Emergency Family Trip

[Guest raydub]

ok. i didnt know where else to take this issue so im pretty happy i have the forums now cause i dont know where else to ask about it or talk about it...

so...my fiance's grandmother is in the hospital - she was admitted yesterday - and it doesnt look good. we are renting a car and driving up to Rochester from Atlanta tonight so the fiance, her brother, and her cousin can see the grandma. no one else in the car or in her family knows about me being a guy. im not even sure if ALL of them know that my fiance is(?)was a lesbian [my running gag lately has been that she's straight now so maybe they'll start inviting us to family gatherings ] ..the people that knew (and are still alive) arent very happy with it..INCLUDING my fiance's mother (who is in Rochester currently AND who is taking the hospitalization of her mother pretty hard) AND the grandmother (who is currently comatose).

my fiance has been the single most supportive person EVER as i embark on transition.. but yesterday she says - please dont hate me, but im going to refer to you as "she" all weekend. i dont want to have to have that conversation while everyone is dealing with the grandmother/hospital thing. ..she says she doesnt want to throw me to the wolves because her family is very judgmental and WILL actually freak about the whole thing and "ACT A D@MN FOOL" despite the "occasion." she said she'll still call me Ray though (one point for me! woot!)

wait...why am i writing this... support i suppose. i guess i really just want someone else to know what im walking into this weekend - so i wont have to explain the story in an uber post when i get back. i hope it wont be as bad as it sounds. thing is.. ive grown pretty confident in the past couple weeks and can even deal when referred to as a girl, since I KNOW im kind of a campy guy anyway. [that and my trans-pa wisely told me to try to not take myself too seriously - after all i was born a girl there's SOME benefit in that].

i think i'll be ok cause i KNOW im a good man and im there to take care of my family (fiance) and extended family (whether they like it or not). for real? i refuse to let my fiance go through this experience alone. im her best friend and her soon-to-be husband and it just wouldnt be right.

my head's on straight yea? ...

a little worried, but feeling strong.

keep me in your thoughts this weekend? and i'll try to update.. esp. if things get to an extreme.

oh wow.. this is long as shite.. thank you for reading.

-Ray

[Guest Drew]

i admire you for going to support your fiance. even if her family is less than supportive it's her that you care about and she needs you right now. you seem to have your priorities straight. i'll keep you in my thoughts this weekend, and please tell me how it goes. good luck.

Drew

[Guest Rika-chama]

It's great that you are supporting her family even though they aren't very supportive. It shows what a great guy you really are.

[Guest Sergei]

Sometimes being a man is about being the bigger person. It's great that you are strong enough to support your family, you're agood guy. I hope everything turns out well. xx

[Guest Michelle M]

That is so beautiful. It sounds like a wonderful relationship, how you're both so supportive of each other, and how you are doing this for her.

btw, I was a bit confused at first until you said 'her'. Sorry to be a language stickler, but Fiance means a man who is engaged. Fiancee (with 2 E's) means a woman who is engaged.

It is very nice that she is so conscious of respecting your pronouns. It's cute that she thinks you'll be mad because of it. I'm glad you're willing to put up with the false pronouns just to be around her family, it's a very strong thing to do. Good luck and I will pray that your future grandmother in law will be ok.

[Guest GoldenKirbichu]

This shows that you're a very strong person. The best men are the ones who can overcome adversity even while being irritated or upset. Good job.

I hope the grandmother-in-law recovers.

[Guest raydub]

real quick..

the grandmother is doing much better.. and it wasnt as bad as i thought it might be.

we're leaving for the 15 hour drive back in about two hours.

thank you SO much for your responces.. and for the spelling/grammer correction, Michelle.

your support is very much appreciated.

xoxo

-Ray

[Guest Seth]

I know it probably shouldn't, but that pisses me off a little.

Whenever my girlfriend calls me 'she' on accident, I get really mad, and I know I shouldn't, but I do.

So what do I do about that?

[Guest raydub]

I know it probably shouldn't, but that pisses me off a little.

Whenever my girlfriend calls me 'she' on accident, I get really mad, and I know I shouldn't, but I do.

So what do I do about that?

1 - dont let anyone tell you whether something should urine you off or not. if it pisses you off then it pisses you off.. thing is.. sooner or later, you wont be peed off anymore.. so its ok.

hrm .. I am currently trying to figure out what to do about the "being called a girl" thing myself. I suggest you try to figure out why it pisses you off so much. Somewhere in the deep corner of your mind do you think she's doing it maliciously? Are you afraid that she'll never see you as the guy that you are? Do you think that she still thinks of you as a girl and not a guy?

Personally, Ive found that jumping to these sort of thoughts in my head, lead me to getting upset when someone who ive had the "im a boy" conversation with slips up. Thing about these thoughts are - Theyre NOT true. Just assumptions Ive made in my own head that I over-react to.

Just my personal experience.. and what Im trying to do about it. Give it a try?

Ray

[Guest Seth]

Thanks Ray.

I've talked to her about it before and I asked her if I'm a boy to her or just a Transgender boy. She said she sees me as a boy, but other things. It's complicated.