The Management Of One's Life

[Guest Adam the Gentlemen]

I'm new and I have a lot to say.

But mostly what I'd like to say is that it seems trans -possibly more so teens- are expected to do so much. On top of coming out, getting help including therapy and medical, and trying to present yourself as the gender you identify as, you still have to just be a teenager! I find it stressful how much is expected of me. I try to do it all.

And as for identifying with my gender it never seems enough. I Cut my hair, hide my breasts, and wear mens clothes yet still people say ""hello young lady" mistakenly. I haven't started hormones, so I hope those will help people to stop mistaking me for a lady.

My question is how do you do it and what are we having trouble with?

Is it the recognition of our gender? Segregated bathrooms? Or even getting a job? <-- some of mine

Please spill your hearts out.

[MaryEllen]

Hello Adam,

Welcome to Laura's Playground. Talk away. We're listening.

MaryEllen

[Guest Adam the Gentlemen]

(Rhetorical Question- is it too late at night for forums? ha)

Ok, everything is going go so far. Next moth I think will be the biggest in my life. -mother and sister's graduation, summer vacation, my name change hearing, my drivers license, 17th birthday, and if mom gets her degree we Might go to my family doctor and talk about hormones. I may be paranoid but it seems like if one thing goes wrong it will be a train wreck.

Not to mention what things I'm doing now, biting my tongue when people mistake me, trying to apply for a job not know if the person I apply to is anti trans, darting around so people don't see me use the girls room, and trying to build my true friend base. and still trying to get a boyfriend.

[Guest Adam the Gentlemen]

Thanks Merry, hope it's not to much trouble being up so late, well, late for me.

[Guest Adam the Gentlemen]

But I'd like to hear from anyone at any later time. Goodnight

[Guest Evan_J]

Ok, this is about your passing stuff.

Sometimes (besides hormones) passing is in the way you're doing what you're doing.

Your hair may be short but does it have the details (fronts of ears, foreline, etc. ) of a mans haircut. Advice if possible: go to a barber not a "hair stylist" if you do.

Movement. Even with hormones, if you "move " like a woman people will call you one. Look at how you walk. Length of stride. Toes out. Relax your shoulders. Elbows more outward. Feet not so close together. Actually use your legs to walk, not your hips.

Pay attention to body language.

Also, when you pass strangers on the street, make eye contact. Not long lingering contact but definately acknowledge other men. Usually an upward nod suffices.

It actually is a "vibe". Its why MtFs , even if they have naturally small features, dress impecably , and have wonderful hair can sometimes get "sir". They (lots of times) are doing stuff the way a male would. Peeps will say "its just supporting a stereotype " or whatever, but the truth is all those little "details" do signal genders to people.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

yup

As Evan says - be yourself- what you really are. If you get the wrong pronouns, it could be you - it could be them, BUT there is a bad 'cue' there somehow. People have a split second to judge a stranger as male or as female. They tend to stay with the result of that decision. Its a combination of of cues probably - dress, hair, face, voice, body language, physical size... color of your shoe laces!

WHO KNOWS.

And male up if you feel that way? It should be no problem.

I am on the MTF side, and I worried - whining, hooooow am I eeeeeevr gonna learn all the things I need to know to be more feminine? Baby, I soon learned I had it all already, I just had to tap into it, I am ALREADY female, so the feminine in mind and soul... yikes... that part is already there.

Same for you. To be thought of as a guy, BE A GUY.

And get rid of those pink shoelaces...

Lizzy