Please Help Me

[Guest Kirsty H]

Hi friends, I need some help. I can't stop crying I just don't know what to do. I hate myself, I'm not just saying that. I really do. I don't wanna be here anymore. Nobody understands me, nobody will ever accept me. If I carry on and follow my heart and transition. What can I do? To me it seems everyone would be better off without me.I'm an embarrasment.

[Carolyn Marie]

Oh, Kirsty, I'm so sorry you're feeling like this.

Has something in particular happened to make you feel bad? Someone hurt you?

Hon, listen to me, please. You are NOT an embarassment! You are a worthwhile, intelligent, and good person.

You must not let anyone tell you otherwise, and you must not tell yourself such drivel either.

Transition doesn't mean a life that is less than anyone else's. Its a hard life, sure, but whose life isn't?

You have friends here, hon. Talk to us. Help us understand your pain. Either through posts or PM's.

Talk to us, Kirsty. We're here.

(((HUGGSS)))

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Donna Jean]

Hi friends, I need some help. I can't stop crying I just don't know what to do. I hate myself, I'm not just saying that. I really do. I don't wanna be here anymore. Nobody understands me, nobody will ever accept me. If I carry on and follow my heart and transition. What can I do? To me it seems everyone would be better off without me.I'm an embarrasment.

Whoa, Baby......

What's going on, Honey?

I'm here to help, but I don't know what's wrong...we can all help you!

Now, Why would everyone be better off without you?

I sure don't see it that way...

Honey, you've been here over a year now, what's happened to make you feel this way?

I see that Carolyn has said something to you, too....

Allow us to help you....OK?

PM me if you like or we can work on it right here.......OK?

LOVE

Donna Jean

[Guest ~Brenda~]

What is wrong hon?

You know that we all accept you.

Oh sweetheart, everything is going to be OK.

Carolyn and DJ are the greatest

You are welcome to PM me as well hon

And/or continue to post here hon. Most importantly, keep talking to us!!!

Sweetie, I have been there many times, but please don't despair honey... OK?

Here's a hug just for you....

((((( HUUUGGGS )))))

Love

Brenda

[Guest Kirsty H]

Thank you for the kind words, and I'm sorry to burden you with my problems. I'm just having a real bad time. I thought my family were starting to understand me, but i've since found out they don't. Because I suffer with depression and anxiety they just blame this for the way I'm feeling. They don't seem to under stand my gender issues are a seperate thing. I know they wish I wasn't here, I just feel so alone and unloved. I just need someone to accept me, understand me and support me. I just feel that I'm putting unfair emotion and stress on my family, yet I can't change the way I am. I just can't do this anymore. Sorry to bother you all with this, I'm sure you have enough problems of your own. Take care friends. And thank you but ibthink I'm beyond helping

[Flint]

Never think your a burden on anyone on this forum. It's what we're here for to help.

gender issues are widely misunderstood.

Have you tried explaining that what may actually be the root cause of your depression and anxiety could be the gender issues? Sure there are other problems in life that will have an effect on such problems but right now it sounds like the gender issues is what is getting down and anxious.

People say it's the depression and anxiety causing people to have gender issues, because they're not educated on what gender issues are. And most people won't bother to even try to learn which is a sad thing.

Have you tried offering them information on transsexualism? How long have you been out to your family?

Don't give up hope.

Matt.

[Paula ult]

Kirsty hon,

We understand you, surely something has happened that makes you feel like this?

Those that say we are an embarrassment are just trying to force us into the mold of what they want us to be, if you want to talk pm me, or better yet go to chat and one of the mods will talk to you in one of the crisis rooms. .

Paula

[Guest Kirsty H]

Thank you matt. At first my mum was intrested in finding out more information but that seems to have died a death. I think she is more intrested in trying to put a stop to everything. She always says that I never showed any signs when growing up. I explained that I had been hiding my feelings for many years. Trouble is I think she feels this is just a phase, but it's been well over a year now and I have no intention in turning back now. If I can't be who I really am then I may aswell not exist anymore

@paula I did think about the chat but I can't seem to find it.

[Flint]

Ah, the old learning about it then caving in thing that I hear so many families seem to do!

A year sounds a long time, but if you put it into perspective a year isn't really that long. 6 months and your already half way through a year. It seems a long time, especially when we're suffering in some way. But to some people it's not a of time. Especially to take in such news that their child/or family member is a transsexual. Some people find they have to walk away from family to continue on with life, some people manage to separate it out somewhat so that they live their life as they want to but still have a relationship with their parents and or family, and while updating them what's going on in your life you don't force the gender thing upon them. You refer to yourself how YOU want, do what YOU need. Some peoples parents/family just won't accept, they won't even let them have a peaceful life even if they don't force anything upon them and people find they have to walk away from those family members and not look back. This MIGHT NOT happen to you though.

I know you probably think you've been patient enough, I know I myself sometimes think that about my family too. But patience is needed. whether we like it or not

Do you see a gender therapist or anything like that?

