I Don't Do Sadness

[Guest NatashaJade]

Lately I've been having these attacks of melancholy that seem to persist even when I have no reason to be sad. It's not like the depressions I used to get which were deep and made me somewhat irrational. This is more of a being just on the verge of tears but not quite there. It's one of those things where people are always asking me what's wrong and I don't have an aswer for them. When my wife presses me, then I start to cry about the fact that I don't know why I'm feeling this way. I have so many reasons to be happy right now and I keep reminding myself of them, but then I start to fumble with the blues and I'm stuck there for awhile. Perhaps I'm just at the end of a lot of stress and it's trying to burn itself off. I don't know. I don't want to do anything. just bury myself in bed and not move for a good long time. But then I feel guilty for not doing anything and not interacting with the kids.

I just want to go stare at the ocean. I miss it so much, the way the moon reflects on the water. There's nothing else like it...certainly not here in the desert.

Here's my melancholy tune for the day...from the musical, Spring Awakening.

Don't do sadness

I'll get over it or I'll live in it. Still better all things considered...methinks.

luv

Gin

[Guest Donna Jean]

Awwww, Gin...

I know exactly what you mean...could be a result of the Progesterone.....dunno...

My wife will ask me "What's wrong?" and it catches me off guard and, the truth of the matter is I don't know what's the matter!

I mean if the dog chewed my new heels I could be down for a good reason...

I just get the "blues " or "blahs".....I really don't know why...

But, I just plow on through them as best as I can....

Maybe it goes with the territory......

Gin, maybe we should do something fun...you up for some shopping?

HUGGS!

Donna Jean

[Guest NatashaJade]

Hey Dee Jay,

I wish I could say it's the progesterone, but I have abstained from that particular additive. C'est la vie. Some days are blue.

I would love to go shopping! Spending money always cheers me up for a time and I really need a few nice blouses for summer

luv

Gin

[Guest GeoJamesLee]

*hugs*

I hope that you feel better soon and just know that things like this happen. You'll get past this.

*hugs*

[Guest KellyKat]

Hi Gin

I don't know that I can answer you except to say I know how you feel.

I seem to get depressed because the sky is blue and it's Tuesday.

Everything can be going great and I'll just feel blah. Getting out of bed is a chore.

I'm not thinking bad thoughts - I just somehow feel drained - like everything seems dull.

Not boring - more like colorless, drab, like looking through a fog. I don't know what triggers it.

When I go into moments like these it's hard - if not impossible for me to talk about it.

Just me. Too many years being a loner and alone. But I do see that things aren't right, and try to get back to normal.

If I'm able to I will talk with someone. Most times though I'll start or get back into a project.

I try to take everything I'm feeling negative and create something positive.

Writing stories or poetry is a great relief. Sometimes I don't have a clue what's wrong.

Then suddenly it's on the page infront of me. And suddenly I'll feel better.

Hope that this helps in any way.

Luv Kat

[Guest Evan_J]

For some reason this sounds like that strange land that I came from. Its gonna sound soooo "stereotyping" but do try chocolate I mean can it hurt?

[Guest NatashaJade]

For some reason this sounds like that strange land that I came from. Its gonna sound soooo "stereotyping" but do try chocolate I mean can it hurt?

Oh, Evan! Although chocolate soothes all ills, I am attempting to not eat my blahs away. I need to lose weight! (yet another reason for my down moos I suspect...). But now you've put it in my head and we have this lovely red velvet cheesecake in the freezer that the Cheesecake Factory gave us on Sunday because their service was so crappy...<sigh> No, I'll be good...I promise.

luv

Gin

[Guest]

Hi Gin,

I said about the same thing to my therapist yesterday. She asked, are you processing alot of information? Nailed it.

Can't stop thinking about what I'm doing, where I'm going, etc. Sometimes it blocks out my ability to enjoy the present like normal. Melancholy - pretty much describes it. (Epidemic of Melons? what does that word mean anyway?)

I concluded that I need to do more meditation - practicing staying in the here and now instead of somewhere else all of the time. But chocolate endorphins are a good alternative!

Love, Kat

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Honey - it seems to go with the territory! The part that nails it as hormonal, is that there is usually no reason at all! Everything is just..... sad!

My solution? I buy a pair of sparkly earrings!

Lizzy

[Guest ChloëC]

Gin,

I understand fully about the ocean.

Here's the first verse of a poem I wrote several years ago. If you'd like I can send you the rest (or anyone else. I put it up elsewhere and I'm not yet ready to have these two places connected). I was in Florida for a week or so and the last night we went to the beach, facing the sunset. I wrote the whole thing over the next 24 hours.

