New Memeber & What I Do

[Guest Steve R]

I am 59 y/o, and crossdressing is new to me. I have been married for 36 years, have four kids, and NOBODY knows I do this. I bought a pair of blue highheel pumps last year, and would put them on in the rec room when my wife was gone for a while. This past January I came across a pair of my wife's fishnet pantyhose, and "hid" them for myself. I would put the shoes and hose on, and one time, had the nerve to step outside our back door. Well I was hooked. One Friday night when my wife was out with her friends I put on my shoes and hose (with just a long white t-shirt) and drove around in my car until I got the nerve to stop and fill it up with gas. I was so excited, and nervous, and enjoyed it ALOT. The next time I had the chance, I did the same thing, but got a littel carried away and didn't fill up at the first place, and I stopped at several places. Both times, I was never aware that anyone saw me, at least to my knowledge, or face to face. Last Saturday afternoon, the opportunity presented itself, so Iwent out again, this time in my heels, a pair of new sheer black hose, and my wife's denim mini-skirt. This was in daylight mind you. I stopped twice, and the second place was very exciting in that while I was out of my car, three more cars pulled up to get gas. My heart was beating like crazy, but again nobody gave an indication they actually noticed me.

So, this is new to me, a secret, I do not try to "pass" as a female, I actually have a goatee and shave my head. But it excites the hell out of me. What am I doing? I have no idea where I'll go with it, or anything, I'm just having fun right now. Any comments?

[Guest Donna Jean]

Hello, Steve!

Welcome to the Playground!

I'm Donna Jean....

Well, it sounds like you've found something that you enjoy!

Let me say, be careful with it...although it's not illegal...you could get embarrassed if caught...But that level is entirely up to you....

I'm glad that you're having fun!

It's good to have you here!

HUGGS!

Donna Jean

[Carolyn Marie]

Hello, Steve, and welcome to the Playground!

Why don't you step into the Member's Lounge and I'll get you a glass of lemonade and some of

Sally's chocolate chip cookies? How's that?

There are a lot of crossdressers here, so you're in good company. You'll find not only acceptance and

support here, but resources as well. You aren't alone in feeling that excitement of crossdressing. I

encourage you to look around this and the other forums, and post any ideas or questions.

We are a moderated site, and strive to keep it safe for our younger members. Please review the site

rules when you have a moment. You'll find a link at the top of most pages.

I want to echo Donn Jean's concern about being safe out there. There are lots of people who don't

understand us and even fear us, so please be careful.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Hi Steve

Welcome to Laura's Playground hon.

The first time crossdressing can be really exciting

I would caution you on going out in public.... be careful...OK?

You are in the new stage of exploration. Explore, search and see where this takes you

Welcome

Brenda

[Guest ricka]

A warm welcome to Laura's and to our family here which most certainly includes men who cross-dress. You should know that you are accepted here. You might also want to check out the fashion forum. It is not unusual for men who cross-dress to experience an emotional rush and/or sense of release to wear women's clothing. For many men who cross-dress it never goes beyond that, but for some it is the opening door to the awakening woman who lies sleeping inside. Where ever your journey takes you we are all here to support you. BTW you are not alone in your "metro" look. I am seeing more and more men sporting facial hair out in public dressed en femme.

Hugs, Ricka

[Guest Steve R]

Thanks for the replies. As I said, this is new to me. I get a mixture of feelings, mostly excitement I guess. Maybe it's the whole idea of doing something daring and exciting, and the possibilty of getting caught or embarrassed. Not sure. I really don't want to scare anybody, and I will take all your advice about being careful. I'm thinking that if I continue this long enough, something unforseen is bound to happen. I don't get to go out very often, and doing it during the day last SAturday I think may have been a bit too daring and Iwas lucky. When I get up the nerve to stop and get out of the car, I try to enjoy the whole thing. But I don't know what I want. If nobody has a chance of seeing me I'm disappointed, but this last time I would say I was almost scared when cars started arriving. Oh well, thanks again and I'm glad I found a place to tlak about this.

[Guest Steve R]

Well, I have been away from this forum for awhile. I have gone out several times since my last posting in May, the most recent this past Friday afternoon. I had taken the day off to get some chores done, and couldn't resist the urge to "go out". As is my "normal" routine, I go to a gas station or two to put gas in my car. This last time I skipped the miniskirt, and wore my dark blue 4 1/2" pumps, suntan pantyhose, and a long white T-shirt as a top. ( I don't try to pass as a female, just a guy wearing heels and pantyhose) Strange? I have done this enough times to know my heart pounds, my lips get dry, and my hands shake a bit, but I really enjoy it. Several times I have actually gone inside to get a receipt, but did not do that this time, but it was still exciting, as I know a couple people saw me, but none have actually said anything to me. Just felt like telling my story....

[Guest ChloëC]

Hi Steve,

Welcome back! You know, just two more posts and you can get personal mail (PM) privileges.

It's great to see you're enjoying your desires. You certainly have more courage than I do. I've been out several times, but I shy away from public places (which to me is practically anyplace!), and I'm sure I'll crash the car besides. But it does give an emotional release at times, which I like.

