Last Names

[Guest JeanVier]

Hello, all!

I have recently told my partner that I am terribly uncomfortable with my birth name, and he is helping me choose a new first name! *sigh of relief* I was so worried about telling him, because he has always complimented my birth name-- but it went well. Excellent.

So, I am working on the perfect first name (and we have strong candidates), and I begin to see a legal name change in the near future as a real possibility. I am reviewing the name change process in my state, and my partner seems excited about finding a name we like and I want to be called. I would love to complete this process this summer, finish school in the fall with my new name, and graduate with my chosen name on my diploma and apply to graduate schools with my chosen name.

A question-- When you all went through the process of choosing a name, what were your feelings and decisions about your last name? Did you change it? Keep it? Why? I feel torn... On the one hand, I think an important part of one's name is the cultural heritage passed on to them by family, often reflected in one's last name. On the other hand, my last name comes from my father's side of the family, reflecting a part of my family that I am very distant from, do not relate to, and I have never truly grooved on the sound of my last name. Hmm. Choosing a new first, middle, and last name makes me excited, and at the same time slightly untethered... At this point, I lean toward-- ack! I do not know.

I would love to hear anyone's experience in this regard... Thank you!!

-JV

[Guest Donna Jean]

Jean......

Simply put....

I'll keep my last name.

I like it, it's only 3 letters, I'm comfortable with it and even though I will be changing my name to a femininized version of my old "male" name, I feel no need to change the last.

I feel ..."Why change my last name from L _ _ to McGillacuddy?"

Huggs

Donna Jean

[Guest Evan_J]

In the event that a person feels disconnected from or wishes to feel disconnected from a family or father (cuz typically peeps don't have mothers last name) then I think it can be liberating to "start over" with new names. It should be carefully considered though if there is an attachment to the ethnic or familial history it is associated with. A new last name can not only be "new" but if desired claim the nationality but leave out the actual person/family. Example: person wants to be Irish but doesn't want to be specific fathers kid. Person chooses a new but Irish name.

[Sally]

Names are a very personal choice and keeping the last name will let more people trace you unless it is Smith or Jones.

You should go with whatever makes you feel good, like Evan said you can keep the ethnic roots with a different last name from the same heritage.

Some people are not only comfortable with but also proud of their last names.

I feel ..."Why change my last name from L _ _ to McGillacuddy?"

Besides Griselda cannot Spell McGillacuddy consistently.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Alex Blitzen]

I actually wanted to change my last name, because of problems with my father. But I also kind of feel obligated to keep it. I am the last one in our branch of the family, so the family may die with me lol

[Paula ult]

I was going to change my last name to my original birth name as my grandparents adopted me after my parents divorced, i decided to keep my current name since my mother changed hers back and there was really no reason to change it. My therapist advised against it also, saying it may be more difficult getting through the court, they may think you are changing your last name to avoid bills and such, i do know people that have though.

My first name i choose was easy, i knew from the time i was little it would be Paula, my middle name was Paul, i just added an a at the end, my middle name was tougher till a couple months before i applied for my name change, i was looking at my mothers yearbook and saw her middle name was Denise, i liked it and in honor of her, since she is deceased, i made it mine, up till that time i never knew she had a middle name.

Paula

[Guest Hoslers_wife]

Nick was originally Laura Nicole. Ditched Laura completely but kept Nick (for nicole) and his last name (which is also the name I took) in memory of his father who always called him Nick as a child. I never had the pleasure of meeting his father but from what I've heard I think he may have known, especially when I watch a christmas video and watch his father get him baseball stuff and say "that's my guy" Lol. Some people are just smarter than others lol.

Love,

Chelsey Hosler

[Guest Lee-Asher Geo-James]

My story is a little complicated

I was in foster care. And 6 months before I turned 18 I moved in with my last foster family. They are great people.

I am adding their last name to my last name which is my Dad's last name. It's my mom's too but only because she hasn't changed it since she got divorced from my dad.

I am going to have like 6 names!! xD But I like to think of it as 3 because of the hyphens. xD

So it's going to be:

Lee-Asher Geo-James G.....-M....... (Note: The dots are random. My last name may be or may not be longer than what the dots show. Just FYI )

*hugs*

LeeAsher

[Guest Pól]

I've been thinking hard about this for a long time now, but I don't think I'm going to change my last name. I'm keeping it to honour my grandparents though -- nothing to do with my father.

[Guest Batsu Maru Otoko Yo!]

I kept my last name. It didn't really occur to me to change it, but if it had I still wouldn't have done it. I love my family, as whacked-out as they can be sometimes, and the name is part of my heritage besides. There aren't many Hispanic last names that are as particularly Puerto Rican in origin as mine...heaven knows I wouldn't want to be Acosta number eight million or Hernandez number sixteen billion.

I think it's a pretty personal decision, though. If the name still feels right to you, then keep it.

[Guest JeanVier]

Wow-- so many wonderful replies and stories! Thank you, everyone!!

It never occurred to me to change my last name until I came across a fabulous name in the name book and realized it would be a great middle or last name... which then inspired long contemplations on my 'relationship' with my last name. I feel reluctant to keep my father's name because I am not close to that side of the family and that side is the most likely to send me hate mail/disown me if/when (when!) I come out as trans, and it seems so arbitrary that I was given my father's father's (etc...) name, when the last names of the women in my family have disappeared with marriage. Yet, at the same time, I am the first-born, so I feel a certain father-son connection about keeping the name I was given, his name; also, it is a name of German descent, and that is the part of my heritage, along with Native American also on my father's side, that I feel most connected to. Evan, great suggestion as to choosing another name of the desired descent... but I am not that involved in the German-American community... And, Paula, you bring up an excellent point about possible legal complications-- I just want the judge to smile and say, 'Certainly, ___'! Plus, maybe my keeping the name would be a chance to redeem it (and I hope that does not sound grandiose!) by being a gender-nonconforming, loving, accepting person in the world. Also, in the end, the meaning of a name has its limits, and what really counts is the person behind/holding the name.

Hmm. I still have some thinking to do, some deep reflection. Thanks again for all of the stories-- it is so good to read the experience of others in similar situations... I love reading them!!

-JV