I Didn't Think I'd Be Back

[Guest Zabrak]

I didn't think I'd be back. Not because I don't need trans-support but because I just didn't feel attached to Laura's anymore. But the last few days I've felt the need to go somewhere - somewhere I can post rather then talk in real life about a personal trans-problem.

Well, first 4/5 peoeple saw a picture of me and said nice haircut guy - you look good to me. Then the last person said "Sorry, I thought you where a girl at first."

Then just today, a few minutes ago, some random guy in real life asked if a guy who was serving me "are you done with her?" the server asked "Huh? Who?" then the guy went "Oh, I mean he. Sorry."

After a year + on treatments and going in for my chest surgery this year, I thought I passed 100% and if not passed then look androgynous(that they couldn't figure out if I was male or female).

So yeah, I feel like crap. I don't know if I even should be allowed to get my chest surgery(even if its fully covered already) because I clearly still don't fully pass...

[Guest i is Sam :-)]

both people corrected themselves. and the other's read you as a guy. clearly no one read you as a girl in that no one was like, no that's totally a girl. most read you as a guy or weren't sure and took a stab at it. it sound's like you're doing fine to me, i know it shakes your confidence but try to stay positive.

[Guest Hoslers_wife]

I'm glad you came back. Even if the reason isn't the greatest. Unfortunately passing is a huge problem with so many Tmen but you can't let little mishaps ruin your day. Stay optimistic! If you already have your top surgery planned, go thru with it. I'm sure that will boost your confidences

Enormously. Look on the bright side sweety.

Love,

Chelsey hosler

[Guest Alex Blitzen]

Welcome Back *hugs*

Of course you should be allowed to have your chest surgery... you aren't doing it for those other people, you are doing it for yourself. It might not be a complete problem of passing, sometimes people make mistakes. They might have just guessed wrongly, or weren't paying attention. There are other possibilities. After all, 4 out of 5 people calling you a guy is a good thing To me it sounds like you are passing rather well.

[Guest Lee-Asher Geo-James]

I think that if you feel deep down that you want/need the surgery then go for it. To me surgery has nothing to do with passing, at all. I feel that it has to do with what you want and what you need.

Do you want the surgery or need it?

If so go for it!

Like Sam said, they corrected themselves after they realized what they said. It was an honest mistake. Yes it sucks, but they didn't mean to offend you I am sure.

*hugs*

~LeeAsher~

[Guest Zabrak]

Thanks for the welcomes.

Well, I'm tyring to stay optimistic but its hard. Although, I feel better after posting it here for some reason. I guess cus' people here can relate.

I guess, yes, they both didn't go "that has to be a girl" so thats a upside. Just hard for me to deal with not always going to pass when I so badly want it.

I think that if you feel deep down that you want/need the surgery then go for it. To me surgery has nothing to do with passing, at all. I feel that it has to do with what you want and what you need.

Do you want the surgery or need it?

If so go for it!

Like Sam said, they corrected themselves after they realized what they said. It was an honest mistake. Yes it sucks, but they didn't mean to offend you I am sure.

*hugs*

~LeeAsher~

I don't need it and to give you a tip, thats what a consular will be looking for you to say for things like this. I don't need it but I want it, and heres why: so I can go swimming without worry, so I wont cause further damange to my chest with binding, so I don't need to worry about wearing thin T-shirts during summer, to boost my confidence and to be one step closer to who I truely am.

[Sally]

Zabrak,

Sweetheart, I am so sorry that this has happened but I do believe that you should go ahead with your surgery - it is for you not for them or me or anyone else - just for you!

You know that I love you like you were my own son, I have felt that way ever since we first met.

I know what it feels like to be misread - it happens to all of us at one time or another but the main thing is tat you feel that you are a man - I am sure that you do and that is what all of the transitioning is about.

You have no reason to doubt - just keep moving forward and you will get there.

I love you,

Sally

[Guest Pól]

I'm glad to see you back!

Also, I agree with Alex -- the surgery is for yourself, not for other people.

[Guest My_Genesis]

Kyle!! i honestly didn't think I'd see you around again myself.... welcome back

I agree with Sam. I guess in correcting themselves, they kinda did see you as androgynous (in the way you described it)?

