Help, I Was Outed

[Guest Cayden]

Hello everyone,

I am really confused on what to do... My little sister ran away for the third time in three years because of her abusive boyfriend (he made her) and now (after we found her) she is living a couple of houses down with an elderly lady that is very Christian and she decide to tell this lady that I was transgender and she put it like this to the lady: "my sister thinks she is a boy." This elderly lady came over to the house the other day and said this back to my mom and this lady also added "I think it is ridiculous." She is very against anything that falls under the lines of LGBT. My mom said yes she is and that is something we will figure out with counseling. The only reason my mother said this was because of the attitude the elderly lady gave her. My mom really accepts me and would never actually mean something like that. That takes me to my question: I live in a very Christian (that is not very accepting) neighborhood and my sister outed me to the neighborhood gossip; what should I do? I fear for my family and how people will treat them when they find out and I also worry about the people I knew in high school finding out because they live on the corner of my street.

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Hi Cayden,

As far as people outside of your family are concerned... it is none of their business. Your parents can take cae for themselves and you. Do you have any idea what motivated your sister to out you? I wonder what she thought she was doing.

It sounds like your mother is planning to take you to see a therapist. Encourage her to bring you to a gender therapist. Even if she does not, hopefully a general therapist will refer you to a gender therapist.

I think everything is going to work out OK hon.

Don't worry.

I am pretty sure that your parents have everything well in hand

HUGS

Brenda

[Guest Cayden]

bernii: I really have no clue on why she did that expect to make me mad and it did not work. My parents want me to go to a gender therapist but I cannot until I can get insurance to cover it. My parents also do not have the funds to send me to a gender therapist. Thanks for the comment; my parents said the same thing... I worry too much so I had to ask.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Everyone can post here and say all sorta things. The bottom line is you are outed. I wouldn't worry too much. Eventully you know the whole world will know, and this is just how it is. Outing is always beyond your control! My wife got mad at me and outed me to three people - that was enough. Everyone in town knows.

And the Christian question? The more loving and faithfully church going Christian a person is, the more hateful they will be toward you! Apparently GOD hates us - Jesus says so - and the preacher will affirm it on the pulpit!

Not true - God made us this way for a purpose. Jesus preaches tolerance and love. It's that damnn preacher that feels he is better the more people that he can tear down. Hell is full of ordained ministers and priests.

So your Mom's support? PRICELESS!!!

Just know after two weeks you will be old news and the neighborhood will find someone new to talk about.

Lizzy

[Guest Evan_J]

I agree, your parents can take care of themselves and you. But, should you get caught in a nest of teens who make you feel panicky you could always go one of a few ways. (Mind you , I do not always have the most adult answers in these matters)

If asked "is it true"

You could say: "Why don't you ask her. She's who you got the first half of your story from, get the rest from her", shrug, blow em off and leave. (<--I probably like this one best)

or

"Why are you asking me about what a girl who runs away from home 'because her boyfriend said so' says?" -(though this could prompt sister to "throw you under the bus" and farther escalate things)

As for why your sister said it, likely because she is all mixed up in her thinking about the boyfriend and it sounds like he has waaay too much control over her. She can't figure out her own life and you (or anybody else) having any situation at all remotely stressful is killing the rest of her judgement/coping abilities. And that's not that you are causing her a problem. Its that her brain cells have been so screwed up prior to learning about your situation that she can't responsibly process too much of anything anymore by herself.

You have "something you're figuring out". Your sister however sounds like she honestly has "problems" and they are in the form of that boyfriend.

[Guest Anna_Banana]

The advice you may not want to hear:

Prepare for the fallout. I'm not saying something is going to happen, but you can't take chances. Having grown up in rougher pastures, being complacent with what's happening isn't always the best solution. Those that disagree with you may respond in a confrontational manner as they would any man. I've seen and experienced violent Christians who hypocritically preach "turn the other cheek." I'm not telling you to go out there and start trouble where trouble hasn't occurred, but trouble can come knocking at your door step. Know your rights and be ready, if need be, to assert them. And absolutely do not take "no" for an answer. You have basic human rights and you don't deserve to be threatened, bullied, harassed, or terrorized.

.Anna

[Guest angie]

I was outed very early,repeatedly.

You learn to deal with it as a part of becoming yourself.

I would tell your sister that it is your life,your transition.

She has no right to say anything to anyone.That is your

decision who to tell,when to tell,and no one else has that

right but you. And you will have to be firm about.

Angie

[Guest viv]

Cayden, sorry Hun, that was unfortunate your sister doing that to you .

If you can forgive ,do . She may be on the biggest guilt trip in history .

Hold out the hand Hun ,,if you can do that . Re the religious brigade ??

I honestly cant comment there without bustin my gut !!!!!Hope the

fallout dont become too much of a burden on you . The gang"s here

for you tho ,,,,,,,,luv,viv

[Guest chngnwnd]

I have had the religious discussion with a friend of mine who is a Christian like me and he is gay. He shared with me how he likes to respond to Christians who typically cite the prohibitions and limitations on sexuality listed in Leviticus of the old testament:

Leviticus also forbids even handling pork and pork products - including pigskins - therefore it is also a sin to play football or eat bacon - of the same magnitude you say my lifestyle is.

