True Selves

[Guest My_Genesis]

Has anyone read this book? My dad took it out of the library and it's written for family, friends, professionals, etc. of trans people, but I myself found it interesting to read. It's laid out really clearly and it's easy for the layperson to understand but it's pretty straightforward and makes some good points.

Now, there were parts of the book that really hit home for me. They talk about all the stuff trans people go through, the emotional stuggles. They break it down into outlines - shame, anger, fear, and guilt - and list all our fears, who or what makes us angry, what we might be ashamed of and why we may feel guilty. I just couldn't believe how the book took words out of my mouth. Even more than that, it took thoughts out of my head. It took all the frustrations, all the hurt, all the anger I've felt in life because of the way I am - and laid it out right before my eyes. It talks about how we go through an invisible struggle that no one can see it but us. It was difficult for me to get through because it caused a lot of hurt and anger that I've buried over the years to surface. I want to finish reading though. It's really well-written.

I wish I could tell my parents that this book made me cry and that's proof that I'm really trans, but I don't like to share it with people when I cry. So because I can't swallow my manly pride I am not gonna say anything to them, except maybe that it made me really angry.

[Guest Lee-Asher Geo-James]

A friend of mine suggested this book to me and I haven't gotten around to reading it yet. I have yet to get a library card so I hope that they have it there

[Guest ~Brenda~]

They break it down into outlines - shame, anger, fear, and guilt - and list all our fears, who or what makes us angry, what we might be ashamed of and why we may feel guilty. I just couldn't believe how the book took words out of my mouth. Even more than that, it took thoughts out of my head. It took all the frustrations, all the hurt, all the anger I've felt in life because of the way I am

MyGen,

I have not read this book, but it sounds like a really good book to read. Crying when you come out does not make you any less of a man. Coming out can be a very intense and emotional experience (I know, I have been there). It is inevitable when the day comes when you MUST come out to your parents. It is in your best interests to let them know how you feel and how you see yourself as soon as possible.

Please do not let your sterotypical view of emotional expression hold you back on coming out to your parents. When I came out to my parents, I was dressed completely as male, and spoke in a a male voice. The incongruity, initially threw them off.

My sincerity, convinced them.

Love

Brenda

[Guest My_Genesis]

MyGen,

I have not read this book, but it sounds like a really good book to read. Crying when you come out does not make you any less of a man. Coming out can be a very intense and emotional experience (I know, I have been there). It is inevitable when the day comes when you MUST come out to your parents. It is in your best interests to let them know how you feel and how you see yourself as soon as possible.

Please do not let your sterotypical view of emotional expression hold you back on coming out to your parents. When I came out to my parents, I was dressed completely as male, and spoke in a a male voice. The incongruity, initially threw them off.

My sincerity, convinced them.

Love

Brenda

I'm out to may parents, Brenda. They just don't really understand. They ask why I can't just become comfortable in my own skin and be a "masculine woman" because there are loads of those out there and they do just fine. My dad thinks I have this stereotype of what a woman should be and because I don't fit my own stereotype I think I am a man. My mom thinks taking hormones is really "drastic" and she even said at one point that the whole process is body mutilation, that it's "freaky" (I believe that's the word she used) because it's irreversible and what happens if this isn't the answer?

They just don't seem to trust me that I know who I am and I feel like they need some convincing (despite the fact they are telling me I don't have to convince anyone of anything.)

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Oh my! Best book on transsexuality I ever read! I agreed with 90% of it. Some didn't apply to me - that 'partially transitioning option," for example

I thought everyone had read this book! Sorry -

Emmmmm.... I would suggest EVERYONE READ THIS BOOK.

Now- that's done

Grin

lizzy

[Guest My_Genesis]

Thanks for the recommendation. It sounds like it could be very helpful - I hope it will help me talk to my wife and family.

I'm off shopping now...

Love, Kat

You're welcome My dad is trying to get my mom to read it but she is being stubborn. lol. But she really does need to read it because it seems to be helping my dad to understand stuff better than he had been; at first my mom got it better than he did, now it's the other way around.

