Coming To Terms!

[Guest Leahtart]

Hi Ladies,

I began cross dressing when I was 16 and I am still going strong at 49 nearly 50 ! When I began on this adventure I encountered some intense highs, both sexual and emotional ; and I truly cherish those times. However their was a downside - my feelings of guilt and shame because of my cross dressing ! The amount of lingerie I threw away doesn't bare thinking about ! I have no idea why I suffered in this manner, although I have a long shot theory involving my parents; they were prudes ! If a kissing scene appeared on the TV my Dad would turn over the channel ! Now this was in the 1970's when television was very tame compared to nowadays! My Mum was brought up catholic and had a very dim view of anything sexual ! So maybe my parents contributed to how I felt after my periods of cross dressing. I am pretty much over that now although I do get the odd flash back and have to fend off my guilt. I would appreciate your thoughts on this.

Love,

Leah

xxx

[Guest Emily H]

Aw Leah, Im glad to hear you feel you are coming to terms with this feeling!

I must say, I strongly understand you feelings of guilt. I had them for such a long time, and unfortunately they have not gone away entirely. Its a subconscious feeling. You might consciously think, there's nothing wrong with this, but your subconscious knows, that a figure you look up to and respect disapproves.

There is no reason to be guilty though, and I am glad you are feeling it go away!

Emily

[Guest Hoslers_wife]

Although I am not trans I can relate all too well. I was raised Baptist and I came out as a lesbian at 14. I had a lot of shame and guilt hanging over me. I was severly depressed and could never make a relationship work. I had "problems" sexually when I was with a woman. I developed a cutting habit and never formed a lasting connection with a lover or friend. I hurt a lot of people before o met nick. I've since moved passed feeling guilty for things out of my control. I am married with children and I have a great best friend. Never before in my life could I say I trusted someone or really loved someone until I let go of my shame and started living. So much time wasted and bridges burned. Hmmm, nothing I can do about it now.

Love,

Chelsey hosler

[Guest Penelope]

Hi Leah,

I feel that my parents were blameless in this. I think guilt more likely to have arisen because I could not compare my behaviour with anyone else I knew around me and, probably, peer pressure when young. Children can be incredibly unkind to anyone in their midst who does not conform with what they regard as 'normal'.

I reached 56 before I decided enough was enough. I could not change what I was. At the very least, I was a cross dresser for life and it was not going to go away; no matter how much I tried to stop dressing (sometimes for years) or purge clothes.

I decided I was not going to feel guilty any more. I was going to release thoughts and feelings that I had suppressed or concealed, even from myself. I was going to explore the feminine part of my nature and let it develop naturally.

Happily, I found this site shortly afterwards. One of the strong underlying principles here is 'be yourself'. I am learning to do that.

My main regret is not having done this years/decades ago. But then I'm from a pre internet era and, however venerable, Lauras Playground is not that old.

Hugs,

Penelope

[Guest meagan]

I am glad that i have not felt guilt for my want of wearing womens clothes. I can understand why someone may have guilty feelings though. I think for me, i just never cared what anyone thought of me as i have had so many people hate on me for so many stupid things that i just let it bounce off of me. My own dad was very religious and even to the point of burning his records and photography books, taking my tapes and records and trashing them and trying to guilt me with stories of burning in hell. I just could not feel guilt in this type of situation as to me, i viewed my dad as being rather foolish and immature. In fact, he told me he felt guilty of providing me a bad role model. My dad has no idea of my cross dressing and someday i may tell him, his guilt tripping was in relation to my choices of music or artistic output and even my skateboarding.

I am always happy when i hear about someone who is able to conquer there feelings, guilt or any other negatives. Also to add, i have yet to purge myself of my clothes and i would hate to find myself having these kind of thoughts. I lost way too much of my stuff years ago from becoming homeless and ending up with one set of clothes, a jacket, and a quilt to sleep with. That experience makes me look at my stuff like it was gold to be treasured. The day i attempt a purge is the day i hope one of you come round and give me a hard slap.

[Guest Leahtart]

Many truly sincere thanks for your encouraging words! My sexual psyche (for want of a better description!) I believe was influenced by both my parents, but please don't think I am blaming them because they were influenced/conditioned by their parents; in reality we are all victims of this. My Mum, as I wrote previously was brought up in a strict roman catholic family, and boy did she pay in later years. My Dad was brought up by his Father, who wasn't religious, yet my Dad was very uneasy about sex; and he'd served in WW2 so he hadn't led a sheltered life! It has taken me a long time to be where I am today, and most days I sail through without guilt, I am not 100% free of that unwanted guest! Thankfully my wife encourages me to cross dress, and is more enthusiastic than me!!!

Love,

Leah

xxx

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Dearest Leah,

The feelings of guilt and shame associated with crossdressing is very common. I too would go from elation when dressing in a new outfit to shame and purge of the clothes that I just bought.

All I that I can really offer you is this....

The next time you feel ashamed and want to purge... do not through everything away. Know that what you are experiencing is typical and that there is really nothing to be ashamed of. In time, you will realize that expressing your true self is the only time when you are happy. Loose that guilt because there is nothing that you need to be ashamed of.

There will come the day when you express yourself each and every day more and more. Embrace yourself and know that you are not alone and that it is right.

I wear perfume, bracelettes, panties, feminine shoes, tight jeans each and every day to work Cross dressing is a way of life for me, and I feel great!!!

HUGS

Brenda

[Guest meagan]

Blame. a great word and something i even apply to my dad and others even though there is nothing to really blame. I do know we are all under the effect of influences from family as well friends and even strangers. Something i often say to my friends in regards to myself, "I am most upset about my own self when i catch myself doing things i hate seeing done by others around me"

I was also thinking about how i hear of so many purging themselves of their clothes. Since i have not done this and i cross my fingers i never do. i lack that understanding of the reasons or feelings attached to it. But i was wondering if when someone is needing or feeling a purge coming, is there enough control to make the purge a 2 step process. Meaning, step 1, purge by false removal like packing the clothes in a container and putting them in a deep hole in the backyard. If guilt is still a burden, then take step 2 and do a permanent removal. I wonder about this idea in a sense of out of sight out of mind temporarily. Since so many purges result in having to go out and re purchase the lost items. if step 1 helps to appease the feeling of purging for the short term, then when you wish to have your clothes back you can just go out and dig them up again. I have no real idea and i hope that all made some sense. I am interested in some understanding of this purging thing.