Intro

[Guest Douglas]

My name is Douglas, living in Victoria, BC. I was recently (a year ago, after many hormone tests, a karyotyping, and an ultrasound of my right testicle) diagnosed as being intersexed - medically, XX/XY chimeric, ovotesticular DSD. Though male on the outside, internally I have always, from my earliest memories, felt female. At the age of 17, I had a left-side hernia repair and the surgeon unwittingly removed my attached left ovary, believing it (initially) to be merely fatty and other tissue that had dropped down and become adhered to my left testicle. After the operation, he sat next to my bedside and stated that he had removed "ambiguous" cellular material from my testicle, and left it at that. Being young and naive, I gave it little thought until much later when I began to suspect my physical androgyny and finally had it confirmed medically. One obvious giveaway is the fact that my right testicle, with an intact conjoined ovary, is more than twice the size of my left now. Psychologically, my life has been a bit of a nightmare. No one, aside from my wife and a couple of close female friends, knows of my androgyny. Even as young as 2, I would state to my mother that I was a girl, not a boy, and asked her to dress me in girl's clothes. Throughout my life, I went through long periods of deep repression, during which times I attempted with some success to be the male that my physical appearance declared me to be. The best way to describe how I've always felt: Imagine being either male or female, and waking up one morning to face the mirror only to discover that you are now housed in a body that is of the opposite gender, and there's no way out! That said, for those like me, "born in the wrong body" truly is an apposite description of one's overall interior sense of beingness. True, I could still go through with the long painful process of gender reassignment, as many have done. But at my age, and in this muscular masculine shell, I'd not only make for an unattractive woman, I'm also not willing to put all those who are close to me (my children especially) through that kind of pain. Nor do I even know if I'd be happier with such a radical change at this point in life - probably not. To make a long story short, I pretty much live as an "it" - or a 3rd gender - not wholly fitting in with either sex. I would love to hear from others like me, to share experiences and hopefully discover some commonality.

regards,

Douglas

[Guest My_Genesis]

Hey Douglas, I see this is your first post so welcome to Laura's.

I don't know too much about this intersex/DSD condition in particular, but I do have an interest in intersexuality and suspect I may be intersex myself so yeah, it would be nice to hear about your experiences and what you have to say.

[Guest ScifiComicDUDE]

My name is Douglas, living in Victoria, BC. I was recently (a year ago, after many hormone tests, a karyotyping, and an ultrasound of my right testicle) diagnosed as being intersexed - medically, XX/XY chimeric, ovotesticular DSD. Though male on the outside, internally I have always, from my earliest memories, felt female. At the age of 17, I had a left-side hernia repair and the surgeon unwittingly removed my attached left ovary, believing it (initially) to be merely fatty and other tissue that had dropped down and become adhered to my left testicle. After the operation, he sat next to my bedside and stated that he had removed "ambiguous" cellular material from my testicle, and left it at that. Being young and naive, I gave it little thought until much later when I began to suspect my physical androgyny and finally had it confirmed medically. One obvious giveaway is the fact that my right testicle, with an intact conjoined ovary, is more than twice the size of my left now. Psychologically, my life has been a bit of a nightmare. No one, aside from my wife and a couple of close female friends, knows of my androgyny. Even as young as 2, I would state to my mother that I was a girl, not a boy, and asked her to dress me in girl's clothes. Throughout my life, I went through long periods of deep repression, during which times I attempted with some success to be the male that my physical appearance declared me to be. The best way to describe how I've always felt: Imagine being either male or female, and waking up one morning to face the mirror only to discover that you are now housed in a body that is of the opposite gender, and there's no way out! That said, for those like me, "born in the wrong body" truly is an apposite description of one's overall interior sense of beingness. True, I could still go through with the long painful process of gender reassignment, as many have done. But at my age, and in this muscular masculine shell, I'd not only make for an unattractive woman, I'm also not willing to put all those who are close to me (my children especially) through that kind of pain. Nor do I even know if I'd be happier with such a radical change at this point in life - probably not. To make a long story short, I pretty much live as an "it" - or a 3rd gender - not wholly fitting in with either sex. I would love to hear from others like me, to share experiences and hopefully discover some commonality.

regards,

Douglas

yr story is so sad, hope everthing works out for u in the end...whatever u decide

[Guest Elizabeth K]

WELCOME WELCOME WELCOME

True intersexed people are always welcomed here - and there are not that many of you on Lauraa's Playground, although a transsexual psychological profile is still about the same as with the intersexed.