Keep us up to date, if you can.

Hugs

Chloë

[Guest Steve R]

I find myself "going out" more and more often now. Just yesterday I had a break during the day so I took the opportunity to dress up again. Another daytime, afternoon foray. I'm finding the daytime trips more exciting I think, expecially this one. I decided to head over to a town of, let's say, less affluence, a town of probably 90% minorities. I decided to stop for gas at a couple places, pretty much busy intersections with several customers in and out. I was literally shaking as I got out of my car the first time. I received several glances and a couple smiles, but nobody said anything. I just put a few gallons of gas in, and headed out to look for another place to stop. The next place had no customers when I pulled in. One guy did walk by as I was pumping my gas, and I thought for sure he was going to come over and say something, but he didn't. After filling up, darned if the receipt didn't print, so I decided to go inside for one! There was a guy paying at the counter as I came in, and I waited my turn and asked for a receipt. Nobody else came in, but the guy who was inside was still outside checking me out. It was very exciting walking back to my car, and then I decided my windows needed cleaning, and did that for a couple minutes, then had to head back to my "normal" life.

[Guest kelise]

Hey Steve, and welcome! Good for you to be here, amongst those who understand where you're coming from.

You are very brave. I remember the rush when I was 16 and going out for the first time. Of course I WAS trying to pass as a female, but was rather unsuccessful at the time.

What your doing sounds like it's mianly to get this rush. Yes, there's nothing illegal about wearing women's clothes in public if you're a man, but have you really considered what you would do if someone did come up to you and give you problems? Also, I'm trying to visualise some of these outfits you're describing, especially the one's involving a "long white Tshirt". Remember there's a fine line between legally going out in women's garments, and illegal indecent exposure. And I'm sure you can guess which side of the line the cops would see you as if they caught you out like that. Continue with a skirt of shorts, by all means, but please be careful. we don't want to see anything happen to you.

[Carolyn Marie]

Steve, I'm glad you had an exciting and interesting time, and everything went well.

I will echo Kelise's comments. We want you to be safe, and while pushing the envelope can be thrilling, it can also be dangerous. Be aware of your surroundings at all times, have an escape

route available, and a can of pepper spray is always a good investment.

Have fun, and please be careful, OK?

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Steve R]

I did wear a short bluejean skirt this last time. Thanks for your concern, and I probably should be more careful from now on.

[Guest Steve R]

Well I had some fun today! Took a lunch break away from work, and dressed in my usual dark blue pumps, suntan pantyhose, bluejean miniskirt, and this time really nice matching two-tone top, I thought I looked really good! I stopped for gas at a new place (for me) and someone from the road yelled something about what I was wearing. Cool. I took my time and also cleaned my windows! Then, I scoped out a neighborhood, parked my car, and made myself walk around the block, jeez that was fun. Actually after I got halfway around I took my heels off for awhile, it was taking too long to walk in them, 4 1/2". But I put them back on, and finished the walk. Then on my way back to work, stopped for gas again, determined to pay cash. It was really funny, because I pressed the "pay inside" button, and it just kept saying "wait" forever, until finally the manager and another guy came out, and helped me. Then I went inside to pay. Man that was fun!!

[Guest ChloëC]

Hi Steve,

Thanks for the update.

As the others have said above, just be careful. I know it takes a lot of confidence to dress publically. Always emember there are a lot of people who don't understand and some who might get more than a little upset. And it does sound like you're having a good time.

Hugs

Chloë

[Guest Steve R]

Had a very interesting outing yesterday. I was driving around neighborhoods looking for a place to get out of my car and walk around "dressed up". I guess I thought the better of it, and decided not to try it, but it was such a beautiful day. On my way back to work I did figure I would fill up my car though, and that's when things got interesting. It is a gas station I have been to before, and is not in very nice neighborhood. While filling up, I noticed a black guy riding by on a bicycle, and he was definitely noticing how I was dressed. He circled around and rode right up to me, looked at me and asked me if I was "putting on a show". I could have said any number of things (now that I think about it, and wished I had, but that's another story) but just said "no, I just like to wear skirts". He said "high heels too?" and I said yes, those too. While I finished up, I noticed he was talking to another guy, obviously discussing me. But I took my time, and got in my car and drove off. It was very exciting.

[Guest Sharah]

Hi Steve,

It sure sounds like you are having a bit of fum wiht your dresing. It really sounds like the thrill for you is in the adrenolyn rush of possibly being caught. My reall concern is that as you reach for more adrenolyn you are getting closer to an encounter that may be physically threatening. Like the one you just described, that man on on the bike and his friend he was talking to could have become a real problem for you.

The biggest problem with adrenolyn rushes is that eqach time you have to take it further to get the rush and eventually you may get yourself into real trouble.

Have you ever thought about shaving and getting a wig and some make-up and trying to actually pass visually?

[Guest sarah f]

Steve please be careful with encounters like that. You never know how one will take it and what their intentions are. He might have been talking to his friend about doing something to you or just making fun of you. That is why we must always be careful about our surroundings.

