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By MaeBe · Posted
Easy, I have felt the same way, not quite to the point of wanting to quit but sitting there one dosing morning and thinking "what am I doing?". I am in a crazy place right now; family is moving across the country, I am being laid off for the first time in my career and have to find a new job, and I'm in the middle of this gender journey that seems like it makes everything harder than it could be. I'd always been a "man with boobs", even when I was in my 20s and really skinny I had breast tissue, and now I'm accepting of that and want more but in a different way--I don't want to be a man with boobs, I want something different. I am something different, but it's hard because of nearly a half-century of social programing. So I empathize with your struggle, very directly. I haven't dressed "male" for nearly six months and I just volunteered at a conference with my femme nickname and she/her pronouns on my name lanyard. The whole experience was great, I didn't feel a minute of anxiety or worry. That stuff comes at home, when left to my thoughts. Which is more telling? The comfort being Mae in public or the doubts and worry in private? When I look in the mirror and see this more feminine me, it calms down the doubts and worry, so I'm starting to allow myself to trust in the former. -
By Lydia_R · Posted
Totally! I started HRT 21 months ago. I'm 53yo now. I mostly did not want the feminine genes of my family to take me over. I told my doctor I wanted athletic breasts. She has kept me on fairly low doses and I'm avoiding progesterone so far. It's mostly mental for me. Taking the pressure off from not having erections is soothing and changes my thinking. I just want that stuff gone. I had fun with it, but I'm over it. I'm extremely happy with what has happened with my breasts. Perhaps it took more than a year, but they have a feminine, athletic appearance now. I don't notice changes in the rest of my body. I've always enjoyed being thin and straight and have no desire for curves. I can dig that butch with a feminine touch look. I was upset at cutting my hair, but I'm liking it now. It's fun to see all these young transwomen in my environment. Everyone has their own style and the younger generation has a style of their own compared to us older people. OK, back to baking a pie and doing some knitting.... -
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By Ivy · Posted
I have one daughter who is left handed. But she is fairly ambidextrous. Apparently you have to be. -
By Ivy · Posted
The time I spent "on the street" was mostly in the woods. I dislike cities. Even now my "bathroom" is out in the back yard, and has been for years. When you're used to it, it's not so bad. Helps one keep up with the seasons. I have no desire to live on the street in a city. Most of my adult kids live in cities. It's nice enough for a visit, but I still prefer the country. -
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By Ladypcnj · Posted
It's amazing how we can use either hand to write with, not too many people can do that. -
By RaineOnYourParade · Posted
Y'all be holding pencils like left handed people but I just hold my pens/pencils in ways that make people go "what the actual [squid]" -
By Ladypcnj · Posted
Hi Ivy, I can relate to that holding my pencil in my left hand although I'm right-handed. -
By EasyE · Posted
So I am two months into E therapy as of this week. What can I say? I am now a busty blond supermodel who doesn't look a day over 25. This stuff is amazing! OK, so I exaggerate, lol ... Seriously, the effects have been subtle so far. I would say very slight "plumping" in the chest region. More pronounced feelings at times (especially anger, which I don't necessarily like). The downstairs feels ... different... I can tell something is going on to affect that region. Things come and go. I do feel overall ... different. Still dealing with fatigue though not as much as last week... Back story: I had treatment for head and neck cancer 20 years ago. One surgery removed a tumor in my lymph nodes. They took out a whole bunch of stuff from my neck that was anywhere close to the tumor, including part of my shoulder muscle on the left side. Since then, my shoulders are lopsided and things (i.e. my chest) tend to sag on that side. I have long joked that I had a "uni-boob". Well, maybe the other side is going to catch up a little? Right now, I wouldn't pass for female upstairs except for the uni-boob (and the fact that I keep everything shaved). I nearly quit HRT last week. I have been pretty discouraged overall with my life, career, relationships, direction. I feel pretty rudderless at times, and nothing seems to be going anywhere. For a day, I just felt like HRT was going to add to the misery: who is going to want a "man with boobs" (I still really crave the affections of a female, which is why a lot of this is very confusing). But those feelings seemed to have passed or at least are on simmer... For now I will keep going. I just don't think I can ever give up wanting to dress female or desiring to have a more feminine body shape. Where that leads, who the heck knows... What a strange life this is turning out to be ... -
By Lydia_R · Posted
I've been feeling for decades about how completely awful the bathroom situation is in America. We have these portable restrooms all over the place in the cities with people coming to empty them but there is a sewer right underneath them. When I lived on the streets, at night if I had to go, I often walked 12 blocks to a portable restroom only to find that it is locked and then I would scour the city for a 20oz coke bottle to pee in. It was sad when society had to fight stupid people making restrooms in parks unsafe. It seems like things were better in the 70's. -
By Lydia_R · Posted
Totally. Coffee is too expensive this morning, but last month I hunted down some nice ginger and had that stored well in the meat drawer of my fridge that I don't use for meat. Made a nice pot of ginger tea and played piano while it was boiling. D-7 Bbmaj7 G-7 Bbmaj7 A7#9 repeat the cycle Cmaj Emin Amin G F C/E (or is it E-?) D (lydian!) G Fun stuff. The Navy had me playing Jamiroquai's High Times on bass around South America. Fun bass line on a 5 string bass! I played it for the first time in 25 years the other day. Sure was fun! Not too into the lyrics. Jay Kay is wonderfully melodic though. Put on Allentown, sitting at my computer. Someone has to do this work. I can't really afford it, but I need a battery for my watch with hands. I'm likely going to ride the bus there because I'm working on healing my feet. I hate the bus, but this guy at that store can replace the battery in 20 seconds. I'm lost without my watch. My stupid clock in the kitchen went on "power saver" mode and the clock goes to sleep. Not a good way to cook. I use my watch for all kinds of things though. I've got my old men's Timex on the ear of the stained glass owl in the entry. It has a dead bat too. -
By Vidanjali · Posted
"In the midst of winter, I found there was within me an invincible summer." -Albert Camus "Let nothing disturb you, nothing frighten you, all things are passing, God is unchanging. Patience gains all; nothing is lacking to those who have God: God alone suffices." -St. Teresa of Avila -
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By Ivy · Posted
I wonder about this sometimes. If it were so, they would be in their 50's by now. It's not impossible. Guess I'm a girl with a past.
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