How Do You Know

[Guest lvmyftm]

How do you know when someone has read you as trans? I am just wondering. Is there something someone does that gives it away that they know you are trans? Aside from being rude and disrespectful.

[Guest Donna Jean]

Well, Sometimes it difficult.....

When a guy is staring at me, it may just be because he's looking at a female....

Or, he's trying to figure me out.

When a woman does it, she may be trying to figure me out...

Or, she likes my clothes.....

The problem here is that it really depends on your own sense of comfort or your paranoia over not passing....

If you're comfortable with yourself you'll probably not think that you get read at all....

If you're paranoid about it, you'll probably think that everyone that looks at you reads you!

And, of course, rude and disrespectful goes without saying!

Huggs

Donna Jean

[Guest Evan_J]

You have to be let know in some way. Rude and disrespectful. OR thinking the two of you "have a secret together" they say something or wink and smile or something. Or they plain call you the wrong thing

[Guest Elizabeth K]

You can never be 100% SURE. I once went out with my t-girl friend Courney - paid with a credit card. The waiter came back and said 'which one of you is (ny male name). That irritated me to no end. Afterward I took him aside and chided him for using a male name in such a mean sprit - but he said, 'no ma'am' I didn't know which of the two of you was using your husband's card!

I have learned to just smile and keep on going regardless. Fortunately now, people look past me. I DO NOT attract any attention. Now that was my goal and now I am there! YEAAAAA!

But I got read incorrectly the other day - in male drab (at work) went to a middle class 'lunch special' type restaurant - when leaving this pretty woman came in - saw me and broke out in that smile that says "I SEE YOU!" Then her partner came in - same smile - dang, they were lesbian, lipstick and butch! They thought I was too!

And I have been reversed-read. Called Sir from the back, then changed to Ma'am when I turned around (I am tall).

Then my favorite - happens often - Sir'd at the order microphone - Ma'am'd at the pick-up window. (Voice)

Or self outing - the bank would not cash my check (branch where I usually don't go) based upon my drivers license. I had to use my signature, I had changed that much...

So you can't tell, except those beautiful smiles you can get from other transpeople - as you pass, and recognize each other.

Hope this helps

Lizzy

[Guest ericab]

u know what ive noticed kim, like when we meet someone and they don't know about Estelle. they usually look at her like theirs something about her that they just don't understand. and when i guess they figure it out they act really uncomfortable and rude and even grossed out. but then there's also some people that are amazed and cant believe shes not a natural born female. ive learned there's always going to be jerks out there and just try to ignore it. well unless u feel you or your partner might be in any kind of danger or if they're just being extremely rude and disrespectful.

[Guest Blossom]

I think it's important to remember that the person misreading you probably feels more awkward than you do. Reading a person's gender is a split second decision we make a million times a day. In nearly all cases even if someone get's it wrong, they are NOT trying to insult you. Engage brain before opening mouth and pick your battles to live to fight another day.

(See related thread entitled, Don't Feel Bad)

http://www.lauras-playground.com/forums/in...mp;#entry182943

Blossom

[Guest lvmyftm]

The reason I ask is that I am almost positive that the woman working at Starbucks this morning was a t-girl. She was very pretty but something just triggered the trans radar. I didn't treat her any different than anyone else working there...ok, maybe I was a little nicer to her. I would just hate to think that me reading her as trans might have made her uncomfortable.

[Guest lvmyftm]

I think it's important to remember that the person misreading you probably feels more awkward than you do. Reading a person's gender is a split second decision we make a million times a day. In nearly all cases even if someone get's it wrong, they are NOT trying to insult you. Engage brain before opening mouth and pick your battles to live to fight another day.

(See related thread entitled, Don't Feel Bad)

http://www.lauras-playground.com/forums/in...mp;#entry182943

Blossom

Blossom,

That was my post in the link...and I am not trans...my boyfriend is.

[Guest ericab]

oooooooooo now i got u. i know what u mean now. we went to ihop the other day and the waitress was a t-girl. and we treated her extra nice and left her a very good tip.