Will I Ever Gain Control Of My Tears Again?

[Guest Girl Emily]

Hello ladies,

I have been reading a book that I will admit is about an emotional subject while traveling to and from various appointments. Many times I have had to stop reading before I totally lost control. I am nearing the end of the book and the author is describing his final trip to Iraq in search of closure. In the battle for Fallujah where his company commander, XO, the senior enlisted man a Sgt Man and one other soldier were killed He brought with him four carnations lay at the spots were the men fell in battle. His emotions were so overwhelming that he could not approach closer then 300 yards to the spot where his CO died. So he placed the flower on the ground and said a prayer. He turned and started walking away when he almost bumped into a woman dressed in black with a mat of weed on her head. They looked at each other a moment and he started on his way again. He listened for her foot steps to begin, but when they didn't he turned to look at the woman. She was kneeling next to the flower where she had placed her weeds and was praying. When she noticed the author had stopped walking she looked at him with sympathy and thanks before walking away. The author found a nearby abandoned house and completely lost it, crying uncontrollably. She had given him a measure of the closure he was searching for. I was crying through most of the description and completely lost it with the author.

It really could have been a scene if someone else was in the waiting room with me. Don't get me wrong I love being able to feel so deeply; I have spent so many years not feeling anything it is a blessing. My question is will I forever be out of control like this or after being on estrogen for a longer period of time.

[Guest viv]

Emily one of the other women further along than me will advise you there Hun.

Couple of words came to mind on reading your post ,,,,"each small candle lights

a corner of the World",,,from a song by Roger Waters ,,,,,luv,viv

[Guest angie]

Welcome to the open flood gate of emotions that

is our awakening womanhood.No Emily,those emotional

teary outburst will continue to happen,sometimes over

the silliest things.

Hugs Sweet Girl,

Angie

[Sally]

Dear Emily,

Take a look around, women are more open with their emotions - crying is not making a scene for women, it is a part of daily life.

Men have been trained to never show their emotions and from The Semper Fi message on your signature I can see that you have had additional and intensive training in not letting things show.

The 'bad' news is that you will probably never attain the kind of control that you once had, the 'good' news is that as women we are allowed, accepted and even expected to be emotional - it is hard to make a scene because others will come to comfort you rather than tell you to 'man up' even if you are sobbing over a book.

I cry almost continually when I am reading the posts here - so many of us are struggling so hard with what seem to be very simple issues and yet they seem so devastating to the writers, empathy is a wonderful thing but it does exact a toll.

Welcome to the wonderful world of emotions - they were always there but you just never opened the door before when they knocked.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Donna Jean]

Emily......

In hadn't cried for maybe 10 times in the last 40 years...(when my dog died, for instance)....

Now after 15 months HRT, I cry easily, and I love it..\

But early on it was uncontrollable...But as the months go by, I've gotten better control of it...

To some degree..

Donna Jean

[Sally]

Emily......

In hadn't cried for maybe 10 times in the last 40 years...(when my dog died, for instance)....

Now after 15 months HRT, I cry easily, and I love it..\

But early on it was uncontrollable...But as the months go by, I've gotten better control of it...

To some degree..

Donna Jean

Let's see if Donna Jean has some degree of control - let's say you have a circle, that is 360 degrees to complete - she has less than one degree - that girl cries at the drop of a hat or even the possibility that a hat might drop - but I love her and that may just be a part of it all.

We are trying to catch up with years in denial of all emotions.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Girl Emily]

Sally,

I was counting on that thread of hope Donna left dangle!!

It really can't be called a thread as it was much smaller than that

Ignorance is bliss you know!

[Sally]

Actually you do get better but actually calling it control is a misnomer - we can control them to a degree but we no longer have to bury them.

So yes you will cry easier but you do not have to avoid it - sometimes a good cry really helps you to feel better.

I have been on HRT for about 9 months and I never cry in male mode - you can still control it but the need or desire to fades.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Girl Emily]

Sally,

I am no longer able to say that Brandon has much say in the matter.

Male mode or not the tears flow and some times with sniffles Brandon is embarrassed to admit, but Emily could give a Gosh darned and she is running the show regardless of my presentation.

Huggs

[Guest Donna Jean]

I think that the subject matter is what makes the difference, somehow...

For instance...

Last night I was at the computer reading some things waiting for Sally to come home so we could chat on Skype...

Well, I nodded off and fell out of my chair and managed to cut my leg and hurt myself...

I felt stupid and didn't cry over that....

I patched myself up and went to bed and I cried because I missed talking to Sally...

I have no idea of what is gonna make me cry....or when it will hit....

Donna Jean

[Guest angie]

Sally,

I am no longer able to say that Brandon has much say in the matter.

Male mode or not the tears flow and some times with sniffles Brandon is embarrassed to admit, but Emily could give a Gosh darned and she is running the show regardless of my presentation.

Huggs

Sweetheart,

Brandon isn't you anymore.(He) is just the facade you have to wear for the outside world until

Emily can take her place permanently. You Are Emily...(he) is going away,going bye bye, syonara,ciao bella,fare thee well,doing that slow fade into the sunset. Remember that sister.

You are Emily,here and now.

Love and hugs,

Angie

[Guest Girl Emily]

I suppose my problem is that I am conflicted about crying when presenting male. With all those years of programing that says this is not what men do. Yet presenting male in a male body I am crying uncontrollably and receiving a positive physical response the release of stress that comes from a good cry whatever the instigating event. In good male pattern thought and search for a solution I need to complete my transition and the conflict will disapear.

Thank you all

Huggs,