Speed And Change

[Guest Emily Ray]

Hello everyone,

Transition to me feels like for years I've been pushing a snow sled up a mountain. Not one of those plastic things they sell today, but one of those realy heavy ones with the steal frames and thick heavy hardwood slats on them thats been handed down through the generations for so long nobody is quite sure who owned it first. Well sometime recently I reached the top of the mountain. Its not really clear when and I must have fallen onto the sled and started down the mountain. Things are moving so fast now I'm looking for a brake (these things should come with a warning.) I'd jump off, but then I might lose my sled and that would be bad. So, I'm sliding down this mountain picking up speed and holding on for dear life not sure if there's a big drop off ahead or if it will curve out gracefully at the end. Will somebody futher down shout out it will be OK and I can relax and enjoy the ride.

Huggs,

[Guest NatashaJade]

That's a great metaphor, Emily. There are times when it's a nice easy slope and then you turn onto the really steep part with all the trees and rocks. The only padding you have is the new stuff on your chest, hips and butt...not enough protection from the world. What a rush, though! I wouldn't miss it for the world.

luv

Gin

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Emily hon,

If you feel that things are going too fast, talk to your GT.

I will tell you this hon... things settle down and you reach a point of quiesence

HUGS

Brenda

[Guest Emily Ray]

Thanks Brenda and Gin,

It's just been a really busy two weeks. Week 1 Saturday go out in public for the first time. Sunday out myself to my Sister. Tuesday out myself to my Mom, she tells Dad and sister tells my brother. Friday I am modeling dress in front of my mother. She gave me a really fun long full skirt that just screams spin around real fast and feel it rise. Week 2 Sunday out myself to a complete stranger and make a good friend. Tuesday send an email to every aunt, uncle, and cousin as well as my whole high school class by way of Facebook and my ex wife. Everyone, but my ex has been supportive and she hasn't responded one way or another. Now I find myself having to justify not going full-time next week or tomorrow even. I know I'm not as ready as I want to be. But, it's just so much more fun being myself. I'm young at least at heart. I'm cute. I look good in a skirt why shouldn't I wear one all the time? Its getting to be a real challenge to come up with plausible reasons. I'll be OK I know that. I guess it's the last dying grasp of Brandon holding on to control that he no longer has.

Huggs,

[Guest NatashaJade]

Emily,

You should go full time when you are ready to do so. I know people might wonder why Brandon is sticking around, but it's for you to say when you're ready to leave him behind. I know I wont be ready until I know I can support my family without being J. I also don't plan on coming out until then, but if it should happen, I'll simply explain that I cannot afford to be full time yet, nor do I think I'm ready. It's your life. Do things at your speed.

luv

Gin