My Bestest Friend

[Guest Opal]

Just imagining life growing up as it should have been…..

My mom’s friend brings over her daughter for a play date, we spend time coloring in our coloring books, sharing crayons, and we fast become best of friends, my bestest friend. We learn to play jacks together, play hopscotch, jump rope like crazy. We start sharing each others’ clothes , and sharing secrets.

My bestest friend has me over for a sleepover. Our moms have bought us matching pajamas, and we pretend to be twin sisters. We giggle and laugh, whispering more secrets. We try fixing each others hair, each style crazier than the last, and laugh some more. I’ve brought a couple of dolls, and a few stuffed animal friends. With her dolls and stuffed animals, my bestest friend and I put on one fantastic tea party. We even managed to get a doll dress on her kitty cat, but her kitty doesn’t stay for tea long.

Well, lights out and we crawl under the covers. With a ‘borrowed’ flashlight, we start paging through one of her mom’s fashion magazine, taking it all in and dreaming of growing up, giggling and whispering the whole time. In the magazine is a section on weddings, and we discover that we have both been flower girls before. We each share what kind of wedding we are planning, and we promise to be in each other’s wedding, my bestest friend and I.

The time to go home comes way to soon, tearfully waving goodbye as my stuffed animals, dolls, and myself . Although it is good to be home, I miss my bestest friend. Soon we will be playing together again, giggling, sharing secrets. Back home, I find out from my mom that she and my bestest friend’s mom were friends in college. They are nearly as excited about our friendship as we are. Life is good, no , life is wonderful.

School is about to start, and we are really excited. We go shopping for clothes, outfits, and supplies. The big day arrives, and we anxiously await as we are escorted to our classrooms. We meet our new teacher, a very pretty lady, and notice other girls with new outfits, who we are anxious to meet and talk. The boys in the class are very noisy, and start getting annoying very quickly. At recess, my bestest friend and I meet up and rapidly start chatting up about our new teacher and class. Soon, a couple of other girls join us, we hug and share our excitement. Too soon, recess ends and back to class.

After school, I go home excited and chatting with my mom about my day. After arriving home, I beg and beg to use the telephone. Ultimately, I’m allowed to make a call, so after my bestest friend answers, we chat about everything that happened, this first day of school.

(Well, I have a few more ideas, but needed a break, so what are your thoughts? )

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Makes me happy - makes me sad. I didn't have any of that and I was really meant to.

DANG (trademark)

lizzy

[Guest Donna Jean]

Oh my,

That's so sweet...

Yes, we were all meant to have that.....

Thank you for that....

Donna Jean

[Guest viv]

Life gave us lemons Hun ,,,,so we get busy making lemonade .

Oh but what if ,,,,,what if . viv .

[Guest Hoslers_wife]

What the heck do you mean what if? Although I doubt the elementary school would feel very comfortable with grown woman playing with school children and sharing their clothes its not too late for the rest. I do want you all to know that not all bio girls have that memory. But do you know what I do have? I have a best friend whom I love and trust.( no I don't mean nick) last night we baked cake and got batter on each others faces. She chased me down the hall throwing flour at me. We acted like five year olds and after we cleaned up we cuddled on the couch and watch a scary movie while eating that amazing cake. My point is do those things now. Find the silly girl stuff and do it. And please, whatever you do, don't put cake batter in my husbands hair. It upsets him lol.:-)

[Guest Opal]

What the heck do you mean what if? Although I doubt the elementary school would feel very comfortable with grown woman playing with school children and sharing their clothes its not too late for the rest. I do want you all to know that not all bio girls have that memory. But do you know what I do have? I have a best friend whom I love and trust.( no I don't mean nick) last night we baked cake and got batter on each others faces. She chased me down the hall throwing flour at me. We acted like five year olds and after we cleaned up we cuddled on the couch and watch a scary movie while eating that amazing cake. My point is do those things now. Find the silly girl stuff and do it. And please, whatever you do, don't put cake batter in my husbands hair. It upsets him lol.:-)

Hi,

Sorry for the confusion. The 'what if' was referring to what if I had been born female on the outside, as well as on the inside. It is a pretty well understood feeling for those of us who have these feelings. But if you have never had those feelings, its tough to imagine.

No, I absolutely wasn't trying to mix any adult actions with any children. Simply trying to create some happy memories from our childhood.

Hugs,

Opal

[Guest Hoslers_wife]

I'm sorry. I just reread my post and that sounded very harsh of me. That's def. Not the way I meant it. I just wanted to share my silly York story from last night because it was so much fun. I can't imagine you you must feel having missed out on what should have been. I'm sorry, sometimes I get too ahead of myself :-(

[JJ]

Ah childhood! I wish I coud recapture the ability to throw off the stress and fears of the day and enjoy myself as much as I did then.

I didn't really have friends in the mundane world but when the night mane of school was out and I tore off my hated dresses I slipped on my jeans and shirt-or more often fringed leather jacket, mounted my trusty steed Fury (an old Schwinn boys bike) . I was joined by my faithful wonder dog and the world was mine!

