"out" To My Significant Other....

[Guest Andrea Elise]

This is a success story, to a large degree.

I came to the conclusion that because of my nature, I was better off living alone and broke off a long term relationship with a woman I love. That was hard and very painful.

She would not give up. Finally....., one night, I asked her if she belived that souls have gender. She said she had never thought about that.

I told her that I had been living with a secret that I had kept well hidden for all of my life. I told her that it had been the cause of deep depression and other problems, that I had tried my best to be rid of it but it would not go.

I told her that if she wanted to be with me that she needed to know, because I would no longer live a lie. I told her that it was not fair to her to stumble upon my things by accident. If she could not accept who I really was, then our relationship had to end.

She thought that there must be a cure for it. I explained that, yes, there was a cure, but that it was very expensive, that it was permanent in nature and that at the end of it, she would be in a relationship with a woman.

I told her that it all depends on therapy and where we want to take this. It depends on me and where my comfort zone is and what we can live with.

Then came the questions.... Was I a lesbian? Was I gay? How did all this work? What were we to do?

Then, the real revelation, for her, that it was not all about sex in the context of a relationship, that it was about love.

She told me that she had some characteristics that were male and that was when the light came on and she said "I should have realized. Now I know why you don't like sports! And why you know exactly what pleases me! Only another woman would know exactly what a woman likes!"

She said "I don't care! If you want to be the woman of the house, I will be the man! I love you with all my heart! All I have ever wanted was to be with you and I will do anything for that!"

We are still sorting through all of this. She has seen me dressed and her only remark was that I have beautiful legs (I was so pleased!).

She has bought me womens clothes, offered to share makeup, wants us to go shopping together and is, for the most part, accepting.

The bumps...

I sleep dressed. The one concession I have made is to not do that when we are together. Small price? It is a lot for her to accept and, realizing that, I can live with it. And...sometimes, I am just lazy and don't want any clothes on at all. I really think that all that is bugging her is the cheap breast forms I have.

I am not comfortable being dressed before anyone. I feel awkward. We have decided that, for now, it stays at home. Mostly because of my fear factor. That may change but, for now, for me, it is such a huge step!

She remarked that she is annoyed that my bust is larger than hers. I told her that she was just perfect the way she was.

Unconditional love is so hard to find. Maybe ours has some minor conditions, but we are working on that.

I have to ask myself just how much of what we show to the world is just so so much brainwashed garbage. Who are we as a specie, really, and what is true freedom?

But I still experience deep depression and many of the problems still chase me...BUT,I am not alone anymore and that does make a vast difference.

I feel very blessed.

[JenniferB]

I am glad that your wife is accepting you the way you are, plus the fact she is willing to go shopping with you. I would take her up on that. It will help you overcome your fears.

It's nice to see a soul mate so accepting. That seems to be the exception to the rule with transsexuals. I hope it continues to work out for you.

Love Susan

[Guest erikka2046]

Hi Andrea,

Its amazing your SO accepts you and can have a loving relationship. When I came out to my SO a few months ago, she had the simliar questions...is she a lesbian, how it works..... Eventually she understands, accepts me and we'll be together no matter what. She said sit doesn't matter anymore to her who am I, she just want to stay with the person she love.

I discussed with my therapist about this, he said we are rare, a SO choose to stay and love us the same way is even more rarer than us. You're a lucky girl!

Huggs

Erikka

[Guest Donna Jean]

Wonderful stuff, Andrea...

Gee...all of this relationship stuff can be so awkward and hard...

When I first came out to my wife, she seemed very accepting...(2008)..

But as 16 months on HRT go by, it's lessened considerably...

Now I get.."I'm NOT a Lesbian!"....

And..."This isn't what I signed up for...!"

I've even been asked on a couple occasions to look for another place to live...

It's fleeting...

Donna Jean

[Carolyn Marie]

Oh, Andrea, your story made me very happy. I get that way every time I read of someone whose S.O. is understanding and accepting, just like yours is. It really touched me.

I wish you both a long life together, and all the happiness in the world. It won't be easy, hon. There will be bumps along the road, but with love and understanding and consideration for your partner's feelings, you can make it work. So far, 9 months into this, mine is working out as well, and I have hope for the future too. Like Susan said, relationships that endure are rare, but it can work if you both try.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Andrea Elise]

I am glad that your wife is accepting you the way you are, plus the fact she is willing to go shopping with you. I would take her up on that. It will help you overcome your fears.

It's nice to see a soul mate so accepting. That seems to be the exception to the rule with transsexuals. I hope it continues to work out for you.

Love Susan

Dear Susan,

Thank you so much for your comment!

She is not my wife, at least not yet. If I were to ask her, there would be no hesitation, on her part, to accept. She has made this very plain on many occasions.

