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Phobias And Fears >.<


Guest HashBrown

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Guest Lee-Asher Geo-James

How does one get over them? I have a few bad phobias, where most of them are way out of line. And they make no sense sometimes... They are irrational...

So I was wondering is there a way to get over them without having to talk to a therapist?

Someone told me that I may be able to figure out what has happened to me as a kid because of these, and well I don't want to know if anything did, I just want them GONE!!

The fact that it's hard to sleep at night because I fear someone breaking in and hurting me and leaving without a trace... Someone forgot to lock the door one night... I was so scared when I found out...

I also have another phobia that I don't really care for. I am attracted to all people. But if the person is biologically male I have issues. Not going into anymore detail than that. :/

Any ideas?

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Guest Alex Blitzen

Well I'm no professional, and a therapist would be the best person to talk to about it, or even a Psychology Professor...

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Guest Lee-Asher Geo-James

Well I'm no professional, and a therapist would be the best person to talk to about it, or even a Psychology Professor...

I am afraid that they will try to make me look into my past, further than what I already remember...

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Guest Alex Blitzen

I am afraid that they will try to make me look into my past, further than what I already remember...

Well maybe that's what needs to happen for you to be able to overcome this. I know it's scary and it's probably something you don't want to remember, but you have to remember it to move past it. And it's best to do it with a therapist, they will know how to help you through it and keep you safe.

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Guest Lee-Asher Geo-James

Well maybe that's what needs to happen for you to be able to overcome this. I know it's scary and it's probably something you don't want to remember, but you have to remember it to move past it. And it's best to do it with a therapist, they will know how to help you through it and keep you safe.

I don't feel safe with a therapist... I go see one but... I don't say a lot of things to her...

I am very scared about opening up to someone that will *make* me see my past or anything of the like...

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Guest Alex Blitzen

I don't feel safe with a therapist... I go see one but... I don't say a lot of things to her...

I am very scared about opening up to someone that will *make* me see my past or anything of the like...

It's understandable, and maybe you need to get to know your therapist for a little while before really opening up. You will get more comfortable the longer you talk to them most likely. Until then... try to find things you can do to lessen the fear... make sure the door is locked, do things that make you feel safe... Just a suggestion

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Guest Lee-Asher Geo-James

It's understandable, and maybe you need to get to know your therapist for a little while before really opening up. You will get more comfortable the longer you talk to them most likely. Until then... try to find things you can do to lessen the fear... make sure the door is locked, do things that make you feel safe... Just a suggestion

I have known her since October, even though I have only seen her like 4 times I think... It will take me a long time before I can even open up... I may be moving in like 10 months... Not enough time that 10 months... :(

I always check the door. Even if I am told that someone else locked it. Ever since that one time. :(

I already locked it but I *know* I will check it again... At night every time that I go into the kitchen I check to make sure that the door is locked... When I go in the kitchen... When I come out of the kitchen... :( It's a bit annoying at times...

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Guest Alex Blitzen

I have known her since October, even though I have only seen her like 4 times I think... It will take me a long time before I can even open up... I may be moving in like 10 months... Not enough time that 10 months... :(

I always check the door. Even if I am told that someone else locked it. Ever since that one time. :(

I already locked it but I *know* I will check it again... At night every time that I go into the kitchen I check to make sure that the door is locked... When I go in the kitchen... When I come out of the kitchen... :( It's a bit annoying at times...

I understand how that can be annoying for you. How far away are you moving? I'm assuming it is too far to commute so that you could keep the same therapist. Perhaps after you move you can find a new therapist and start right away building a trusting relationship with them. It would take time, but as always anything worth having takes time. I guess you could just try your best to open up to the one you have now before you go, I mean I know it's not easy, but sometimes you just have to. Perhaps you can try opening up a little at a time. Any therapist usually will work at your pace. If you become uncomfortable tell them you don't want to continue talking about that particular thing. It can't hurt to try to open up.

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Guest Zolrek

For the therapists, why don't you just say that to her/him? That there's some stuff you want to talk to her/him about but you're worried about them forcing you to think about things you don't want too. See what s/he says about that then make your choice weather or not you want to tell them anything.

Also...I have something sort of like you in regards to locking doors. Although, I have sleeping issues so that's likely what fuels the paranoia for the certain thing. I always worry about locking the door, having doors closed and sleeping facing the door, not away. I get sleep paralysis and sleep paralysis can be accompanied by hallucinations. The only hallucinations I've had are of someone coming into my room or being in my place.

