be no doubt as to my gender with my name!

Donna Jean

Hmmm... I suppose so!

Maybe I'm thinking about it only because I'm not even comfortable with giving myself a proper name yet :-| maybe that's why I am playing with the idea of keeping the name...

Sigh... I have a long way to go to self-acceptance still it seems...

Mirei

[Guest Janessa]

My mom was going to name me Sam, actually, which is androgynous. Which I wish she would have, but my father named me after him and now I'm stuck with a male name. .-.

I probably would change my name anyway though, since I would think of Sam as my "guy name" if that had been my birth name. >.<

[Guest My_Genesis]

I do not have an androgynous name (my birth name is a female one), but I sometimes wish I had, to save me the effort of having to come up with an entirely new name and get used to people calling me that/answering to it.

However the method I used to change my name is somewhat androgynous. I took the first and middle initials of my name which happen to be R.J and then came up with male names that start with R and J from there.

There are plenty of natal guys that have androgynous names, so I wouldn't have a problem with having one.

[Sally]

Actually If The Name You Were Given Is Androgynous...People would constantly misspell it!

I tended to avoid names like Pat and Kim - I found a name that is very feminine because a lot of girls names are used for men too - Carrol, Francis and of course we all know about the boy named Sue!

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Jewel]

This was actually the case for me. I kept my birth name.

Both my first and middle names were unisex. My first name is a bit more common for girls, my middle name is a bit more common for boys.

(great site for name statistics, btw, is namestatistics.com)

Before I transitioned, most people called me by my middle name. When I came out to everyone and went full time, I asked that people start using my first name instead. This was for several reasons: (1) I always liked it better, really, (2) Jewel is more common as a girl's name, and (3) I hoped that having a different name to latch onto would help people with the pronoun issue.

So my experience: #3 was completely irrelevant. I could've had them continue to call me by my middle name or I could've changed my name to something completely different and clearly female and the same people who have problems now calling me "she" would STILL have problems calling me she. There seems to be a complete disconnect between the name and the gender perception, IMO. Your mileage may vary.

One thing that I hadn't thought much about beforehand but which turned out to be really useful - it's MUCH easier to be stealth, or at least "under the radar", when you don't have a name change following you around. If you change your name, there are all sorts of ways that this can come up. Your college alumni association. Some bank you used to have an account with. Or your old name is tied to your SSN or license # in some out of date database. Inevitably unless you completely change your entire identity, including SSN and all other ID #s, your old name is still floating around out there tied to your current identity.

I bought a house last year. Part of the mortgage document lists all the other names I've ever been known by or have in my credit records. In my case, there were only minor variations of my current name. So no one even paid attention to that section of the document. Despite having a big "M" on my driver's license, which they had a copy of, not a single person involved ever brought up the gender issue or seemed to notice that I had previously been male. I seriously doubt that would have been the case if I'd changed my name. They would have noticed the old name coming up in their credit or background checks and it's very likely they would've done some cross-referencing with my current IDs to double check that my name was correct.

Now I'm not stealth, so none of this matters that much. But still... I think you can never hope to be entirely stealth if you change your name. It's still difficult to be stealth without a name change, but it's a little easier, at least if your name isn't too unique.

[Guest Katrina_Carter]

I always assumed my real name was fairly androgynous, it's Carter. I went to that site linked above and it said that 0.0009% of men in the US are named that, but there wasn't even a listing for women. Guess it's time to start thinking of a decent name.

[Guest Lizzie McTrucker]

I made the top 5.

I probably would change my name, even if it was androgynous, just to symbolize a new start.

[Guest Bunny]

My first name is female. Nasty female at that. As in every female I've known with the name as been nasty. >.> The nickname from it is andro/male. My friends ask why I wouldn't keep it. Its Andi. The male version being Andrew. We agreed, that was no better then what my father wanted to name me were I born male. Robert.

Fine name for some people but not me. And just going by Andi? Seemed a bad choice as well. Though it is nice that no one actually uses my first name. My mother is more prone to yell out a dogs name then my sisters name, and very last my name when she needs me. Poor women, too many children and animal we're all the same now lol!

Jaden. Waaay more fitting. lol

[Guest Mirei]

Hello hello

It's great to read everyone's experience and insights here! Thanks so much for them. I have a name in mind that I would want to change to (after a mediaeval European monarch whom I admire), but so far I haven't used it anywhere except as my computer's log-on name. I had an alternative in mind though... maybe I should just choose an Asian name (actually I already have one in addition to my English name which no one uses and my friends don't even know it, but it's definitely *not* androgynous, at least in my language)...

Maybe I'll ask my friends to use that new name...

Mirei

[Guest Jordan.L]

Well I plan on always keeping my first name, but lol I might just change my middle name.

[Guest Sunshine]

My birth name was androgynous, but my mom changed it to something much more femme when she understood what was going on with me. (Sunshine is not my legal name) I liked my birth name a lot, and so kept it as my middle name. I still sometimes wish I had just stayed with the old name... but it was helpful for my mom, so not too much to ask.

[Flint]

I think it would be great to have an androgynous name while your in the stage where 1. you don't always pass (because looking male and having a VERY female name can make many social situations awkward!) 2. when your in the stage of still coming out and still not changed your name legally.

So yup an androgynous name is good, but i'd eventually want to change it to a name that reflects my gender truly.

[Guest My_Genesis]

I think it would be great to have an androgynous name while your in the stage where 1. you don't always pass (because looking male and having a VERY female name can make many social situations awkward!) 2. when your in the stage of still coming out and still not changed your name legally.

So yup an androgynous name is good, but i'd eventually want to change it to a name that reflects my gender truly.

yeah, see I'm still in the stage of coming out and just starting transition, and right now on Facebook I just changed my name to "R.J.", which i suppose is somewhat adrogynous, girls have names like that too (for example, Donna Jean and Mary Ellen on Laura's.) Now, if I were to put my full name up "Robert James", people would probably start asking questions... it's a smoother transition this way.

[Guest insanitylives]

Not that MY parents would have ever consitered using an androgynous name... but if they had I probably would still want to change it.

Its still attached to a female identity, and she isn't me and never will be.

[Guest Light Perpetual]

My given name is very, very sex-specific. Painfully so. It's a very traditional name, and I've never been particularly attached to it (I don't know what to do with it, though...). Had I been given an androgynous name from the get go, I don't know if I'd change it. It would depend on how I was before I realized my androgyny, and how much I wanted to distance myself from that prior image. And how much I liked it, too! I think if I identified with a more "traditional" (I guess?) gender, I'd want my name to reflect that identity, so I'd try to fine either a specifically masculine or feminine version of the name to avoid confusion.