Sometimes I strapped on my Lone Ranger gun set and spent the afternoon slaying bad guys and rescuing damsels in distress or stalked game through the forest in my feather headdress. Other times I grabbed a hammer and nails and built contraptions. I sat at my microscope fascinated by the teaming life in dirty water if the weather was bad. Or painted the cowboys I rode with in my mind.

Golden hours of pure happiness. I am so lucky that being a Tomboy was accepted-although a few people did mention that I took it to the extreme.

Thank you for reminding me how lucky I was. I've been reviewing my life a lot and thinking mostly about the horrors-it's nice to remember the good things too.

Like my bug collection.

How did it ever take me over 5o years to figure I was trans?

And I think it is so wonderful that if you don't have some golden memories you are creating them!

I know you'll beel welcome here! I'm a newbie here too but the love and acceptance are indescribable.

JJ

[JenniferB]

That is a nice dream Opal. I wish I had a sister to grow up. Well I have two sisters but the age difference was too great. I'm the baby of the family. If I had a sister I would have known at that time whether I was transgender or not. So I really didn't have a choice but to grow up as a boy with my brother. If the dolls and dollhouses were there things might have been different. <sigh>

Still, it isn't good to dwell on what might have been too long.

Love Susan

[Guest Jennyw157]

Hi Opal

That was a wonderful story and it took me back to when I was very little, before I started school. I was the youngest and the only boy with 5 sisters, 3 of which I grew up with. My youngest sister and I were very tight and still very close and I know she will be the first person I come out to, however I think she already knows...lol

I remember her and I dressing in her dresses and we would spin around dancing and watching as the dresses poofed out, for some reason that was a really neat thing to me. I would play house with her and have the tea parties and play with dolls and I honestly thought I was a girl and that I would grow up like my older sisters, till I started school and it soon became very clear that I wasn't and I hated that. Then my parents stepped in and I could no longer play with my sister or her things in front of them, but still we would sneak and play together from time to time.

I was forced to be a boy, I had no choice, I fought it and they would win time and time again. I was the only boy and the only one to carry on the family name and that was preached to me my entire young life. I think maybe my parents knew something wasn't right, but back then didn't have a clue as to what it might be, but I do think it scared the hell out of them and they reacted by trying to keep me away from anything that might be considered girlish.

Your story brought back some great memories that I had forgot about and took me back to a peaceful time I had before I knew what reality had in store for me...

Huggs

Jenny

[Guest Jewel]

What the heck do you mean what if? Although I doubt the elementary school would feel very comfortable with grown woman playing with school children and sharing their clothes its not too late for the rest. I do want you all to know that not all bio girls have that memory. But do you know what I do have? I have a best friend whom I love and trust.( no I don't mean nick) last night we baked cake and got batter on each others faces. She chased me down the hall throwing flour at me. We acted like five year olds and after we cleaned up we cuddled on the couch and watch a scary movie while eating that amazing cake. My point is do those things now. Find the silly girl stuff and do it. And please, whatever you do, don't put cake batter in my husbands hair. It upsets him lol.:-)

This is an excellent point...

Said another way, it's "There's no time like the present!"

Whatever your age, you still have the chance to make lasting, fond memories with good friends. They might not be exactly like what you imagined in your "dream childhood", but like you said, not all girls had those sorts of experiences in childhood. Make your own right now. That goes for trans women, cis women, trans men, cis men, androgynes, and furry purple aliens from Neptune.

But yeah, LOL, stay away from the school children

[Guest Opal]

I'm sorry. I just reread my post and that sounded very harsh of me. That's def. Not the way I meant it. I just wanted to share my silly York story from last night because it was so much fun. I can't imagine you you must feel having missed out on what should have been. I'm sorry, sometimes I get too ahead of myself :-(

Hi Chelsey,

Thank you so much for your clarification! Hope I wasn't being too terse in my reply. Its been a roller coaster week. Anxious about meeting with a new therapist next week.

Yes, you are correct about some bio girls not having that kind of a memory. I think now that my statement about all having new outfits for the first day of school was very unrealistic. So many kids are brought up in a poverty or near poverty situation.

One of the problems in my day was intolerance by both kids and adults of trans-gendered kids. Thus, trans-gendered kids usually didn't have any close friends. Hope that is no longer the case.

Thats great fun you and your friend had! I wouldn't dare get cake batter on my friend Misha's new outfit !!!!

Huggs,

Opal

[Guest Opal]

Ah childhood! I wish I coud recapture the ability to throw off the stress and fears of the day and enjoy myself as much as I did then.

I didn't really have friends in the mundane world but when the night mane of school was out and I tore off my hated dresses I slipped on my jeans and shirt-or more often fringed leather jacket, mounted my trusty steed Fury (an old Schwinn boys bike) . I was joined by my faithful wonder dog and the world was mine!

Sometimes I strapped on my Lone Ranger gun set and spent the afternoon slaying bad guys and rescuing damsels in distress or stalked game through the forest in my feather headdress. Other times I grabbed a hammer and nails and built contraptions. I sat at my microscope fascinated by the teaming life in dirty water if the weather was bad. Or painted the cowboys I rode with in my mind.

