Why Has Everything Changed?

[JJ]

Sure suddenly realizing you're transgendered at 63 can change your life.

Ending decades of denial can ease so much emotional pain

But the changes in me are so much more far reaching than I could have dreamed or anticipated that I kept asking myself why. Why so much?

Actually realizing I'm transgended could be expected to cause more grief and pain instead of peace and happiness. And I've come to realize what it is. It was the third statement to myself the night I awoke with the realization of who and what I wass.

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First was "I AM TRANSGENDERED!". That loud.

Second after a quick life review -"It all fits"

And third?-"I can accept this"

For me that is where the difference really lies. I can accept this. I always felt-knew!-something was wrong with me. It colored every activity and every interaction in my life. Now I don't believe anything IS wrong with me! ( Not in the core where it really matters-of course I have a ton of faults like everyone else).

I was born transgendered and it is who I am-I hate the term birth defect for it really-rather it is an anomaly. Just something different.

And I have the right to be who I am and express that any way I chose as long as it doesn't do harm to others! And that applies wherever I am in this process. If I decide I have to transition or want to stay just as I am -the important thing is that I can accept the realities and be okay. I hated the ravages of illness and age on my body too but in accepting that I was transgendered I realized I had to accept that too. I couldn't go forward until I embraced myself as I am right now on my journey. It doesn't mean that I don't want to make changes or that it's not my option and responsibility to make it better just that I accept it.

I realize society has a problem with what I am but while I have to be aware of that and chose to work within that framework it isn't MY problem or MY belief. Society has historically been wrong -barbarously wrong about so many things from time to time and place to place. They're wrong about us. Period.

And I intend to remind myself every day-every time I see or hear or feel a negative about being transgendered -that it is okay and I accept being transgendered and who that makes me.

Sorry for the rant but I believe that the denial, the rejection, the subtle and blatant messages society sends us all the time bombard us with the message that we are not okay-something is WRONG with us and from that comes the real pain and despair that is so pervasive in our community. I believe we have to bombard ourselves just as much with the message that we reject those messages. We are as God made us and we have the RIGHT to be who we are.

I love you all and value beyond words the acceptance I have found here-it helps reinforce that positive inner voice.

I know I still have problems and worries and "issues" but I now know that I can handle them all as long as I can accept me.

You can't love what you can't accept. Last little snippet-I had always thought when I heard "Love thy neighbor as thyself" that if I did my neighbor would be in serious trouble!

Hang in there and may your day be bright!

JJ

[Guest Jennifer T]

Good question. Why so much? 63? I'm 45 and it seems like my life is full of things I constructed to cover up "me"; to hide, to deny who has been lurking inside me all my life. And now, with this realization admitted to, there are so many facades that I don't know what to do with. What do you do with them? I don't know. My wife's words to the gender team when asked if my revelation to her was new, "No, not really, I guess he's been trying to tell me this all our life" took me back. What if my 'facades' were never as strong as I thought? Maybe I did a poor job of hiding the true me all these years and for those willing to look, the obvious was already there.

Too much to think about, huh?

[JenniferB]

JJ,

I understand everything you said and said basically the same thing in my intro post. Except you say it more eloquently. The part that bugs me the most is that the #2 commandment is the golden rule. How can anyone proclaim to be a christian and not follow this. Instead they come off as hypocrites and very judgmental. Why can't they just let us follow our own path in peace?

Love Susan

[Guest Elizabeth K]

JJ

You are at it again! Such a hot dog! Discover you are a guy, always have been, always will be - and combine that with tiny little trait I also have - OPINIONS - and wow - there you go!

YES YES YES

Nailed it again!

We are as God made us and we have the RIGHT to be who we are.

Can I hear an AMEN from the congregation?

AMEN

I use that very arguement with the so called Christian people who question my transsexuality. I mean - "God made me this way for a reason - take it up with HIM!"

Seriously JJ - your true nature and you still gentle ways are a wonder! Don't ever change!

Elizabeth

[JJ]

JJ

You are at it again! Such a hot dog! Discover you are a guy, always have been, always will be - and combine that with tiny little trait I also have - OPINIONS - and wow - there you go!

YES YES YES

Nailed it again!

We are as God made us and we have the RIGHT to be who we are.

Can I hear an AMEN from the congregation?

AMEN

I use that very arguement with the so called Christian people who question my transsexuality. I mean - "God made me this way for a reason - take it up with HIM!"

Seriously JJ - your true nature and you still gentle ways are a wonder! Don't ever change!

Elizabeth

Ah, Elizabeth . You did it again!

Made me blush. ( Shoves hands in pockets, hangs head and scuffs around in the dirt with a toe, grinning and blushing)

Your posts make me cry-and laugh-sometimes all in one post. I read every one eagerly

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What we have are CONVICTIONS. Convictions are good. Did you ever hear someone called "convictionated"?

JJ

[Guest Mia99]

Wow what a great post! I love all the positive vibes I get from people here! Oh! And an AMEN from me too!

Mia