[Guest Donna Jean]

Zab.......

Welcome back, Baby....

HUGGGGGGG!

I'm sorry that happened....Like was said...it was corrected so it came out right in the end...But, I know that the orininal call can hurt.

Recently I was sir'd to my back and when I turned to face the person ...she said "Sorry Ma'am!"

It still cut....

I do love you.....

Dee Jay

[Guest Lee-Asher Geo-James]

I don't need it and to give you a tip, thats what a consular will be looking for you to say for things like this. I don't need it but I want it, and heres why: so I can go swimming without worry, so I wont cause further damange to my chest with binding, so I don't need to worry about wearing thin T-shirts during summer, to boost my confidence and to be one step closer to who I truely am.

So, if you say you need it to a therapist they'll turn you down? I know I don't need it (it's just something I say because some people are like not I don't want it I need it and are snappy about it... I try to stay on people's good sides).

[Paula ult]

Zab,

Glad you came back, i agree it was an honest mistake and they corrected themselves, i know how painful it can be, even though i pass in person, on the phone it is a different story, i get called sir, guy and all the wrong pronouns, something i hope to fix pretty soon.

Paula

[Guest Patsy]

Hello, Kyle.....*Hug*

Sorry to hear about your experiences, & I know how hurtful that can be....I guess we all do!

But as others have mentioned, you know who you are, and that's the bedrock, really, isn't it?

I can only speak for myself, hon, but I learned very quickly that I simply had to develop techniques to

deal with situations like that, or go mad.

By which I mean, if I was only ever going to be as good, emotionally, as the attitude of the last person I'd

met, my life was going to be an utter nightmare...and of course, I was hyper sensitive to slights, real or imagined.

If I passed 99 people without comment, and the 100th. gave me "attitude", that's the one I'd go to sleep on!

These days, I've developed what I call my "Go on...I dare you!" look...amazing how few actually take up the challenge.

They can't hurt me, unless I conspire to allow them to.

*HUGS*

Patsy

[MaryEllen]

Hey Z-man. It's good to see you again, my friend.

MaryEllen

[Carolyn Marie]

Kyle, its great to have you back, whether its for a short time or a long one. This place always shines a little brighter when you're here.

I'll just add my voice to the chorus here, and remind you that you didn't decide to have the top surgery to please someone else; you wanted to

do it because it meant a lot to YOU, to be more complete as a man. That reason hasn't changed any, I wouldn't think.

There are few of us, FtM's or MtF's, who won't get clocked at some point, no matter how far along the road to transition we are. It sux, its

unpleasant and demoralizing, but its part of what we have to deal with. Just let it roll off your back, Kyle. Its of little consequence.

You know who you are, as do we all. You're one heck of a man, and I'm proud to know you.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Zabrak]

Thanks all..yeah, thats true, some will always get clocked onces in awhile.

But...maybe I'm paranoid but I feel like I've become some kind of target.

The last month, I've noticed a HUGE increase of people screaming at me out their card window well driving by fast, stuiff that makes no sense, like "BOO" and other stuff I've never heard clearly because well..their in their car screaming out the window...people arn't gunna hear everything they say. It's not daily but it feels like it. Dirty looks out the windows too. I also had a egg thrown at me out a car window but they missed, by a lot. I don't think I was the "sole" target because who would see me, get a group of friends in a car, get some eggs then just to drive by me, miss hitting me and drive away? Still, its bothersome. Why am I a likely target?

This is what I basically wear:

Why am I drawing so much attention?

[Guest My_Genesis]

Thanks all..yeah, thats true, some will always get clocked onces in awhile.

But...maybe I'm paranoid but I feel like I've become some kind of target.

The last month, I've noticed a HUGE increase of people screaming at me out their card window well driving by fast, stuiff that makes no sense, like "BOO" and other stuff I've never heard clearly because well..their in their car screaming out the window...people arn't gunna hear everything they say. It's not daily but it feels like it. Dirty looks out the windows too. I also had a egg thrown at me out a car window but they missed, by a lot. I don't think I was the "sole" target because who would see me, get a group of friends in a car, get some eggs then just to drive by me, miss hitting me and drive away? Still, its bothersome. Why am I a likely target?

