I Know What I Am And What I Want, I Don't Know What To Call It

[Guest praisedbeherhooves]

Well, I have a fashion sense that is generally that of an effeminate gay man minus the fashionable part (by that I mean I don't follow trends or care about brands but simply dress in a slightly effeminate but clearly male manner) because I want to be considered a male, but when I go to a gay event or a gay group, I dress flamboyantly androgynous to masculine because I know I can still pass fairly well like that and when surrounded by drag queens, candy kids and fashionxcore kids, no one could say with a straight face that I'm not really a guy since I wear eyeliner. When I'm online I generally look purely androgynous, or even androgynous to feminine, but do not disclose what my genetic gender is, unless I'm on a transgender site or talking to a fellow trans person. I do not really care what gender my behavior is but it generally falls towards masculine or androgynous. However, unusual as it might sound, I prefer to look like a pretty guy. I'd actually be somewhat unhappy with my appearance if I looked extremely male. Ideally, I would have been born as a male with Klinefelter's Syndrome. The risk of breast growth would be the biggest downside but insurance would pay for the breast removal and I think that most of the time it doesn't happen. The main things I want is a voice that is passably adult male (my current voice sounds like a 13 year old gay boy whose voice is in the middle of breaking), a flat chest, little body hair, no period and to look pretty but male or androgynous. I consider myself non-binary, but I don't know what the specific would be. Does this make me gender queer or just an unusual FTM?

[Guest Liam]

Does this make me gender queer or just an unusual FTM?

It makes you whatever you feel yourself to be. There's so much gray area when it comes to gender. I feel the same as you about a lot of things. I wouldn't call myself effeminate, really, but I definitely like being androgynous. Like you, I want a deeper voice, a flat chest, no periods, and not much body hair, though I've resigned myself to the fact that I'm going to get some potentially undesired effects when I go on T. I identify as both genderqueer and FTM - a genderqueer man, basically. Like, if I had been assigned male at birth, I probably still would identify as somewhat genderqueer, but would be much more comfortable with my body and my gender than I am now. I went back and forth between the two labels for a long time, though, thinking I had to pick just one, that they were somehow mutually exclusive. That I couldn't be genderqueer and a man. But that's totally not true. You are whoever you are - whether you're genderqueer or FTM or both or neither.

[Guest Exeter]

However, unusual as it might sound, I prefer to look like a pretty guy. I'd actually be somewhat unhappy with my appearance if I looked extremely male.

If it's unusual, then I am too. I feel the same way... I would like to be male, but look somewhat girly still... just without breasts/hips and other female 'problems'. I'd like to look youthful and boyish. This is what really baffles my dad... he thinks it's 'messed up' to want to be a boy just so that I can be 'more' girly than I am now. He just can't understand that I want to be a pretty 'BOY' not a pretty 'GIRL'! I'd feel more secure about my gender and then I could wear make-up. Actually, I think if I got on T... I'd eventually get my body hair removed.

Right now since I'm physically a 'girl', I don't care about being 'hairy' since it makes me less attractive as one, as odd as that sounds. My dad always acts like I'd be disgusting and slobby as a guy, but when I correct him and say I'd be neater and so on... he then says I'm confused or trying to 'get in touch with my feminine side'... ughh... And it gives him the impression that I always want to be the opposite of what I am. I actually 'want' to be miserable! That's what he thinks... yeah, who actually 'wants' to be miserable?

[Guest identity_unveiled]

well then. that's basically my question, i suppose, as well. i feel pretty much the same way.

i don't feel like a straight girl, i feel like a gay man. and slightly more effeminate than a man man would be, you know.

i don't really know what to call myself in that regard. i usually just use genderqueer. i just don't know for certain yet.

i Do know, however, that the main things that Need to go is the chest and period. it just doesn't seem right to be on me when i feel like something else. and the 13 yo gay boy voice, haha yeahhhh i can relate. it's a bummer. i'm kind of in a quandary about it all