Things That Make You Go "hmm"

[Guest Sannara]

While reaing a post from another, I recalled occasional odd events which were gender specific but were applied to me with no asking or expectation. I was wondering was I alone in these type of things occuring.

Ex. I once went to a store an just paused at the door for some odd reason, but a man speed up to open the door for me. I was stunned as I was dressed as a male with no attempt to display otherwise. He insisted so I walked through, but I was taken a bit.

Now this wasn't the first time something like that had occured. I was suprised when a cleck at a bakery addressed me as "Mame". I corrected him but didnt inquire. On one occassion I was on a fast food line and I was very tired, and when I asked how much it would be, he addressed me as a women. I've come to think that at times when I get tired or just not fully thinking I must reveal something feminine or sound female. Since these events were growing in occurance I have been more concscienious of my voice and mannorisms. But all that is so I can hide better. But, am I alone. Do you sometimes find the inner you seems to shine through in spite your intended agreement with main-stream behavior.

I've gotten to the point where I don't care in the general public much anymore, wasted time, but I work hard at it on the job, thought there are times when I just want to rip the coverings off just to join in as myself. These moments and those above scare me a bit. They let me see and feel person inside afraid to come out, but who is dying from lack of a life. I've come to this because the one thing constant in all the events and those many odd moments is, I liked them. They always seemed right.

Where am I on the ladder? And, what should I be doing or considering? Still a bit timid, but willing to look harder and work harder.

Please Forgive me if I've placed this in the wrong area or in a bad mannor.

[Guest Donna Jean]

Sannara......

I get the sam thing and I find it to be a great source of affirmation......I don't get frustrated when "Ma'am'd" in neutral mode...

It just means that I coming out the other side of androgeny!

It's a great place to be headed!

Donna Jean

[Sally]

You are not alone, in having those moments or in having doubts about your true self and why not you have everyone else telling you the opposite of how you feel.

"There is a saying that 50,000 Frenchmen", can't be wrong but do remember they consider Jerry Lewis to be a comic genius.

As to the incidents, I have often been addressed as ma'am which I considered very odd when presenting male because I m huge at 6'4" tall and extremely overweight but with my long hair and mannerisms it happens more and more.

My favorite happened a little over a year ago, right after my mother had decided that I was mistaken and am not trans at all - we went to lunch at her favorite little cafe, my hair was shoulder length at that time and as the waitress approached from behind me she asked, "Are you ladies ready to order?"

I could not have been happier.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest JeanVier]

Sannara--

I was thinking about this on my way in to school this morning, and I was considering the creation of this topic-- I log in and see your post! What a coincidence.

The (not frequent enough, GRR) times I have been 'read' as male have been times when I was not consciously Presenting as male-- all times were when I was just feeling relaxed. Why is this? Why am I read as my desired gender when I am not conscious of gender presentation? I began to see this as a compliment, that me in my most natural state is a male me, and others were picking up on my (naturally) male vibes... (Also, it could be that guys tend to present as more confident and relaxed, and seeming anxious about appearance could increase my feminine quotient.)

And, like you, I -liked- these moments. Heck, I loved them. They made me feel seen, and they made me realise that so much of the time I am trying to be not noticed, to disappear, for fear of being read as my birth-assigned gender and not as my true gender... It was so validating. But, you are right, they are also intimidating or scary, because they make me want to transition as fully as one can, and quickly, when that is just not practical or safe...

I think you should go after and explore what makes you feel good, what makes you feel 'right,' these moments when you feel seen. When are the moments? Do they only happen when addressed as one gender, or do they ever happen when addressed as another gender? If fear and finances were not an option, what would you do with yourself? When do you feel happiest? These questions might seem obvious, but they were helpful for me.

Thanks for the post, Sannara, and good luck.

-JV

[Guest Evan_J]

....when I was just feeling relaxed. Why is this? Why am I read as my desired gender when I am not conscious of gender presentation? I began to see this as a compliment, that me in my most natural state is a male me, and others were picking up on my (naturally) male vibes...

I think thats true, because even ON T, if I'm all paranoid in the head and doin some kind of conscious "trying" thing , I lose that . The reading of "male" becomes most consistent( to the point of males I pass by drawing me into male-to-male interactions -"Hey, do you know who won the Florida/Florida St game?" type thing) when I totally don't think about it and am just me. There is some element of "its just you" male or female.

[Guest Sannara]

Thank you all. I don't think I've ever been so validated, --The tears are welling up and I'm going to let them. I'm in a strange place today. I'm going to concider some next steps. --Sannara

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Thank you all. I don't think I've ever been so validated, --The tears are welling up and I'm going to let them. I'm in a strange place today. I'm going to concider some next steps. --Sannara

You earned it - the validation...

We have a hard life and somewhere along the line - well - we just change into what we really are. People seem to sense this somehow regardless of how we are dressed. It almost more than coming out, finally on the other side of androgyny - its like we changed magically somehow, and we project our femaleness.

And I know it is soooo emotional a feeling - knowing that you are what you are, and that seems okay with everyone else!

Lizzy