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Guest Lee-Asher Geo-James

I understand how that can be annoying for you. How far away are you moving? I'm assuming it is too far to commute so that you could keep the same therapist. Perhaps after you move you can find a new therapist and start right away building a trusting relationship with them. It would take time, but as always anything worth having takes time. I guess you could just try your best to open up to the one you have now before you go, I mean I know it's not easy, but sometimes you just have to. Perhaps you can try opening up a little at a time. Any therapist usually will work at your pace. If you become uncomfortable tell them you don't want to continue talking about that particular thing. It can't hurt to try to open up.

I will be moving 4 hours away, too far to see her. I don't want to open up and then just move... That would hurt me a lot... I opened up to some therapists once... To have them move away on me... Why should I even try... I know I need the therapy... But there's like no point in trying to get close and trusting when I am just going to be moving...

I tried to tell her about my cutting (the recent stuff) but she only knows that I stopped around May 10, when I ODed... She has no clue... I couldn't say... Dang did I ever try!!! :(

It's very very hard for me... :(

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Guest My_Genesis

the best way to treat phobias is exposure therapy, which is done by working with a therapist. I think what Kyle is suggesting is a good idea (about letting the therapist know that there is some stuff you don't wanna talk about and don't wanna be forced to discuss it.) Exposure therapy is basically they gradually expose you to what you are afraid of, and eventually you get desensitized and aren't afraid anymore (it's also called systematic desensitization.) Like, if you are afraid of spiders, they'll first have you look at a picture of spiders and once that doesn't bother you anymore, maybe they'll move on to looking at a movie with spiders, then looking at one from far away... etc. and eventually put one in your hand. As a hypothetical example.

That is how they treat phobias professionally and that is probably the best way to go.

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Guest Lee-Asher Geo-James

For the therapists, why don't you just say that to her/him? That there's some stuff you want to talk to her/him about but you're worried about them forcing you to think about things you don't want too. See what s/he says about that then make your choice weather or not you want to tell them anything.

Also...I have something sort of like you in regards to locking doors. Although, I have sleeping issues so that's likely what fuels the paranoia for the certain thing. I always worry about locking the door, having doors closed and sleeping facing the door, not away. I get sleep paralysis and sleep paralysis can be accompanied by hallucinations. The only hallucinations I've had are of someone coming into my room or being in my place.

I would have to do it in writing or I would just choke up and not be able to say it, because that's just the way I am. :( I can't advocate for myself yet >.<

I don't see her until July 2nd, maybe you could give me some pointers on how to word it?

Do you know why you do that? Or why it's an issue for you? :(

the best way to treat phobias is exposure therapy, which is done by working with a therapist. I think what Kyle is suggesting is a good idea (about letting the therapist know that there is some stuff you don't wanna talk about and don't wanna be forced to discuss it.) Exposure therapy is basically they gradually expose you to what you are afraid of, and eventually you get desensitized and aren't afraid anymore (it's also called systematic desensitization.) Like, if you are afraid of spiders, they'll first have you look at a picture of spiders and once that doesn't bother you anymore, maybe they'll move on to looking at a movie with spiders, then looking at one from far away... etc. and eventually put one in your hand. As a hypothetical example.

That is how they treat phobias professionally and that is probably the best way to go.

That sounds a tad wee bit scary :( Especially with what I am dealing with... How would they even do that without me like getting up and walking out? I would probably be in a bad place if they showed pictures and what not :(

Is that the only way that it can be done?? How else does it work? Can any therapist do it or only certain ones??

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Guest Alex Blitzen

I would have to do it in writing or I would just choke up and not be able to say it, because that's just the way I am.

It's okay to put it in writing, you can write it out, someone can help you write it, you can have your therapist read it.

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Guest Lee-Asher Geo-James

It's okay to put it in writing, you can write it out, someone can help you write it, you can have your therapist read it.

I only have people from online that would be able to help me write it (can't bring this up to my mum or her bf...)...

I hope that I can find someone that will help me.

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Guest Alex Blitzen

I only have people from online that would be able to help me write it (can't bring this up to my mum or her bf...)...

I hope that I can find someone that will help me.