[megandb]

Hello KristyH, Im sorry to see that you are feeling the way you are, let me introduce myself, Im Megan, Im one of the chat moderators, a good way to get to chat is on the main page under the animation I hope you find your way in, we would love to talk with you over on the chat side, you may even have some fun getting to know new people. You have alot of people here who care about you hugs

[Flint]

Chat

[Guest Kirsty H]

Thanks everyone for the kind words. It means a lot to me. It's nice to have somewhere to come and talk with people who understand how I am feeling.

I realized why I couldn't get in the Chat. I was on my iPhone, and they don't like the whole "Flash thing" so that's probably why I couldn't get into chat.

I'm hoping that with a good nights sleep I will see things more clearly and in a better light. You know how it is, sometimes things just seem a whole lot worse than they really are. Again thank you everyone for your kind words of support. When I am on the computer tomorrow and not on the iPhone I will try and get into chat to talk to some of you. I know it will do me good. The more I isolate myself the worst

it will get. So speak to you all very soon.

And again thank you so much. If it wasn't for talking on here to you guys/girls I probably would have done something stupid.

Thank you xx

[Flint]

You're right about the sleep. I often sleep on my dark days, I find I wake up with a better perspective, at least just a tiny bit better anyway.

Keep us posted on how you're doing.

Matt.

[Guest KellyKat]

Hi Kirsty

I'm glad that you're feeling a tad better.

Hopefully a good nights rest will do you some good as well.

I know I've spent a lifetime of trying to fit other peoples molds.

I've come to the conclusion - rather late - that I have to live my own life.

But it is never to late to be yourself. And that is not selfish.

There is nothing worse than living a life of lies - except for the ones who wish you would.

It is they who are being selfish - not you.

You must be strong for yourself - and patient for the ones who can accept, but haven't yet.

Much Luv Kat

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Kirsty honey,

I had written a poem a little while ago for times like these.

I know how you feel....

Love

Brenda

http://www.lauras-playground.com/forums/in...showtopic=18012

[Guest Evan_J]

Glad to see you around kiddo

(yep I see your name at the bottom of the page)

Stuff often looks ...well different even if not better the next day.

Any chance of finding out what was said/happened that triggered the first feelings?

Voicing it will make a difference.

[Guest Kirsty H]

Sure, basically I was told that I had to stop my transition, that it was tearing the family apart and did I realize how selfish I was being. This really hurt me last night, but I see it in a better perspective today. I'm not gonna let this get me down.

[Guest Evan_J]

Sure, basically I was told that I had to stop my transition, that it was tearing the family apart and did I realize how selfish I was being. This really hurt me last night, but I see it in a better perspective today. I'm not gonna let this get me down.

You're not the only one ever to be told that. I didn't get the "tearing the family apart" part (cuz I think mine's already apart lol) but I did get the "selfish" part. Many here hear that. You're not unique. Its not you. And very likely you are not selfish in nature. Its what folks tell someone they want to stop from doing something because that something doesn't make them happy. Really its them being selfish about (ulitmately) your life. You need to get a grip on that concept and see it for the truth that is inherent. Your life is for you to be happy in.

[Guest Donna Jean]

Kristy....

Every one in the world is given one (1) happiness.....

Now if someone wants you to not transition to make them happy they get your hapiness.....

So, if you do the math.....

Kristy Happiness..................0

Someone elses Happiness.....2

See? That's not fair

Love

Donna Jean

[Guest Cris]

Kristy,

We seem to get that alot from families. Point really is that they are the selfish ones for not allowing us to be ourselves. I do hope things get better for you today.

Cris

[Guest Girl Emily]

Kristy,

I am happy that you are feeling better. You will never be a burden to us by telling us how ypu feel. One of the ways I feel better myself is by helping others when they need it. One of the lies told to us is how we will never be accepted if we transition. The truth in my own case is I never felt accepted before I transitioned because I wasn't being me. They were accepting who I pretended to be. Many here at Laura's have found or continue relationships with an SO. I don't know if you are part of a support group, but it has been recommended to me to attend one. I found one at my local LGBT center and I'm planning to attend a meeting later this month. If your transition is tearing apart your family that means some of them are supporting you and would rather support you and your right to be happy even if it breaks up the family than allow you to suffer.

Huggs,

[Guest angie]

Sure, basically I was told that I had to stop my transition, that it was tearing the family apart and did I realize how selfish I was being. This really hurt me last night, but I see it in a better perspective today. I'm not gonna let this get me down.

In reality,as has been explained to me by the woman who was married to me for twenty three

years after seeing the truth of my long ago claim of womanhood...We Have To Be Selfish,thinking

of only ourselves and what is right for us.If not,the ones we love will get their way and make us

stop our journey so that they can be comfortable with the status quo.Kristy,nothing,but nothing,

will get in your way of becoming your true self.Not family,not lovers,not spouses,not friends.

You Are Doing What Is Right For YOU,and how it will make feel like you fit your skin, for once in your life.

Big Ol Hugs,

Angie

[Guest Evan_J]

If your transition is tearing apart your family that means some of them are supporting you and would rather support you and your right to be happy even if it breaks up the family than allow you to suffer.

Thats true.

[Guest Dana M]

I'm in the same boat. I have three people in my life and they don't know who I am. They are all very homophobic. We just have to keep going. We can find new lives and new people who love us for who we are. We just have to hang in there and keep trying. Never give up. Never lose hope. You can do it.