I Need To Vent Before I Scream

[Guest chngnwnd]

My ex is still putting me through hell - and is still threatening to take the kids even though she has been spending 8 hours or less with them a week for months...

This week she out did herself: 0 hours spent with the kids - and I was treated to watching my oldest son sitting at the piano playing and crying... When I tried to find out what was wrong I was greeted with this gem: "Leave me alone, I'm always alone because of you!" - he blames me for his mother ignoring him - and she is threatening me over custody issues. She's tearing up my children emotionally and I don't know how to help them AND I am getting attacked from all sides...

It is very hard to take the high road and not unload about her in front of the kids when I see the pain she is causing them. I can't believe how completely selfish she is - not the lovely person I married all those years ago...

[Guest N.Chaos]

God loves you, that's just sick...I know a pregnant dog like that, she has kids for the free paycheck, it's just twisted.

I wish I could do anything to help, I can only hope that your kids will see the truth for what it is. I'm really, really sorry..

[Guest Opal]

I'm so sorry. Wish there was something I could say that might help, but am at a loss....

Depending on your circumstances, maybe scream and cry into a pillow.

Our thoughts are out to you.

Opal

[Guest Jean Davis]

Ohh honey

I'm so sorry to hear that.

How old is your son? Is he old enough to understand that it is his mothers fault only that he isn't getting to spend time with her. I know of many mothers that would walk over burning coals to spend time with their children, you being trans is just an excuse for her to slack on spending time with the children. This is not yours or your childrens fault, the blame soley falls on your X and she will regret her desicions in the future.

As for her taking custody of your kids, she makes her case worse everytime she misses out on seeing them. Perhaps you could start keeping track of how much time she spends with the kids and when she doesn't show.

Please don't beat yourself up over this, instead take the extra time your X leaves you with your kids and do something special with them. In time your kids will come to realize who is the parent that loves them and who is the one that doesn't.

LUV

Jean

[Guest Patsy]

I can only agree with Jean, Hon....we are so vulnerable to manipulation.

Don't know how old you son is, and his comment must have been like a hot knife between the ribs, but children

are such logical creatures, and it is probably how he sees it....perhaps with a little assist from your wife.

I really wouldn't take his accusation to heart, he's simply venting himself..and you're there, to your credit.

Know nothing about American Family Law, but I'm sure there are members here that do....I'm assuming you have

legal custody?

Cannot find words enough to express my admiration for you, chngnwnd.....I just wish I could offer some practical solution.

Luv & a supportive hug,

Patsy

[Guest ChloëC]

chngnwnd,

I can understand quite well. In my divorce, we originally agreed to have joint custody, but because I had a screwed-up lawyer, I lost that, but my ex was in no way desiring to be the custodial parent, she only grabbed it to 'get back' at me, not because she loved her child. I wound up having to pay a lot of money for a really good lawyer (actually two, because it went over two states), but I finally won custody. (my child was between the ages 1-4 during all this). And the courts (ie Friend of the Court) were basically against me the whole time as the father. I wanted custody because I knew I loved my child and I knew he needed even more love because of the break up.

And once you get custody, as you're finding out, that's where the real problems start, because the custodial parent is the one now tasked with raising, nurturing, loving, and disciplining, and those all can be very difficult tasks without the non-custodial parent looking like Mr or Ms Wonderful because they can lay on all the treats and special days and times that you can't.

All I can tell you is to give your child (or children) all the love you can, all the parenting skills you can muster, all the patience and then some when they complain or sulk or whine, and realize that what you're doing is absolutely the right thing and hopefully eventually they may realize it.

And that realization may not come until they are parents and they begin to see that what you taught them and showed them, and how you cared for them and were there when they were sick and when they had success, day in and day out, how difficult that really is, they may just see you in a different light, and know then that you loved them, unconditionally, continuously. And as they go about their lives, and raise their kids if they decide, you'll see what you did was successful, and right.

I always try to say there are no guarantees, but as others have said, kids are sharper than we sometimes realize, and they learn even if they won't admit it, who the loving, caring, always there parent really is. They're human and they get upset and irritated just like all of us, and the closest parent is the easy target, but in the long run, they know.

It's a tough road, but the rewards are really wonderful.

Hugs,

Chloë

[Guest Elizabeth K]

chngnwnd,

I can understand quite well. In my divorce, we originally agreed to have joint custody, but because I had a screwed-up lawyer, I lost that, but my ex was in no way desiring to be the custodial parent, she only grabbed it to 'get back' at me, not because she loved her child. I wound up having to pay a lot of money for a really good lawyer (actually two, because it went over two states), but I finally won custody. (my child was between the ages 1-4 during all this). And the courts (ie Friend of the Court) were basically against me the whole time as the father. I wanted custody because I knew I loved my child and I knew he needed even more love because of the break up.

And once you get custody, as you're finding out, that's where the real problems start, because the custodial parent is the one now tasked with raising, nurturing, loving, and disciplining, and those all can be very difficult tasks without the non-custodial parent looking like Mr or Ms Wonderful because they can lay on all the treats and special days and times that you can't.

All I can tell you is to give your child (or children) all the love you can, all the parenting skills you can muster, all the patience and then some when they complain or sulk or whine, and realize that what you're doing is absolutely the right thing and hopefully eventually they may realize it.

And that realization may not come until they are parents and they begin to see that what you taught them and showed them, and how you cared for them and were there when they were sick and when they had success, day in and day out, how difficult that really is, they may just see you in a different light, and know then that you loved them, unconditionally, continuously. And as they go about their lives, and raise their kids if they decide, you'll see what you did was successful, and right.

I always try to say there are no guarantees, but as others have said, kids are sharper than we sometimes realize, and they learn even if they won't admit it, who the loving, caring, always there parent really is. They're human and they get upset and irritated just like all of us, and the closest parent is the easy target, but in the long run, they know.

It's a tough road, but the rewards are really wonderful.

Hugs,

Chloë

Yes - perfect reply!

And when you marry a person, you marry the 'idea' of a person. Sometimes it's close to true - but often it is not. My soon to be ex-wife is turning vicious right now and I am really sad over that. Did I waste 15 years with her? Obviously I did. Fortunately no children - I shudder to think what she would do with them!

Lizzy