I know that there are people here that love you and will help you, if you just ask for them :) I hope that you can figure all this out because it would be a tremendous help to you. Good luck *hugs*

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Guest Lee-Asher Geo-James

I know that there are people here that love you and will help you, if you just ask for them :) I hope that you can figure all this out because it would be a tremendous help to you. Good luck *hugs*

I have a hard time asking for help >.<

But I am sure that I can find someone that would :)

Thank you. :)

*hugs*

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Guest Alex Blitzen

I have a hard time asking for help >.<

But I am sure that I can find someone that would :)

Thank you. :)

*hugs*

yeah i know you have a hard time asking for help :P i remember

But i know you can do it. and your welcome :)

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Guest Lee-Asher Geo-James

yeah i know you have a hard time asking for help :P i remember

But i know you can do it. and your welcome :)

I am er surprised...

Thanks again.

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Guest Zolrek
I would have to do it in writing or I would just choke up and not be able to say it, because that's just the way I am. :( I can't advocate for myself yet >.<

I don't see her until July 2nd, maybe you could give me some pointers on how to word it?

We'll I can attempt to help. I'll write something next and feel free to edit it, ask questions about it or ask me to add/edit etc. Whatever you want me to do in order to help you with the letter go ahead. If you don't like ANY of it, tell me, I wont be offended.

Miss/Mrs/Mr (blank),

I have written the following letter as a way to extend my therapy experience. Some things I am unable to articulate properly because of the emotions attached to the words, so writing it is the only way I am able to explain clearly as to how I feel.

There are a few things I need to ask before extending this form of therapy further into deeper issues that I would at some point like to cover. I've come across some problems during my life that have plagued me and I would like to seek a way to understand why they do, and sometime later on I would perhaps like to conquer these issues. However, I would need to take this one step at a time.

This is my first step but I fear that if I talk(write) about some of these problems I will be forced to go too fast and relive old memories or feelings that I am currently uncomfortable with. I would like my fears not to be taken lightly and to be able to trust that you will take things slowly with me. If I wish to stop at some point during a conversation, letter or session on any subject I bring up I would expect that you will stop and let me recover until I wish to move onward.

Thank you,

(you sign here)

Do you know why you do that? Or why it's an issue for you

Yeah, I do, but I don't think we would have the same reason why. If you want to hear why I think I might have the issue I am willing to tell you. Then you may or may not be able to apply it to your life.

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Guest Lee-Asher Geo-James

We'll I can attempt to help. I'll write something next and feel free to edit it, ask questions about it or ask me to add/edit etc. Whatever you want me to do in order to help you with the letter go ahead. If you don't like ANY of it, tell me, I wont be offended.

Yeah, I do, but I don't think we would have the same reason why. If you want to hear why I think I might have the issue I am willing to tell you. Then you may or may not be able to apply it to your life.

Yeah I would like to hear why. :) As long as you are completely comfortable telling me. :)

Miss/Mrs/Mr (blank),

I have written the following letter as a way to extend my therapy experience. Some things I am unable to articulate properly because of the emotions attached to the words, so writing it is the only way I am able to explain clearly as to how I feel.

There are a few things I need to ask before extending this form of therapy further into deeper issues that I would at some point like to cover. I've come across some problems during my life that have plagued me and I would like to seek a way to understand why they do, and sometime later on I would perhaps like to conquer these issues. However, I would need to take this one step at a time.

This is my first step but I fear that if I talk(write) about some of these problems I will be forced to go too fast and relive old memories or feelings that I am currently uncomfortable with. I would like my fears not to be taken lightly and to be able to trust that you will take things slowly with me. If I wish to stop at some point during a conversation, letter or session on any subject I bring up I would expect that you will stop and let me recover until I wish to move onward.

Thank you,

(you sign here)

articulate

What does this mean?

I would probably want to talk about this through letters... How would I go about adding that in there? Where would be a good spot for it?

The rest is good :lol:

Thank you :D

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Guest Zolrek

Yeah I would like to hear why. :) As long as you are completely comfortable telling me. :)

There are three things I can recall that may of made me paranoid about locks, doors and people in my house.

First, my step father(s) and mother have all been hardcore alcoholics. So fights between my "parents" where often. More then a few times growing up I laid up all night hearing them fight. Now, most kids would likely just drowned out the yelling but I learned that I couldn't. I would sit up all night keeping a close 'ear' to the door to make sure my step dad(s) wouldn't physically attack my mother. She has been in a lot of abusive relationships because of being a drinker dating drinkers. I vividly remember having to call the cops on my drunk parents, or running out screaming at my step father to stop hitting my mother. I was always paranoid about him coming back in to the house again if he left or if the cops took him away.

Second, when I was very, very little my mother made me go take a nap and when I woke up there was lots of cops in the house. I was then taken to a foster home because my mother had got into her car, drove to the bridge and attempted suicide after telling me to nap.