I know what it is to feel like I should have been recognized and raised as a girl! BUT I am not discussing all that as I really hope other intersexed members come on board and help with your questions.

Yes - and we also have the androgynous here - those that truly feel both (or neither) gender. Look around and you will see a lot of diversity.

The key is - we try very hard to be supportive. Lot of nice people here! You will probably make some life-long friends. Please stay with us!

Elizabeth

[Guest Douglas]

WELCOME WELCOME WELCOME

True intersexed people are always welcomed here - and there are not that many of you on Lauraa's Playground, although a transsexual psychological profile is still about the same as with the intersexed.

I know what it is to feel like I should have been recognized and raised as a girl! BUT I am not discussing all that as I really hope other intersexed members come on board and help with your questions.

Yes - and we also have the androgynous here - those that truly feel both (or neither) gender. Look around and you will see a lot of diversity.

The key is - we try very hard to be supportive. Lot of nice people here! You will probably make some life-long friends. Please stay with us!

Elizabeth

Thanks, Elizabeth! I will be staying, even though I'm pretty busy these days and don't have a lot of free time to log in. I'm also attempting - but with little success or support from my current GP - to uncover some on-going and worsening hormonal imbalances and consequent health issues. I'm going to try a naturopath here in Victoria who is rated as very good. I'm hoping someone within this group can identify with my current hormone situation, the test results of which are apparently common in those with ovotesticular DSD - very high SHBG, high total testosterone, low free testosterone, high estrogen, and I think low estradiol (can't recall right now). Last night I woke up twice literally soaked in perspiration (hot flashes)! You look "great" by the way - I'm a bit envious

Douglas

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to the Playground, Douglas.

I believe that you will find the support and understanding here that you are looking for. If there is any place on the Web where it exists, it would be here.

I know you have a lot of things to contend with, and wish you success wherever your journey of self-discovery takes you.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Nikklo]

Hello, I'm Nikky. I'm a 48 year old single mom with 2 urethras. I was even married for over 20 years and birthed 2 children. No one, not even the US Army told me about my extra parts. I've always felt I was male and routinely write stories from the male perspective. I could try being a male but I'm under 5' so I may have more hassle with being a short male than to be a short female so I'll remain androgenous. I have 2 children. I'm wanting support as I learn to live with this new knowledge of myself.

[Bulldog1948]

Hi Douglas, Welcome TO Laura's. You have come to the right place . We hope that you will stay around for a long time.

Mike

[Bulldog1948]

Hello, I'm Nikky. I'm a 48 year old single mom with 2 urethras. I was even married for over 20 years and birthed 2 children. No one, not even the US Army told me about my extra parts. I've always felt I was male and routinely write stories from the male perspective. I could try being a male but I'm under 5' so I may have more hassle with being a short male than to be a short female so I'll remain androgenous. I have 2 children. I'm wanting support as I learn to live with this new knowledge of myself.

Hey Nikky, I got the biggest chuckle from your US Army thing- they didn't tell you about your extra parts.

Well, they didn't tell me about mine either [ even though I already knew and was strictly male thinking anyway]. But, they sure asked a lot of questions, like was I sure that I wanted to remain in the Army and or I could be discharged right away with an honorable discharge. I decided to remain in the Army. I have another friend that was a combat medic in Iraq that was intersexed. He had to retire after 20+ years after being badly wounded over there.So sometimes the Army does know, but if they like you and you have a critical MOS they'll overlook a lot of stuff just to keep you.

Mike