Don't Know How To Feel

[Guest tori319]

So I saw my therapist today and I don't even know where to begin.I was really nervous,my other therapist sent me to this guy because he was more experienced with trans people.I met with him and he asked me if I masturbated and had sex,and I said I had done the former but had never been comfortable enough to do the later.He also told me I should have sex with a guy before starting hrt. He also told me that I was too masculine and that he would rather me have come in a wig and heels.He then told me about all the problems that I was going to have and about another trans woman who dates straight guys and how he's worried about her.He said that he wasn't trying to discourage me and I even agreed with him on some points, but this other stuff bothered me a little.He also said I was using the wrong terminology and that transgender means a non op and transsexual means mtf.I feel very discouraged, like I either want to self medicate or die because I can't deal with living this anymore.

PS.Does being able to self gratification mean I should be fine to have sex?

[MaryEllen]

Those questions seem a little out of line to me. I think you should see a different therapist.

MaryEllen

[JenniferB]

I agree with Mary Ellen. Why is this therapist talking to you about sexual orientation and fetishes. This therapist seems like a bad one. I'd move on and find a better therapist. Use google to see if you have a local transgender support group. If there is a website, they usually have a list of good gender therapists. If not, give them a call or go to a meeting and see what you can find out.

Love Susan

[Guest Melanie Dawn]

Seem WAY off to me.. see someone else.

Melanie Dawn

[Guest tori319]

Thanks, will I still be covered by kaiser if I find another therapist.

[Guest Girl Emily]

Those are some real weird questions and comments. I don't know how Kaiser insurance plans work but they should have a list of approved providers you can choose from. I would never go back to that last one.

Huggs,

[JenniferB]

Thanks, will I still be covered by kaiser if I find another therapist.

My insurance has a list of therapists that are part of the health network. You are going to have to log into the Kaiser health network website. They should have a list of therapists somewhere on their website. If you have a local transgender support group, go to a meeting and ask who they like. Then see if the therapists they recommend are part of your health insurance network. Another idea is ask your local electrologist (most are very transgender friendly) who they think is a good therapist. I know when I mentioned my therapist was she said the one I had was ok, but there is a better one in town (who unfortunately is not in my health network). Also you can just call up the therapist and see if they work with gender identity and know the Harry Benjamin "Standards of Care".

I hope that helps. And if you are still having trouble, or if something doesn't seem clear, don't hesitate to ask.

Love Susan

[JJ]

When I read your post my first thought was-that therapist needs a therapist himself.

When I was a social worker I frequently referred people to therapists and there are a couple of red flags on this one.

First - As far as I am aware it is highly unethical to discuss a client with another client -even if no names are used. It is a bad sign.

Second -The therapist doesn't sound as if he is up to date on current gender research.

And 3rd-Most importantly he doesn't sound like a very good fit. I always stressed to my clients that

they needed to find a therapist that was a good fit-you just know. A therapist that is wrong for you or has their own agenda is worse than no therapist at all!

I hesitated to post because I have not seen a gender therapist or worked with one but I can't imagine that the ethics or standards would would be that different.

Hope you can find a good therapist soon!

JJ

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Tori,

Several things......

1. This therapist is the most unprofessional therapist I have ever heard of (and I have heard some real dingbats).

2. This therapist is not a gender therapist and has no idea as to what being transgendered means.

3. Gender idenditity and sexual orientation are two completely different things. Having sex with a "guy" is not a prerequisite for HRT... period.

4. Self gratification is irrelevent.

5. This therapist should have a formal complaint made against him (see http://www.aamft.org/resources/lrm_plan/Et...h_Complaint.asp ) for details.

Brenda

[Guest tori319]

I kind of felt something was off when I saw the judgment in his face,and maybe he thought I should be with guy because he' s gay and maybe assumed that I was too.Idk but I will look into getting another therapist. Do I tell him because he did set up a schedule to July he said he wanted to see me at least once a week.

[Guest NatashaJade]

Tori,

Cancel with him and lose his number. He has a severe case of Gate-Keeperitis. Do yourself a favor and find a therapist who is more interested in how you experience being trans then how he thinks you should experience it.

Oh, and I agree with Brenda that you should file a complaint. The NERVE of him telling you that you should go sleep with a man. Tell him that he can take Blanchard and Anne Lawrence and shove off...argh. That stuff makes me angry.

Sorry, dear. This guy has obviously bought the autogynephilia canard and he's using it to decide who gets to be trans and who doesn't. There are people out there who care about helping us. Find one, please.

luv

Gin

[Guest tori319]

I plan on calling kaiser on Monday,but he did say that he had only work with trans people who were already dressing.

[Guest doodle]

He sounds out of touch with things . I would never go back. Finding a good GT is a hard thing to do so don't take the first person that comes along. It is important that you get a good feeling about the person so trust can develop with out that you will have problems going any further in your transition. If you decide to transition. being a trans person can be a hard life but not transitioning if you are trans is worse . I think every one will here will agree.

Kelly

[Guest ReginaRenea]

So I saw my therapist today and I don't even know where to begin.I was really nervous,my other therapist sent me to this guy because he was more experienced with trans people.I met with him and he asked me if I masturbated and had sex,and I said I had done the former but had never been comfortable enough to do the later.He also told me I should have sex with a guy before starting hrt. He also told me that I was too masculine and that he would rather me have come in a wig and heels.He then told me about all the problems that I was going to have and about another trans woman who dates straight guys and how he's worried about her.He said that he wasn't trying to discourage me and I even agreed with him on some points, but this other stuff bothered me a little.He also said I was using the wrong terminology and that transgender means a non op and transsexual means mtf.I feel very discouraged, like I either want to self medicate or die because I can't deal with living this anymore.

PS.Does being able to self gratification mean I should be fine to have sex?

No doubts about it- you need to get a different therapist and turn this one in for inappropriate behavior.

You have to find your own comfort zone on doing sex in any manor. And the place of a therapist is to help you understand

what you are going through and help you make up your mind what you want to do. Not insult you or degrade you.

This so called therapist violated the medical rules of ethics and one or two cannons_.

_{I really hope you find a better therapist. Good luck Luv always Regina Renea}

[Guest Jennifer T]

I'd have told him "you need help" and got up and left. Those questions were none of his business. This stuff makes me mad. Grrrrrr.

[Guest Donna Jean]

Honey.......

Everything above me is very good advice.....

This therapist is WAY off base...and you don't need this garbage....

Look for another.....OK?

Huggs

Donna Jean

[Guest tori319]

I thought I could figure it out but I'm having trouble finding another therapist.

[Guest Pól]

This might not work given how strange your therapist seems, but you could tell your current therapist that you're not comfortable going forward with him and ask him to recommend some other therapists who have more experience working with people with gender issues. If you get a few names, that's a place to start, and if you don't like any of them, you can ask them for other recommendations.

Might be worth a try