Star :warning May Upset:

[aura willow hazel]

apologies this one is dark it is based on a lotta very bad memories, please if easily upset don't read.

Sat all alone, tracing the scars,

if there was any light left, I would wish on a star.

That I could dissapear, or just fade away,

where he could not touch me, or cause me this pain.

That the monster would stop, and just leave me alone,

or someone would find out, and his secret be known.

Every day at school,I feel their eyes on me,

wish they would stop staring, or that I could be gone.

I feel filthy, dirty, like I'm somehow unclean ,

outside I'm silent, but inside I scream.

However I try, I cannot forget,

I cannot fight harder, yet that I regret.

if I could I would literally tear out his heart, for the nightmares he left me I'd tear him apart.

I always ask myself how can this be, if he is my father how can he hurt me.

I shed all my tears so I can't even cry,

if I had my wish dad, then I would just DIE.

[Guest Lee-Asher Geo-James]

Oh hunny!!

I am so sorry

*hugs*

[aura willow hazel]

tis okie that was a long longg time ago, and they'll never lay a finger on me again.

[Guest Lee-Asher Geo-James]

tis okie that was a long longg time ago, and they'll never lay a finger on me again.

It's still sad though! I don't get why anyone could be that cruel and horrid

*hugs*

[Guest mystiktiger]

i understand completely. for 20 years i was a victim of my dad's emotional, physical, and sexual abuse. he is now in prison (not for what he did to me, but what he got caught doing to my step-sister) unfortunatly for me the nightmares and panic attacks have yet to stop.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

I never realized this type of abuse was so common until I came on Lauras. I am not sure if it is related to our condition of gender dysphoria or if we just talk about it more freely here in our community. In any case it is particularly apparent in the histories of both FTM and MTF. And so much is sexual abuse!

My father, on a scale of 1 to 10 was at about a 3.5 - I guess on the abuse scale - mainly ununderstood beatings, which really warped me. I certainly went deep underground and was careful to present to him EXACTLY as he wanted. I feel it even today after he is long dead, but these poems, these stories make me want to change my experience rating from 3.5 to .000005, compared to what I read about others.

Bless your heart Aura! I feel priviledged to read what you wrote - how you got it out finally! I hope your posting helped you somehow. It's a bitter pill when those who are supposed to love us treat us like a dumb animal, their personal property - worse - in many ways!

Lizzy

[Guest TaraD]

I never realized this type of abuse was so common until I came on Lauras. I am not sure if it is related to our condition of gender dysphoria or if we just talk about it more freely here in our community. In any case it is particularly apparent in the histories of both FTM and MTF. And so much is sexual abuse!

My father, on a scale of 1 to 10 was at about a 3.5 - I guess on the abuse scale - mainly ununderstood beatings, which really warped me. I certainly went deep underground and was careful to present to him EXACTLY as he wanted. I feel it even today after he is long dead, but these poems, these stories make me want to change my experience rating from 3.5 to .000005, compared to what I read about others.

Bless your heart Aura! I feel priviledged to read what you wrote - how you got it out finally! I hope your posting helped you somehow. It's a bitter pill when those who are supposed to love us treat us like a dumb animal, their personal property - worse - in many ways!

Lizzy

I feel the way do Lizzy. My step-dad was a 7 and I still cant get over it.

thanks to both of you,

Tara

[Guest Elizabeth K]

I feel the way do Lizzy. My step-dad was a 7 and I still cant get over it.

thanks to both of you,

Tara

You are welcome! It's a strange world. I still hurt over what my father probably never felt was much at all.

lizzy

[Guest therisa]

While my abuser was my kid brother, who used to physical and psychological torture me. Why I wish I knew. And yes, I do have many flashbacks of the things, he did to me. Am sorry Aura, you had to experience this violent side of family life. As previously mentioned, hoping sharing your poem, has offered you a chance to heal, this grievous wound of your's.

Wishing you, healing thoughts,

therisa

[Guest miss kindheart]

Dear Aura,

<<< hug >>>

I am sorry that this happened to you

You surly know it wasn't your fault, and there is no reason for you wish ill upon yourself

There are bad people in this world, it is unfortunate that a father could do such a thing to their own child

What happened in the past is history, you are safe now from him, i know you will never forget, but you don't need to keep reliving it

Try and find a way to put close this chapter of your life, and put it on the top shelf where you can forget about it

You will remember it is their, but you don't need to keep reading it over and over

Try and accept that it is a part of your soul now, it is one of the many things that make you who you are now

You are a good person with a beautiful soul and wonderful spirit

Hopefully one day you will find a way to let this all go away from you

vanna