She and I have been together, off and on, for over thirteen years. She has always stood behind me and along side of me through some of the most difficult of situations.

What has stopped a deeper commitment is the fact that I have been married and divorced five times. That has been difficult for me to deal with. It has caused me to seriously question myself and my choices.

I think that it is because of two things; because of my "condition" I am very romantic. And, I fall in love far too easily!

I am a dreamer and I seem to live in an imaginary land where faery tales are reality. I have a habit of making snap judgements about people and I never look any deeper than the surface of what I see. I am far to trusting and it seems that I persist in that until it is far too late to extricate myself from bad relationships.

But most of all it is a female mindset wanting to believe that everything is simple and beautiful.

Thank you!

Love,

Andrea

[Guest Andrea Elise]

Wonderful stuff, Andrea...

Gee...all of this relationship stuff can be so awkward and hard...

When I first came out to my wife, she seemed very accepting...(2008)..

But as 16 months on HRT go by, it's lessened considerably...

Now I get.."I'm NOT a Lesbian!"....

And..."This isn't what I signed up for...!"

I've even been asked on a couple occasions to look for another place to live...

It's fleeting...

Donna Jean

Donna my heart goes out to you! I hope your situation will change for you in a positive way! But I do know of the heart ache. I had decided that it was unfair to my partner to not be completely honest about why we were apart and why I broke her heart.

I went into the discussion fully prepared to accept a life lived alone. I see that in you as well, that you must follow your path where it will lead, no matter.

I try to get the view point from the other way as well. I have been unsuccessful in that. Apparently, for many people, love has degrees AND conditions.

All of the labels confuse me. Lesbian, gay, andro, bi and so on. All I have come to realize is that love is what is important. The labeling is what society has imposed on it self. If you have a "label", you should feel guilty. If you were not defective, we would not need a label to describe you. Yes, this is sarcasm on my part. It's very odd that it seems to be those of us who suffer with dysphoria that are so open and accepting and that being "normal" seems to require closed minded bigotry.

OK, I'm done with that for the moment. This has become the seed of another thread that I will start.

Thanks for sharing!

With love!

Andrea

[Guest Andrea Elise]

Oh, Andrea, your story made me very happy. I get that way every time I read of someone whose S.O. is understanding and accepting, just like yours is. It really touched me.

I wish you both a long life together, and all the happiness in the world. It won't be easy, hon. There will be bumps along the road, but with love and understanding and consideration for your partner's feelings, you can make it work. So far, 9 months into this, mine is working out as well, and I have hope for the future too. Like Susan said, relationships that endure are rare, but it can work if you both try.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

Hello Carolyn!

I have read many of your posts and look forward to more!

Oh yes, bumps! While we deal with accepting ourselves, real life delivers constant challenges. But then, life, in all facets, is all encompasing. What we trans folks deal with requires what seems a lot more effort in the coping area.

I am happy that what I related gave you happiness! I know that it may sound cheesy, but happiness is what we are all trying for and, for me, it has been elusive and fleeting.

She and I seem to think alike. We know where all of our "smile" buttons are and we are not afraid to push them. My partners feelings are much more important to me than mine are. And what seems to be making this work so well is that she feels the same!

It is so nice to hear that your "partnership" is going well for you! And I can only wish happiness and a long life for you as well!

Love and hugs!

Andrea

[Guest Andrea Elise]

AN UPDATE:

Things here keep getting better. My SO is here for the next few days. Spent the entire day dressed as I like.

Some of what she said to me was that I was so much taller than her in my new "Mary Janes", she liked my lip color and she remarked that I was so much more relaxed than she had ever seen me. We have been together for thirteen years.

She reminded me before she went to bed that my night gown and robe were hanging on the back of the bedroom door.

My fear of her rejecting me as female is gone.

Now if I only had a job that I liked! Think I will start working on that, maybe I am on a good clean run of fortune.

I feel so good! It is so nice not to be alone. It is so nice to experience a bit of freedom. I was feeling trapped, but, I don't feel that anymore.

I have always felt that we make our own "luck". I am not so sure about that these days.

Hugs to all!

Andrea

[Guest Donna Jean]

Awesome news, Honey.....

I wish you and her continued success with this endevor...

We all know the odds and they're not stacked in our favor....

I think that you need to hold on tightly to her!

Best of luck & Love

Donna Jean

[Guest Zolrek]

That's great. Its always nice to hear another success story. My boyfriend stayed with me for my transition(and when I came out to him, as I had been dating him before hand)...its been a year now and we are still together. He's not all too helpful with my transgendered issues, but I have no problem telling him about some of them and he'll listen. I was bragging to him about all the thing's I'm going to do once I get my top operation and he was very happy for me.

[Carolyn Marie]

That's just great, Andrea. I hope things stay this well for you always. Give your S.O. a big hug for me. She deserves one.

Love

Carolyn Marie