How To Explain?

[Guest ~Lily~]

So I was talking with my friend earlier today and he said something:

Me - So yah, talked to my mom and dad about being transgender, so now that that's off my chest, I need to get a job so I can pay to see a gender therapist, then start the hormones.

Him - You need to focus on life before that nuts bro. Ultimately, you go for it, but your whole life seems to revolve around your sexual orientation. I understand that and am fine with what you feel you're happy with, but it seems that that's your only focus. It's all you do, or think about.

How do I explain how serious this is to me? He doesn't seem to understand. My life has been spent in pain over this, I'd say it's pretty Gosh darned important! >_<

PS. And being transgender isn't a sexual orientation, buster! >.> Grr...

[Carolyn Marie]

PS. And being transgender isn't a sexual orientation, buster! >.> Grr...

LOL! Got that right.

Well, hon, if you want him to understand, you'll have to sit him down and tell him what your life has been like. Ask him how he would feel waking up one

day in a woman's body, knowing he's a dude, and not being able to convince anyone of that. What if he had to live for years as a woman, and pretend he

was in order to get by. How would like that? Wouldn't he think all day long of ways to become male again? Wouldn't that be the only thing on his mind?

Oh, and tell him how many of us commit suicide every year, hon. Maybe that will explain how serious this is.

Its one approach. I'm sure you can think of others.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest ~Lily~]

LOL! Got that right.

Well, hon, if you want him to understand, you'll have to sit him down and tell him what your life has been like. Ask him how he would feel waking up one

day in a woman's body, knowing he's a dude, and not being able to convince anyone of that. What if he had to live for years as a woman, and pretend he

was in order to get by. How would like that? Wouldn't he think all day long of ways to become male again? Wouldn't that be the only thing on his mind?

Oh, and tell him how many of us commit suicide every year, hon. Maybe that will explain how serious this is.

Its one approach. I'm sure you can think of others.

Carolyn Marie

Thank you Carolyn! ^^ I talked to him on MSN and he understands better now, but he didn't actually say anything regarding how he feels, just

"yeah I get what you're saying"

PS. Grr, he pisses me off

[Guest Emily Ray]

Vyxie,

I don't know that it can be explained. I think we just need to give up on expecting some friends ever understanding how important this is. Others will have empathy, but not true understanding. It is frustrating to not feel understood by our friends. They can still love us and be supportive in other ways.

Huggs,

[Flint]

Me - So yah, talked to my mom and dad about being transgender, so now that that's off my chest, I need to get a job so I can pay to see a gender therapist, then start the hormones.

Him - You need to focus on life before that nuts bro. Ultimately, you go for it, but your whole life seems to revolve around your sexual orientation. I understand that and am fine with what you feel you're happy with, but it seems that that's your only focus. It's all you do, or think about.

Lets point a few things out here:

Him: "You need to focus on life"

You: "I need to get a job"

Forget about explaining gender here for a minute and look at that logic. "Focus on life" "I need to get a job" I dunno where your friend is from, what kind of life he's been brought up to have but getting a job is actually part of life. Whether we like it or not. There. You're actually already focusing on life.

What is his goal? You know near future goal?

Your near future goal is therapy, you're focusing on making that happen. That is part of your life. Therefore you are focusing on your life.

Okay so gender right now is your ultimate focus in life. But don't we all have an ultimate focus at a particular point? It may be a focus that gets someone nowhere but someone who spends their life partying has an ultimate focus for that time and that is partying. That is their focus in life.

I'm gonna ignore the sexual orientation bit for now partly cause I've heard it said so many times I've got tired of it.

Matt

P.S Good luck with job and therapy.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Late answer - I was moving stuff this weekend and not on Laura's much - yuck!

GREAT replies!

And it kills me that people FALSELY claim transexuality is (1) a choice (2) a sexual orientation (3) a lifestyle!

POX POX POX on that kind of thinking!

But that said - I know being trans is 100% on our mind every second! But yes, in spite of that we do concentrate on life. Getting a job is a part of life, yes, BUT not number one on the listing - I would slide it down way below the top 25 concerns.

What is number one? To accept ourselves and be happy!

My opinion of course.

Lizzy

[Guest Donna Jean]

And it kills me that people FALSELY claim transexuality is (1) a choice (2) a sexual orientation (3) a lifestyle!

Lizzy

Totally wrongthink!!!

It's this kind of thinking that puts us places that we need not be...

That is where educating your friend comes into play!

The answer is neither 1-2-3.....(above)....

Good luck on finding a job!

Huggs

Donna Jean

[Guest ~Lily~]

I dunno where your friend is from, what kind of life he's been brought up to have but getting a job is actually part of life. Whether we like it or not. There. You're actually already focusing on life.

What is his goal? You know near future goal?

Your near future goal is therapy, you're focusing on making that happen. That is part of your life. Therefore you are focusing on your life.

Thank you all for your wonderful replies, I love you all! ^.^

As for my friend, he actually lives right across the street from me, and we were childhood friends. We've known each other all our lives, heh.

He's very different from me though. He got into the wrong crowd and such and right now he's in the glowsticking crowd, and loves doing that.

So his goal, he told me last night, is to basically glowstick and hang out with that community and do that for work. Which I think is nuts, and he's wasting his life, but ok. o.O

[Guest KatieT]

I'll go ahead and play devil's advocate here and say that I think someone that, in their own way, is trying to help you and support you, is already good enough. Personally, I don't even understand my feelings myself, and I know a few members on this board are the same, so having the expectation that someone knows as much or more about us isn't all that realistic.

And well, his CONCERN for you isn't wrong, it's just that he might misunderstand something. If say, your grades are still great, you still have friends and other plans, his concern is unfounded. But I think that's all you've got there, concern from a friend. Usually, that kind of concern comes from the fact that their life, and their goals, are so different from yours, and I suspect that to be true here to.... ie, his goals are probably to find some 'bros' to hang with, some girls to er, play with, and those goals are significantly different than yours. My best friends the same way, his only concern is finding and having a girlfriend, so usually when that conversation comes around it goes something like: 'Hey, got a girlfriend yet?' 'No...' 'Why? You should have one by now.' 'Well....' That's just how it is.

So long as he stays the way he currently is, I wouldn't worry too much about explaining it. Because as it stands, something like this is so big, that, if we're lucky, the only ones who really understand how much this means, and how much this helps our well being and existence, is ourselves.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Because as it stands, something like this is so big, that, if we're lucky, the only ones who really understand how much this means, and how much this helps our well being and existence, is ourselves.

Put that statement in a place of honor!

Exactly like that!!!

Lizzy

[Guest ~Lily~]

Katie, you're right on, that's how he is.

And Lizzy, Katie is right about that. :3 As long as we understand ourselves, that's all that matters right? ^^