Those may not be the exact words - but it is the general sentiment. Basically, if you are ascibe to this belief system - the original covenants that God made with the Israelites are lasting and forever and, as a Christian, you may adhere to those covenants, but you cannot customize them to suit your prejudices. However, the new covenant contained in the Gospels supercedes all of that and those of us who are Christians are admonished to love one another (including ourselves) as Christ loved us. There is no asterik with a footnote at the bottom of the page that say: excepting, of course. anyone who is different from society's preconceived notions of what is normal - and especially excepting LGBT individuals.

Sorry - don't mean to sound preachy.

Bobby

[Guest Cayden]

Everyone can post here and say all sorta things. The bottom line is you are outed. I wouldn't worry too much. Eventully you know the whole world will know, and this is just how it is. Outing is always beyond your control! My wife got mad at me and outed me to three people - that was enough. Everyone in town knows.

And the Christian question? The more loving and faithfully church going Christian a person is, the more hateful they will be toward you! Apparently GOD hates us - Jesus says so - and the preacher will affirm it on the pulpit!

Not true - God made us this way for a purpose. Jesus preaches tolerance and love. It's that damnn preacher that feels he is better the more people that he can tear down. Hell is full of ordained ministers and priests.

So your Mom's support? PRICELESS!!!

Just know after two weeks you will be old news and the neighborhood will find someone new to talk about.

Lizzy

Thanks I never really thought of it as I would be old news but it makes me feel better to know this. I also never thought me being out was beyond my control but looking back I can see this is true and I will be more carefull with who I tell even family.

[Guest Cayden]

I would like to thank all of you for your comments; I have gone over them and I am prepared for whatever happens (good or bad.) Your comments made sense and are on the same lines of what my mom said today. I am the type of person that worries too much. Reading all of the comments has made the worry go away. Again I would like to say thanks.

[Guest Danielle S]

Everyone can post here and say all sorta things. The bottom line is you are outed. I wouldn't worry too much. Eventully you know the whole world will know, and this is just how it is. Outing is always beyond your control! My wife got mad at me and outed me to three people - that was enough. Everyone in town knows.

And the Christian question? The more loving and faithfully church going Christian a person is, the more hateful they will be toward you! Apparently GOD hates us - Jesus says so - and the preacher will affirm it on the pulpit!

Not true - God made us this way for a purpose. Jesus preaches tolerance and love. It's that damnn preacher that feels he is better the more people that he can tear down. Hell is full of ordained ministers and priests.

So your Mom's support? PRICELESS!!!

Just know after two weeks you will be old news and the neighborhood will find someone new to talk about.

Lizzy

Elizabeth, you are absolutely right. God created us for a purpose, he didn't make a mistake when he did so. Cayden, as for your mother's support, I wish I had a mother who's supportive. But one little thing I want to do, she can't stand. I even have to go into her room and take a bra without her knowing just to wear it. It's disgusting how I have to do that. I don't know why she can't support any little thing that I want to do and she said "I'll support you in anything you do". Whatever. Anyway, Lizzy is right. God has a plan for all of us, he never makes mistakes.

Laurel

[Guest Donna Jean]

I am not God's mistake......

That doesn't happen.........

You, too........

Donna Jean

[Sally]

Well, I know that you are living in fear of what next - I feel the same way about my former church, I have no idea who my ex has told.

But I do want to say one thing as an actual Christian - not someone who goes to church on Sunday and waves a cross and Bible around while spewing hatred - I am by no means a Bible scholar and admit to having read the entire book only once, but the parts I have reread dozens of times are from the New Testament where we are told that God is love and God loves all of his children - which part of ALL excludes anyone?

Your very Christian neighbor needs to do some serious rereading of the stories about Jesus, the Christ - nowhere does he say love thy neighbor as thyself unless they are trans - it isn't there he even said to love your enemies - where does the hatred for us or the Jewish or the Islamic come from - from hateful men with an agenda - they want power and they use the church to attain it - it goes back before the time of Christ but is most obvious during the Crusades and Spanish Inquisition - the current state of terrorism is simply modernized aggression disguised as a holy war.

The Civil War was not fought to end slavery but to ensure the low price of cotton for the mills in the North as well as establishing the dominance of federal law over state's laws (State's Rights was the battle cry of the Confederacy) - the South was fighting to preserve their way of life and save their homes and families - easy to get recruits - the North was fighting for political power and monetary gains for some - a much harder sell but add in religion and, "Let's go kill some dirty Rebs in God's Holy Name - Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord." Who can resist now.

Religion is a tool used by men to control other men - FAITH is a true belief in God - there is a huge difference, your neighbor needs to learn that difference.

*steps down from pulpit, removes robes and goes to fix breakfast*

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Elizabeth K]

WOW - a companion Daughter of the Confederacy! I loved that part...

And a companion Child of God! I absolutely agree!

And breakfast - YUMMY!

Elizabeth Anne

oh - the TOPIC:

Being OUTED is not the terrible price we pay - it is the unreasoning, un-Chrisian - 'holier than thou" berating that befalls us. But they have to explain all that to the BIG GUY... He already knows all about us.

Our responsibily to God is to learn to pray for these people. As difficult as it seems, we must ask God to "let them see the error or their ways," and that He forgives them. Christ on the cross taught us that : '... they know not what they do." I always felt His saying that was in the broad sense of the inhumanity of people toward other people, rather than the fact they were crucifying the Son of God.

[Lizzy takes off HER robe, steps down from the pulpit - goes into the kitchen "HEY SALLY, lets eat!]