This is what I basically wear:

Why am I drawing so much attention?

hmm... well judging solely by the picture and the egging experience i'd say maybe they think you're younger than you are. like a teenage boy. so maybe they think it's kinda like a prank? like stuff teenage guys like to do to each other? i dunno.

i don't think it has anything to do with your passing though, i mean i don't think it's like "hey, we can't tell if that person's a boy or a girl, let's throw eggs at him/her." lol... i think it's more of a playful thing than to be derogatory if what i said above is the case.

[Guest Zabrak]

I suppose that could be right. I do know I look like a teen. Myabe their just being playfull/jerks. Someone did say behind my back "I hate teen boys." It was a guy who said that too...

I've also been getting a lot of sexual(like you know they want to bed you) looks from OLD men(30-40+).

Sorry for all the questions and posts but I haven't been here in along time...

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Kyle,

I am glad to see you again. I wish it were under better circumstances, but I am glad to hear from you once again my friend.

I want you to know that even cis-gendered people get mis-gendered. It happens sometimes.

Presently, you are still very young. Your body is actually still maturing. This process will continue all the way into your thirties.

As you continue to grow and mature, the day will come when everyone will call you sir. Being called sir consistently is something that just happens one day.

Be patient, it will happen.

Love

Brenda

[Sally]

Kyle,

I am sorry it took some odd events and questioning to bring you back here - but it is so good to see you here again!

Love ya,

Sally

[JJ]

One thing I'd like to add-it applies to humanity in general and as a social worker I've seen it over and over. When we are afraid or uneasy our body language brings out the predator in certain types of people.

I suspect that many transgendered become defensive and uneasy early on so that posture and body language automatically go into victim mode. The more incidents happen the more the victim mode kicks in and the worse it gets. It takes a little practice and awareness but the old head up, shoulders back, chin out look em in the eye will make a huge difference. Act confident whether you are inside or not. Surprisingly your mind tends to get fooled by your body and you'll start to feel more confident.

I know-much easier said than done but I promise it's worth it. It's all human nature. A part that has never changed since the old tribal days when the frightened or unsure among them got people killed. You'll see the same thing in almost every social animal. It isn't really the strongest that win-it's the most confident. And the great thing is you can successfully fake it if you practice.

You'll be amazed how much difference it will make.

As for the surgery - isn't the real issue becoming the real you?

Hope I don't sound preachy-I just can't help wanting to help any way I can.

JJ

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Kyle

First - it is good to see you!

Secondly - don't sweat it! 90% of what you worry about never happens. You are a man - you are growing into it - lotta years of the wrong hormones that have to be overpowered - same as with the rest of us, wrong start in life

You do look 14 years old - its good and bad - you look like a 14 year old guy! But you are in your twenties - not what you want.

Honey - I look like a 40 something woman now - HRT is good to us MTFs but, I am extremely tall and very large. It causes people to hesitate sometimes. I just have to smile like it is no big deal - Lizzy the Amazon!

We both have to be ourselves. Hell with anyone else. The old men looking at you? Probably oogling you as a guy - homosexual! GRIN! Bet you never thought about that happening!

Egging? You look so serious most of the time - kids look for victims - you were just in the wrong place maybe - it wasn't because you looked like anything but a teenager, a guy though, through and through.

Yes - we missed you! I have left and come back to Laura's so many times they installed a revolving door!

We can be here to let you vent sometimes - but we'd really just like to know how you are doing! We like you.

Lizzy

[Sally]

Now you know the real reason that Lizzy asked me to live with her - I make her look petite!

Seriously, Kyle you do look like a very young man - but you would have to look young or no one would believe that I was old enough to be your mother - now stop laughing!

Relax, be yourself and be happy, sweetie - you deserve it - be happy.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Leigh]

hey Kyle, welcome back.

sorry to hear about what's been going on. but judging from your pic, i think you definitely look completely male...just very young.

i used to get random people yelling stuff at me out of car windows..i think it just has to do with how old the think you are.

other than that, just try to look confident, if you walk around like you aren't afraid, people are a lot less likely to mess with you.

and go for the surgery. then you won't have to wear a hoodie all the time.

best of luck man.

peace&love