My third is actually something I don't want to post in the forum openly about. But I think I have said enough anyway.

articulate

What does this mean?

I would probably want to talk about this through letters... How would I go about adding that in there? Where would be a good spot for it?

The rest is good :lol:

Thank you :D

The way I'm using it would mean,

Articulate: expressing yourself easily or characterized by clear expressive language; "articulate speech"; "an articulate orator"; "articulate beings"

Miss/Mrs/Mr (blank),

I have written the following letter as a way to extend my therapy experience. Some things I am unable to articulate properly because of the emotions attached to the words, so writing it is the only way I am able to explain clearly as to how I feel. My request is to do this strictly through letters between you and me, and if at some point in time I am able to vocalize these specific problems I will.

There are a few things I need to ask before extending this form of therapy further into deeper issues that I would like to cover. I've come across some problems during my life that have plagued me and I would like to seek a way to understand why they do, and then later on I would perhaps like to conquer these issues. However, I would need to take this one step at a time.

This is my first step but I fear that if I share some of these problems I will be forced to go too fast and relive old memories or feelings that I am currently uncomfortable with. I would like my fears not to be taken lightly and to be able to trust that you will take things slowly with me. If I wish to stop at some point during a letter, conversation or session on any subject I bring up I would expect that you will stop and let me recover until I wish to move onward.

I look forward to your guidance.

Thank you,

(you sign here)

I added in the last line, and put in "share" rather then talk(write). I also did the request to have this only through letters until(if) you become ready to speak about them. I reworded a little bit of it so the request flows a bit better with the letter. I'm not expert writer, though, so you may want to edit it again.

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Guest Lee-Asher Geo-James

There are three things I can recall that may of made me paranoid about locks, doors and people in my house.

First, my step father(s) and mother have all been hardcore alcoholics. So fights between my "parents" where often. More then a few times growing up I laid up all night hearing them fight. Now, most kids would likely just drowned out the yelling but I learned that I couldn't. I would sit up all night keeping a close 'ear' to the door to make sure my step dad(s) wouldn't physically attack my mother. She has been in a lot of abusive relationships because of being a drinker dating drinkers. I vividly remember having to call the cops on my drunk parents, or running out screaming at my step father to stop hitting my mother. I was always paranoid about him coming back in to the house again if he left or if the cops took him away.

Second, when I was very, very little my mother made me go take a nap and when I woke up there was lots of cops in the house. I was then taken to a foster home because my mother had got into her car, drove to the bridge and attempted suicide after telling me to nap.

My third is actually something I don't want to post in the forum openly about. But I think I have said enough anyway.

That all sounds rough :( Sounds like you had to grow up at a young age. :( Do you ever worry about them coming back?

How long did you stay in foster care? By the way you stated things it seems as though you went back to live with your mum after?

If you ever need to talk to someone about anything, you can always PM me :) I am always around. :)

The way I'm using it would mean,

Articulate: expressing yourself easily or characterized by clear expressive language; "articulate speech"; "an articulate orator"; "articulate beings"

Oh okay that makes sense now. Big words + me = confusing :lol:

I added in the last line, and put in "share" rather then talk(write). I also did the request to have this only through letters until(if) you become ready to speak about them. I reworded a little bit of it so the request flows a bit better with the letter. I'm not expert writer, though, so you may want to edit it again.

Thank you for all your help :D I really appreciate it. :D It looks great :D Thank you :D I think I said that already but I am saying it again, thank you :D

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  • Forum Moderator

Hi Lee

You know I'm will to help too in ny way I can.

Sometimes our pobias come from real events but sometimes they stand for something else. Your therapist can help you find out which it is or maybe both.

Locking things is very much about staying in control. Like not being able to open up. Our subconscious minds use symbolism so much. It's possible that when you work through the issue the phobia will fade.

.

Your therapist won't take you further or faster than you are prepared to go.

Some phobias are fairly harmless-spiders always symbolize death to me-so I hate them and avoid even looking at them. But it isn't something that interferes with my life (except for a few abrupt exits from a room) so it's not really a problem. Another type I have is a fear of small closed spaces. I was locked in a car trunk as a small child and very nearly died-as did the cousin and sister I had convinced to join me before I closed the trunk. So I can't breathe in close dark spaces, can't even put the covers over my face but again it has never created a life problem.

So yes, you need to talk to your therapist, in any form that works for you, if a phobia is causing a problem for you and not worry about smaller ones that aren't.

You know I'd be hurt if I could be of help and you didn't ask.

