Got To Get Out

[Guest GeoJamesLee]

Living with my mother isn't the best thing for me. I know that I shouldn't be living on my own but I may have to go and do that.

Things just aren't working out here. I know that when I go and take my break and then come back things are just going to be the same as they are now. I can't handle living here so I need to figure out where I am going to go next. The thing is I just need to figure out where I can live.

My mom has done nothing but cry today and won't talk to anyone about what she is feeling, so I don't bother to ask.

She's only doing that because I told her I didn't want to talk about my feelings with her. That's just the way I am. I hate talking about my feelings in person, or over the phone. It's so much easier doing it in letters and online. But I can't even write her a letter without her crying. I can't DO anything without her crying.

It's really hard for me to deal with because it has to be her way or no way. It doesn't matter how hard I try something is always wrong with her and there is nothing that I can do.

I have a follow up with the Crisis Worker from the ER this Friday and I am going to ask her about what I could do. I am going to try and get Medicaid and try and get SSI.

Things are really hard for me and living with my mother just makes things a lot worse for me.

She made some calls today asking how much it would be to live somewhere for a week. She also asked about smoking. So it makes me think that she is thinking about going to a hospital.

Which makes me feel bad because I feel as though it's my fault that she wants to do this because of what I did the other day.

I guess all I have to do is work on moving out. It would be the best. For both of us I think.

I just hope she lets me take my computer so that I can have a support system.

[Guest Evan_J]

Well, I'm sure that if its intended to be your personal computer AND she's sure you're going someplace stable with it (cuz I'd be like that, not let you take it to someplace unstable) she will.

It sounds like your mom is kinda emotional as a person? Thats not the worse kind of mother to have. Might not be the easiest, but its certainly not the worse?

If indeed she is on her way to a hospital it is not your responsibility or blame. You don't know her reasons. And even if someplace amongst them is your name, its not likely that its because she thinks you're some horrible person tormenting her. It could be because she thinks she isn't being a good mom. Or anything else. Yes, there are some parents who's personal health issues might make them think the former, but mostly parents are inclined to think the later. You are in a difficult place with your own stuff right now and it sounds like she is in a difficult place with her own stuff too. But it is hers. And I'm not just saying that so that you can feel guilt free (though I don't think you should have any, haven't heard anything you did to intentionally hurt anybody other than yourself) but also because theres a certain "right" to their own stuff that each person has. Allow her that.

Yes, it could be that its healthy for you to live on your own, but considering all thats in flux at the moment , take some time with that concept at least until after you've spoken with your social worker. You're 18. You don't have to race out the door unprepared just because you are.Just saying, talk to the social worker first, bring up AALLL you concerns. You'd be surprised what resources a social worker actually has at their fingertips IF they know they are necessary

[Guest GeoJamesLee]

Well, I'm sure that if its intended to be your personal computer AND she's sure you're going someplace stable with it (cuz I'd be like that, not let you take it to someplace unstable) she will.

It sounds like your mom is kinda emotional as a person? Thats not the worse kind of mother to have. Might not be the easiest, but its certainly not the worse?

If indeed she is on her way to a hospital it is not your responsibility or blame. You don't know her reasons. And even if someplace amongst them is your name, its not likely that its because she thinks you're some horrible person tormenting her. It could be because she thinks she isn't being a good mom. Or anything else. Yes, there are some parents who's personal health issues might make them think the former, but mostly parents are inclined to think the later. You are in a difficult place with your own stuff right now and it sounds like she is in a difficult place with her own stuff too. But it is hers. And I'm not just saying that so that you can feel guilt free (though I don't think you should have any, haven't heard anything you did to intentionally hurt anybody other than yourself) but also because theres a certain "right" to their own stuff that each person has. Allow her that.

Yes, it could be that its healthy for you to live on your own, but considering all thats in flux at the moment , take some time with that concept at least until after you've spoken with your social worker. You're 18. You don't have to race out the door unprepared just because you are.Just saying, talk to the social worker first, bring up AALLL you concerns. You'd be surprised what resources a social worker actually has at their fingertips IF they know they are necessary

My mother is Bi-polar. She goes from giddy-kiddy to I hate you get out of my life.

She is paying off the computer that is what I am worried about. Even if I have a stable place to stay.

It's just the way she does things that make me feel as though it is MY fault even if I KNOW it's not. It's the way she words things. It makes me feel like crap and as though I should NEVER have been born.

It's a really bad idea for me to live on my own but I would rather do that then live here and be in pain all the time.

I see her this Friday so I'll see what she says.

And I am almost 19 thank you