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Discoveries About My Self And Transition


Guest Emily Ray

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Guest Emily Ray

Hi everyone,

When I first came here, to Laura's, Angie and Becky's courage just put me in awe. I said "Maybe in a year I would do that." Brandon was not a courageous person and had many doubts about his value, his willingness to suffer in order to achieve greatness. He had many faults. I now know that Emily is not Brandon and the resemblance diminishes daily as the difference becomes more obvious to me and others. There are no cowards in transition. Until the person inside becomes willing to do what ever is necessary to show and be themselves with the world transition will not take place period.

I Emily am a courageous teenager and if I was in High School today I would be running for class president. And I would win! No Emily is not Brandon who took speech class in summer with three other people, because of a fear of public speaking. Four hardly counts for a group much less an audience. No my natal years and gender years don't match yet. I have so much to experience first. But, rather then fearing those experiences, I seek them out.

A long journey begins with one step.

Huggs,

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Guest BeckyTG

Hey, Dear Girlfriend,

I celebrate your first steps and you have already taken them. You have, in fact, taken many that perhaps you're not giving yourself credit for. Accepting yourself, seeking help and coming out to your family puts you way further along on this journey than many other members here.

Some day, there may be others who were inspired by you. This is a chain effort as we are each just a link in a long string.

Think back on that speech class and imagine if you could have added a person or two each time you had to make a speech. Soon, you'd be up to 20 or more, then 30 and each time you spoke, you would gain confidence in yourself and your speaking ability.

Transitioning is no different. Try getting out dressed a little more like your true self each time you go out. Over time, you'll forget how you are dressed. Over time, you'll gain more and more confidence. Over time, you'll be less and less (him) and more and more you.

I love you, sweet girlfriend and you inspire me with your courage.

Big hug,

Becky

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Guest ricka

Emily----it is obvious that you have tapped into that deeply-felt joy that we experience when we embrace our womanhood. Yes it takes courage to be who we are but the reward of the joy we feel in becoming the gender we were born to be compels us to face and overcome all obstacles. Yet, I wonder if we could succeed without the love and support from our family here at Laura's and their positive energy and inspiration.

Hugs, Ricka

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Hi everyone,

When I first came here, to Laura's, Angie and Becky's courage just put me in awe. I said "Maybe in a year I would do that." Brandon was not a courageous person and had many doubts about his value, his willingness to suffer in order to achieve greatness. He had many faults. I now know that Emily is not Brandon and the resemblance diminishes daily as the difference becomes more obvious to me and others. There are no cowards in transition. Until the person inside becomes willing to do what ever is necessary to show and be themselves with the world transition will not take place period.

I Emily am a courageous teenager and if I was in High School today I would be running for class president. And I would win! No Emily is not Brandon who took speech class in summer with three other people, because of a fear of public speaking. Four hardly counts for a group much less an audience. No my natal years and gender years don't match yet. I have so much to experience first. But, rather then fearing those experiences, I seek them out.

A long journey begins with one step.

Huggs,

Obviously when you became Emily you overcame your fears. However I wonder how much credit you have to give gender dysphoria for overcoming your fears, even the ability to run for class president. I just know that the gender dysphoria I'm feeling is driving me to overcome my fears. It's like not really having a choice. I know I'm doing everything in my power to transition and probably won't even be able to leave the doctor's office before I take my first hormone pill. How much have you changed because of the process of being driven to become Emily as compared to actually becoming Emily?

In any case you are an inspiration to me and am sure to many others on your success on becoming who you were meant to be.

Love Susan

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Guest Emily Ray

I have read some writtings of a MtF that fully transitioned years ago and she talk not so much about transition, but transcending our condition. I am not trying to be who I would have been if I was only born a girl. I would be cheating myself and the world of what Brandon experienced. I want to transcend my condition ans be a better woman/person bcause of my experience and learning as Brandon before acceptance. I am not sure it is possible to delineate what would be Emily and what is post-Brandon Emily. Just Emily is a theoretical construction and Brandon was a character Emily created both unreal. Post-Brandon Emily is real and I am her.

Ricka, I think you are right for the first time I have experienced real joy. I want more.

Huggs,

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  • Forum Moderator

Yea Emily!!

It is wondrous and amazing that you have found your joy and courage so early. You have a fantastic journey ahead.

I believe that for me, having experienced life from both perspectives has made me grow and become something better than I could have been it I had been either alone.

JJ

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  • Admin

What a wonderful, joyful and inspiring post, Emily.

Yes, there are no cowards in transition. But it involves so much more than just being brave or having strength. It includes a willingness and a desire

to change, to morph into someone different, to see another side of yourself and let others see it too. That is the joy of transition for me, and I

think you've found it too.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

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Guest ricka

Emily, your last post really struck a chord with me which resonates very deeply. The joy I feel is in being the transwoman that I was born to be----not a ciswoman. I believe that God created me as a transwoman and that He made no mistake. For me the internal conflicts and struggle I felt was not so much about not being born female but about being born a male if that makes any sense. It's not about pretending to be a cisfemale, it's about being the real me as a transwoman. The story of the ugly duckling is our story. Cismales and cisfemales are ducks but we were made to be swans!

Hugs, Ricka

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