Golden hours of pure happiness. I am so lucky that being a Tomboy was accepted-although a few people did mention that I took it to the extreme.

Thank you for reminding me how lucky I was. I've been reviewing my life a lot and thinking mostly about the horrors-it's nice to remember the good things too.

Like my bug collection.

How did it ever take me over 5o years to figure I was trans?

And I think it is so wonderful that if you don't have some golden memories you are creating them!

I know you'll beel welcome here! I'm a newbie here too but the love and acceptance are indescribable.

JJ

Hi JJ,

Thanks for your story and view on things! If you don't mind my asking, were you able to play with groups of boys and be accepted as a boy? Hope I'm not being insensitive in asking.

I have a relative who has a 'bestest' friend. Their moms are also pretty much best of friends. After both my relative and her 'bestest' friend each had daughters, everyone hoped that they would be good friends as well. It turned out that they could barely stand each other! One never knows!

Yes, this site is really amazing, and the people on here are wonderful!

Hugs,

Opal

[Guest Opal]

Hi Opal

That was a wonderful story and it took me back to when I was very little, before I started school. I was the youngest and the only boy with 5 sisters, 3 of which I grew up with. My youngest sister and I were very tight and still very close and I know she will be the first person I come out to, however I think she already knows...lol

I remember her and I dressing in her dresses and we would spin around dancing and watching as the dresses poofed out, for some reason that was a really neat thing to me. I would play house with her and have the tea parties and play with dolls and I honestly thought I was a girl and that I would grow up like my older sisters, till I started school and it soon became very clear that I wasn't and I hated that. Then my parents stepped in and I could no longer play with my sister or her things in front of them, but still we would sneak and play together from time to time.

I was forced to be a boy, I had no choice, I fought it and they would win time and time again. I was the only boy and the only one to carry on the family name and that was preached to me my entire young life. I think maybe my parents knew something wasn't right, but back then didn't have a clue as to what it might be, but I do think it scared the hell out of them and they reacted by trying to keep me away from anything that might be considered girlish.

Your story brought back some great memories that I had forgot about and took me back to a peaceful time I had before I knew what reality had in store for me...

Huggs

Jenny

Hi Jenny,

Thank you soo much for sharing this with us! I was essentially an only child, so I can really relate to 'carrying on the family name'. My parents went so far as to buy a different house where the only neighbor kids were older boys, two of which had a father who was a former Marine. My hair was kept at a 'GI' cut until I was in my teens and I grew it out.

You have a wonderfully special bond with your sister! Maybe when you decide to 'come out' to her, perhaps a couple of questions before hand might help you better assess her likely response. The reason I say this is because I have a relative who was really open-minded growing up, but after getting married and having kids, her views got ultra-conservative.

Would like to maybe do a 'Part 2' to the story sometime. Wonder if I might PM you with some some of my thoughts?

Thanks!

Huggs,

Opal

[Guest Jennyw157]

Hi Opal,

I thank God I didn't have to deal with older neighborhood boys and marine fathers....YIKES, That had to be tough. I had a pretty shelltered childhood and tho my parents tried to keep the girlish stuff away from me, I figure they still raised me like a girl, since that is all they knew after raising 5 girls.

I just wasn't allowed to be one...lol

I would absolutely love to chat with ya anytime, I'm usaully on Yahoo Messenger in the evenings as Jennyw157, pm me or anything....

I'm just hangin around trying to figure out what the next step is and how to take it.....

Huggs!!!

Jenny

[Guest NatashaJade]

Nice imagining, Opal. Sometimes it's a lovely thing to ponder the what-if's of our lives. And, yes, while there's no time like the present to make new memories, we'll never be little girls. Your story is one kind of lovely childhood. I would have enjoyed that, too.

luv

Gin

[JJ]

Hi JJ,

Thanks for your story and view on things! If you don't mind my asking, were you able to play with groups of boys and be accepted as a boy? Hope I'm not being insensitive in asking.

I have a relative who has a 'bestest' friend. Their moms are also pretty much best of friends. After both my relative and her 'bestest' friend each had daughters, everyone hoped that they would be good friends as well. It turned out that they could barely stand each other! One never knows!

Yes, this site is really amazing, and the people on here are wonderful!

Hugs,

Opal

Hi Opal,

When I was a child in Texas in the 1950s boys didn't play with girls.I was always mad about that

But once in awhile I would learn a new trick on my bike no one else could do or show them how much tougher I was than the boys were and I would have an afternoon of acceptance. I even got to go in the dugout hideout once.

I had a sister 2 years younger and we played house and I would be Dad or she'd be a girl held captive by bad guys and I'd rescue her but it got old.

I did have a boy cousin-really a 2nd cousin -who came to visit about once a month and I saw at my great-grandparents every holiday. We were like boys together. Did things like seeing who could hold a firecracker longest-nobody won usually because he was as tough as I was and we'd both end up getting burned.(Won't go into the peeing contest from the barn loft except to say biology betrayed me there) (He even managed to get kicked out of Texas A & M years later for fighting ). Those were the best days of my childhood.

One of the best things here is getting to talk about the way things really were after so many years of silence.

Hugs to you too,

JJ