Coming Out As Gender Queer

[Guest praisedbeherhooves]

So, how exactly do I do this? I already told a handful of people who I know will be supportive, such as some of my gay friends. I'm concerned that some people will not take me seriously, or that they'll be all "If you are not a guy, why don't you stay a girl?" or something like that. >.< My mind is mostly male, I want an androgynous body and I am mostly gender indifferent when it comes to my actions. I am still badly dysphoric about the feminine curves I was cursed with. I need to transition, albeit only partially. Ugh! I'm considering putting "Might be gender queer" as my facebook status. Should I do it slowly? Like, drop hints? I'm terrible at dropping hints! It was easier to come out as mael, because I had three friends and then my family. Now I have many friends, and I still have family. This is confusing.

[Guest Wendae]

I personally think you ought to drop the term "gender queer" and settle for transgender if you are coming out to folks.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Wikipedia:

Genderqueer (GQ) and intergender are catch-all terms for gender identities other than man and woman. People who identify as genderqueer may think of themselves as being both man and woman, as being neither man nor woman, or as falling completely outside the gender binary. They may express a combination of masculinity and femininity, one or the other, or neither. Androgyne is also used commonly to describe this same category. Since there is still relatively little agreed upon terminology, the distinction between the two categories are difficult to pull apart. Genderqueers may have any sexuality/sexual identity, any physical sex, and may or may not identify as trans.

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Well - that is a definition. I usually think of this as Androgynous, but that's just me. The part "queer' will possibly give everyone the wrong idea, and it will be assumed this condition is really a sexual orientation.

Tell the truth - you are acting and dressing the part already.

Just my opinion.

Lizzy

[Guest praisedbeherhooves]

I personally think you ought to drop the term "gender queer" and settle for transgender if you are coming out to folks.

I already came out as FTM two years ago. Maybe I should wait until even I know what I am, since I think of myself as mostly male, want an androgynous body and present myself mostly androgynously. I sometimes call myself gender indifferent as my behavior is indifferent to the gender it is labeled.

[JJ]

I already came out as FTM two years ago. Maybe I should wait until even I know what I am, since I think of myself as mostly male, want an androgynous body and present myself mostly androgynously. I sometimes call myself gender indifferent as my behavior is indifferent to the gender it is labeled.

Labels are so hard. They mean something different within the community than to the general public and vary so much from person to person there.

I'm not indifferent really-more like integrated but still retaining definite identification.

I often initially respond to something I read or experience initially as male but then feel the female adding nuances and other perspectives. It actually helps me.

Whether that female was part of me at birth or the result of so many decades of conditioning and estrogen I don't know. I don't think it matters for me now. And now that I know I can feel the change and shift though it is very hard to describe accurately.

Maybe it would help to approach your friends that gender isn't binary-and occasionally fluid.

Having an accurate label would be nice-so much easier than trying to explain. But I suspect it will never be that easy.

Wouldn't it be great if you could walk up to someone and say "I'm an Ab6" and have them know how your gender identity was configured?

JJ

[Guest Liam]

Hmm. This can be a tough one. You sound like you know who you are and what you want, so don't wait on coming out as genderqueer if it's important to you just because others might not understand. I identify as male and as genderqueer, and while I'm out as trans (FTM) to everyone, I'm out as genderqueer to a lot fewer people. While I sort of need to be out as FTM in order to get people to use the right pronouns and stuff, there isn't that same urgency with my genderqueer identity, and there also doesn't seem to be a good way to bring it up with people, for kind of the same reason. I bring it up sometimes when I'm talking with people about gender, though sometimes I'm worried about the same reactions that you're worried about. Actually, it's my LGB friends who I get those kinds of reactions from most often. Most people, though, really don't care. They might be curious, but they generally won't try to get in a debate with you about it or anything. If they don't know what genderqueer means (and most straight cis people don't), it gives you the opportunity to explain it in a way that doesn't contradict your identity as male, which might allow you to avoid negative or confused reactions. As far as facebook goes, I use the SGO application and list my gender as male and genderqueer, which works for me. The status thing might work, too; depends on what you're comfortable with.