Coming Out

[Flint]

Okay....so today is ahard day for me.....It wuld have been my friends birthday if she was still alive. So i'm thinking alot today. And then my grandad came and that got me thinking even more. about coming out to family. I#m out to mum and dad and sister. Mum tries to accept but can't. Dad wont accept and can't try. Thats what he says that he can't. But i know it's not that he can't it's simply that he wont try. Sister well she bullies me more so now. But.... I'm 18 this year. and i feel like this secret is holding me back. I feel like i'm getting no where. But i dont know how to go about it. COming out to rest of the family. It's not a very likley thing for me to do, to just phone them and such things. Grandad said today "How long you had your hair like that?" I replied a few weeks now. a month or so. (I've been avoiding all family for a while now) he said "Groow it back. You'd think you was a lad." In my head i was thinking "Yea? No kidding! thats cause i am a lad!" I've been looking into changing my name legally. But one thing that scares me is that not all family knows yet. I need advice really. How did you come out to the rest of your family? Problem is some of you might have better communications with your family. Due to my illness, and my never knowing realy how to comunicate properly it may be diff. But i just wondered if anyone could share with me how they told the rest of their family?

Thanks

MB

[Guest Huff]

honestly, I still haven't yet and am freaked out about it. Since I live on the other side of the country from them, it's been fairly easy to just not share that with them. I'm actually hoping that my grandfather dies before I have to come out to the whole family. Of course, that's a little complicated... I'll probably have to come out a little ahead of his death (which could happen in the next year, easily) so that it doesn't look like I'm trying to steal attention at the funeral.

families are rough.

Huff

[Guest Tabe]

Well, I'm rather lucky, family-wise. We're all a very tight-knit group. That whole "unconditional love" thing. Although I haven't told everyone yet, I haven't received a single negative reaction from the 16-or-so people I've told so far.

That said, I wouldn't have even cared if they hated me for it. The only person I cared about accepting me was my Dad, and he's been the most accepting of everyone I've talked to--family, friends, whatever. He actually had to worm it out of me though. I was too much of a coward to go to him. (It's a long story)

What I did for extended family was wait until I had a month and a half of therapy under my belt, and then approaching my family, one by one, and starting off as scientifically as I could, to sound less like a 'freak':

"I've been seeing a therapist for the past couple of months for gender dysphoria. We both believe that I have something called Gender Identity Disorder, which basically means that I'm a guy in a girl's body. Because of that, I've decided to start transitioning into becoming a male."

Along those lines. It seems to be the best opener, and invites questions. Which generally starts off with "how are you going to be doing that?", FYI, so be prepared to answer that if you decide to go the same route.

Things just happen from there. Hope this helped.

[Guest Ryles_D]

he said "Groow it back. You'd think you was a lad."

I would be so happy if someone said that to me. "yes! Success" I need to find out the rules on guys with long hair, though, having it short drives me insane.

Anyways, good luck with telling them. The response from your family is a bit disheartening, but you might be surprised at how the rest of them react. And, even if they do the same, at least it'll be out there so the more polite might be willing to switch to calling you 'he'.

Not that I know, I haven't told anyone. The closest I've came was telling a friend, and at first he seemed fine with it- but he didn't seem to get the subtleties that saying he was fine with it didn't mean it was now ok to call me a girl. (not because I'm MTF, because I'm FTN/M. I was really confused about the logic.). So, yeah, I'm not exactly an expert on coming out or people's reactions. When I finally get around to it I'll probably just compile a series of note cards in response to every question they could have on it. otherwise I'll forget.

[Guest Sergei]

I've been looking into changing my name legally. But one thing that scares me is that not all family knows yet.

I found it really useful to change my name before I came out to my more extended family, because then I had the certificate to show them when I did come out, and it showed them all just how serious I was.

[Guest Seth]

I asked my mom to out me to my family. I was afraid.

[Guest harvester52]

My mom told the rest of my family, too. The only family members that don't know are my dad's parents... and they're really rude, closed-minded, over-religious people who I know will not take it well.

[Guest StrandedOutThere]

Wow, it takes a lot of bravery to come out to people. I don't know if I have the guts do ever do it. My mom already feels so bad because my younger brother has had problems with drugs. I feel like it would kill her if I dropped the bomb on her. She's very accepting of things that other people tell her. Since she's a counselor (a quite good one at that), she has to be. Still, I think the standards for her own family are different.

My dad would be freaked out, but would get over it. I think my step-mother wouldn't be surprised and would continue to hate me.

The plan I always had would be to "just do it" and let them do the math. Since the change would be gradual, maybe they'd get used to it a little at a time. Given my history of acting like a boy and being a fairly masculine girl, I don't think my family would be all that surprised. Yeah, I don't think any therapist would recommend this route. Total honesty, from the beginning, is probably the healthiest way to go.