The Call

I stand on the shore gazing out o’er the sea

The moon glistens above, raining its beams on me

The breeze washes my body, I feel its briny smell.

The surf breaks against the land; I hear its wet yell.

Hugs

Chloë

[Guest NatashaJade]

Hi Gin,

I said about the same thing to my therapist yesterday. She asked, are you processing alot of information? Nailed it.

Can't stop thinking about what I'm doing, where I'm going, etc. Sometimes it blocks out my ability to enjoy the present like normal. Melancholy - pretty much describes it. (Epidemic of Melons? what does that word mean anyway?)

I concluded that I need to do more meditation - practicing staying in the here and now instead of somewhere else all of the time. But chocolate endorphins are a good alternative!

Love, Kat

Kat,

I know what you're saying and sometimes my overactive mind gets the best of me. This is different, though. This is more just pure emotion...just a feeling that I have that doesn't seem to have spawned from anything at all. If I make the mistake of thinking about something remotely upsetting, this just attaches the feeling to that thing rather than the emotion coming from the thing. Does that make any sense? *sigh* Maybe I'll eat that cheesecake after all...

luv

Gin

[Guest NatashaJade]

Honey - it seems to go with the territory! The part that nails it as hormonal, is that there is usually no reason at all! Everything is just..... sad!

My solution? I buy a pair of sparkly earrings!

Lizzy

Exactly, Lizzy! That is it.

Oh, and I would love to buy some sparkly earrings. Especially if they are dangly, too

luv

Gin

[Guest Chandra]

Hey Gin,

Don't sweat about the small stuff dear. You have so many positive things going for you, sometimes it's hard to see the big picture, which looks pretty darn good from where I'm standing.

Everyone has a blue day now and then. If we didn't we would'nt be breathing.

Time will work it's magic and every day will get a little better. I guarantee it.

I think we are all a sensitive bunch here at Laura's. But it is this sensitivity that adds that special something extra to our lives.

I think it expands our emotional range a little, making our good days seem a little brighter. But it can also work the other way.

I know it does for me.

Hope you feel brighter soon my friend.

Love and Hugs, Chandra

[Guest NatashaJade]

And now to make matters worse, my son is making me read him his story book for "Puff the Magic Dragon" which is terrifically sad and melancholy at the end. I always end up crying because of it. Oh, that boy just wants to see Daddy cry...

luv

Gin

[Guest Chandra]

And now to make matters worse, my son is making me read him his story book for "Puff the Magic Dragon" which is terrifically sad and melancholy at the end. I always end up crying because of it. Oh, that boy just wants to see Daddy cry...

luv

Gin

Gin, focus on the positive It's easy to feel bad if you are looking for it.

My wife and I were unable to have any children. To me just having a child is so wondrous it's a miracle, a product of both your love, to have and hold, to be the most important thing you do with your life. It's something I will never experience.

Love is life's most precious gift, and it sound like you have this in abundance.

Hugs, Chandra

[Guest GeoJamesLee]

And now to make matters worse, my son is making me read him his story book for "Puff the Magic Dragon" which is terrifically sad and melancholy at the end. I always end up crying because of it. Oh, that boy just wants to see Daddy cry...

luv

Gin

*hugs*

I hope that everything works out for you and that you day tomorrow is better.

*hugs*

[Guest Patsy]

Melancholy......such a perceptive choice of word, isn't it? Melancholia.

I read Gin's post yesterday, & thought to myself "Oh girl, do I recognize that landscape"

Life being fond of its little ironies, today is one of my "Blue Days" (Or wee small hours, really, given where I am).

Being the rational gal that I am, I nearly always make the mistake of trying to "analyze" why I'm feeling like this.....a lost cause, really, with

the "committee" between the ears already in full session!

I mean, I'm a sixty three year old transsexual who wasted virtually an entire potential life through cowardice & denial, most of my family have

avoided me like the plague since I "Outed" myself three years ago (my daughter hasn't spoken to me since), I live in uneasy truce with my wife, and

lord knows what the end result of that will end up being.

Living as I do in a small, conservative cattle town, and finding it increasingly impossible to dress in "normal" mode, half the town looks at me as if I've

grown a second head, and the other half just assume I'm gay!

I've had to fight my medicos & the horrid system tooth & nail just to get to where I am now, and any hopes of ultimately realising full transition seem increasingly distant.

Now, what on earth can be the matter with me?!

I'm with Evan, really.....its for moments like this that god invented chocolate! Which goes immediately to my waist...which means a week's power walking has been for nothing...etc., etc.

Hope is the engine that drives us all, really, isn't it?..No matter how bad today may seem, perhaps tomorrow will advance the cause just a teensy bit.

Sometimes, just to endure is enough.

Luv

Patsy