[Guest Donna Jean]

.

Absolutely! The utmost care must be taken in those situatuions...

Now I know that us Trans men and women don't really care for the "thrill", you seem to enjoy that part of it...l

Please be aware of your surrondings and be careful!

Huggs

Donna Jean

[Guest Steve R]

Hi Steve,

It sure sounds like you are having a bit of fum wiht your dresing. It really sounds like the thrill for you is in the adrenolyn rush of possibly being caught. My reall concern is that as you reach for more adrenolyn you are getting closer to an encounter that may be physically threatening. Like the one you just described, that man on on the bike and his friend he was talking to could have become a real problem for you.

The biggest problem with adrenolyn rushes is that eqach time you have to take it further to get the rush and eventually you may get yourself into real trouble.

Have you ever thought about shaving and getting a wig and some make-up and trying to actually pass visually?

I think you have really hit the nail on the head. I do it for the rush. I will heed all of your warnings, and take it easy for awhile.

[Guest kelise]

I'm glad to see you've figured out the source of your interests. Have you considered seeing a therapist about these urges? Honestly, think of it like this. In the military, there are many soldiers who are proud to do what they do. They don't like going into combat, and when they do, they're scared to death, because they know what could happen. Occasionally, there's a soldier who gets a rush out of going into combat. They love the andrenaline of the front line. That is a serious problem and often a soldier like that will be pulled because they take unecessary risks and put themselves in unecessary danger. Does this sound familiar?

Also, you may want to consider trading in for a car with better milage. Seriously, you buy more gas than anyone I know!

[Guest Elizabeth K]

I am 59 y/o, and crossdressing is new to me. I have been married for 36 years, have four kids, and NOBODY knows I do this. I bought a pair of blue highheel pumps last year, and would put them on in the rec room when my wife was gone for a while. This past January I came across a pair of my wife's fishnet pantyhose, and "hid" them for myself. I would put the shoes and hose on, and one time, had the nerve to step outside our back door. Well I was hooked. One Friday night when my wife was out with her friends I put on my shoes and hose (with just a long white t-shirt) and drove around in my car until I got the nerve to stop and fill it up with gas. I was so excited, and nervous, and enjoyed it ALOT. The next time I had the chance, I did the same thing, but got a littel carried away and didn't fill up at the first place, and I stopped at several places. Both times, I was never aware that anyone saw me, at least to my knowledge, or face to face. Last Saturday afternoon, the opportunity presented itself, so Iwent out again, this time in my heels, a pair of new sheer black hose, and my wife's denim mini-skirt. This was in daylight mind you. I stopped twice, and the second place was very exciting in that while I was out of my car, three more cars pulled up to get gas. My heart was beating like crazy, but again nobody gave an indication they actually noticed me.

So, this is new to me, a secret, I do not try to "pass" as a female, I actually have a goatee and shave my head. But it excites the hell out of me. What am I doing? I have no idea where I'll go with it, or anything, I'm just having fun right now. Any comments?

Comments? How about a big ole grin! You have entered a place in your life that you may or may not have known existed. It is something that is so brand new to you, you can hardly understand it! Just understand some basic rules - which come from my 50 plus years of when I thought I was a crossdresser (actally I was way more than that):

(1) What you are is perfctly fine. It is more common than most people know.

(2) Crossdressing is not well understood nor tolerated outside the community, so it is something that will bug you - and you will somehow want to hide it. That is really very typical. It's not a good or bad thing, but it's waht happens.

(3) As you get past the initial start and the thrill of being able to express your feminine side, it will become an addiction - not like drugs which can destroy your life, but in someways an addiction you must learn to manage. You generally cannot expect to dress full time as you want to. You will probably go somewhat 'underground.' People here at Laura's can explain many things about that. You will be amazed at the tricks there are to appear more feminine.

(4) Just because you like to express your feminine side does not necessarily result in being diagnosed as transsexal. It did for me - but I think there is a 10000 to one chance of that. The difference is simple, but takes therapy to work out. Crossdressers dress to be feminine - transsexuals dress to be female.

(5) Technically, you are considered 'gender dysphoric." That is the catch-all phrase for people here on Laura's. We love to have new membership! So you are very much welcome! ALSO - you MAY get depressed in this journey of self discovery - and we can help you deal with that too. So stay with us - keep us informed of how things are. And most of all - be true to yourself.

Lizzy

I am 63 - have three grown children. And FYI - I an two years into transitioning as a MTF - living full time in New Orleans - BUT I dressed in girls clthes age 8 on - women's clothers later on. It was how I felt comfortable in my own body.

[Guest Steve R]

Yea, my gas mileage isn't so good. Went out yesterday, filled up at the station in the "shady" neighborhood. Got some real hooting from a car going by, and a couple saw me up close but said nothing. Then I went to a bit of a "nicer" neighborhood a few block away and took a short walk. I just might go out again today, but no filling station! I have done some pictures and digital movies recently too, so maybe I can actually post a picture in my profile.