I might have my therapist (not my gender therapist, she's a social worker) check it out too.

[Guest ~Brenda~]

I'm out to may parents, Brenda. They just don't really understand. They ask why I can't just become comfortable in my own skin and be a "masculine woman" because there are loads of those out there and they do just fine. My dad thinks I have this stereotype of what a woman should be and because I don't fit my own stereotype I think I am a man. My mom thinks taking hormones is really "drastic" and she even said at one point that the whole process is body mutilation, that it's "freaky" (I believe that's the word she used) because it's irreversible and what happens if this isn't the answer?

They just don't seem to trust me that I know who I am and I feel like they need some convincing (despite the fact they are telling me I don't have to convince anyone of anything.)

MyGen,

Your parent's response is typical. Your parent's are challenging you because they need to understand. Your parents, although trying to help are terribly mis-informed. Being a masculine woman is not the same is seeing yourself as male. Heck, I have had the same argument thrown at me saying "bernii you are just a feminine male". How ridiculous is that kind of statement? Masculine woman, Feminine man... how about Male for you, and Female for me? As you have discovered, coming out is actually a very long process and takes much time to get your immediate family to truely comprehend.

All I can say hon is to keep working with your parents. It is important for them to get it.

Love you

Brenda

[Guest Zolrek]

I think I'll buy it. My family is fully accepting, however just because their accepting doesn't mean all of them understand me.

[Guest Polly]

Just to say that coming out to others as trangender , or Autistic is just as challenging .

Sometimes some on the Autistic Spectrum [ ASD ] are upset 'cos NTs [ neurotypicals ] don't understand them [ me ]

My response is that we don't understand their logic , so why should they know us ?

To be honest ?

Most people live in a very restricted world whereby if all around reflect who / how they are , they are safe , but the moment

something otherwise [ in my case formerly other-stupid ] is around , all those certainties fragment ...

and Autism and ' Miss Alignment ' , is very otherwise !

We just have to hang on in there as they can't help it , poor things .

Finding this parallel was great for me as each kinda illuminated the other .

I must look out for this book ...

Respect

Pollydee

[Guest Mia99]

Yes,a great book! And not overpriced like a lot of books on transsexuality. Also good "She's not there A life in two genders" by Jennifer Finny Boylan. I also got "The Lazy Crossdresser" It sounded funny so I bought it, but is has a lot of tips on makeup and sizing clothes and a few other important things.

[Paula ult]

I read True Selves very early in transition, i like that it to move through the stages starting from childhood through adult and at the end talks about surgery.

When i came out to my stepfather i gave him my copy with all the notes i wrote in it, he read it from front to back including the surgery section which is what i will be having next year. He knew i went for a consult and last friday i told him i scheduled a date, i expected him to try to talk me out of it or make a big fuss but he knew this day would eventually come just from reading the book.

Paula

[Guest Donna Jean]

Oh my! Best book on transsexuality I ever read! I agreed with 90% of it. Some didn't apply to me - that 'partially transitioning option," for example

I thought everyone had read this book! Sorry -

Emmmmm.... I would suggest EVERYONE READ THIS BOOK.

Now- that's done

Grin

lizzy

Gee, what are you trying to say, Lizzy?

Are you suggesting we should all read this book?...LOL

LOVE

Dee Jay

[Guest doodle]

i read that book. I cried all the way through my whole life is in that book. i gave it away as soon as i could.

Kelly

[Guest My_Genesis]

i read that book. I cried all the way through my whole life is in that book. i gave it away as soon as i could.

Kelly

Exactly. They put your life into a book. Stuff we've lived through that we think no one else would ever understand - and then someone just sticks it all into a book. Definitely a cue for crying.

I quite enjoy reading it though. Wouldn't wanna give it away.

[Guest SouthernBelle]

Great book! Wonderful book! I CRIED TOO!

HUGGS

Belle