You'd feel the same

Love

JJ

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Guest Zolrek

That all sounds rough :( Sounds like you had to grow up at a young age. :( Do you ever worry about them coming back?

How long did you stay in foster care? By the way you stated things it seems as though you went back to live with your mum after?

If you ever need to talk to someone about anything, you can always PM me :) I am always around. :)

I was only there for a few weeks as far as I know. My grandmother came and got me. I don't worry about them "coming back" but after living through lots of nights of fear I think its just some weird built in mechanism for me that I can't help.

Thank you for all your help :D I really appreciate it. :D It looks great :D Thank you :D I think I said that already but I am saying it again, thank you :D

Its no problem.

Your therapist won't take you further or faster than you are prepared to go.

That's true, s/he shouldn't but Lee has said he'd be unable to even bring up the words to his therapist to ask about it out of fear/emotion. So best put all his fears about this down and have the therapist confirm that s/he will be careful with Lee for Lee's own sake of confirmation.

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Guest Lee-Asher Geo-James

Hi Lee

You know I'm will to help too in ny way I can.

Sometimes our pobias come from real events but sometimes they stand for something else. Your therapist can help you find out which it is or maybe both.

Locking things is very much about staying in control. Like not being able to open up. Our subconscious minds use symbolism so much. It's possible that when you work through the issue the phobia will fade.

.

Your therapist won't take you further or faster than you are prepared to go.

Some phobias are fairly harmless-spiders always symbolize death to me-so I hate them and avoid even looking at them. But it isn't something that interferes with my life (except for a few abrupt exits from a room) so it's not really a problem. Another type I have is a fear of small closed spaces. I was locked in a car trunk as a small child and very nearly died-as did the cousin and sister I had convinced to join me before I closed the trunk. So I can't breathe in close dark spaces, can't even put the covers over my face but again it has never created a life problem.

So yes, you need to talk to your therapist, in any form that works for you, if a phobia is causing a problem for you and not worry about smaller ones that aren't.

You know I'd be hurt if I could be of help and you didn't ask.

You'd feel the same

Love

JJ

I will write her the letter that Z-Man helped me with. :)

And I do ask you for help, sometimes without being obvious about it :lol:

And you are always helping me, all the time. Your jokes keep me sane :) Thank you ^_^

hugs and love, Lee

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      And when the pressure is released it sucks in heat.  I had a regulator leaking and it was covered with ice.  It's how a heat pump works as well.   Why do they always pick names like this?  It's like the exact opposite of what it really is. I hate politics so much.  But I still have to follow it.
    • Lydia_R
      Wonderful!  This reminds me of a discussion I had with my brother a decade ago.  I said that things expand when they get hotter.  He said, no, they expand when they get colder.  And I had to think about that for a while.  The weird thing is that H20 is special in that when it reaches freezing, it expands.   The pressure makes the cold and then we see the condensation.
    • KatieSC
      I used to have a really good therapist, however, she does not accept health insurance reimbursement fees as they are too low. I had to pay 130 per session. When she decided to jack the rates to 185 per hour, I cut bait. Without a doubt, counseling is very helpful. What concerns me greatly is that we are a vulnerable population. Unfortunately, we can easily be targeted for some pretty high fees. How many of us have been in the situation where our healthcare provider, surgeons, or counselors, have required cash payments? We get jammed as well by the health insurance companies as they often will not pay for items that could be essential to our well-being. It is my contention that our chances of being targeted for violence, death, or harassment, go up when we cannot easily blend in with the female population.    For those of us that are MTF, some of us are blessed with more feminine features, and many of us are not. We get the whammy of a larger skeleton, bigger hands, bigger feet, a beard, a deep voice, and masculine face. It takes a lot for some of us to be able to blend in. My belief is that the better we blend in, the better chance we have of not being targeted. In this, electrolysis, facial feminizing/gender affirming facial surgery, voice/speech therapy with voice feminization/gender affirming voice surgery, and body contouring are all potentially lifesaving. Unfortunately, many of the insurance companies deem the procedures as cosmetic, and yet there is no cosmetic that fixes all of these issues.    If you pay your money, you can get anything you want in this world. The sad reality is that for us, many of these procedures would enhance our lives tremendously, yet we face ongoing battles with our very existence. Yeah, an empathetic therapist helps, but is it just the concept of reasonable empathy at a reasonable cost? When my therapist jacked her rates to 185 per hour, I said enough is enough. Your mileage may vary.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      I don't think the temperature matters as much.  Think about how gases like CO2 are stored in cylinders, and they are basically the same in summer or winter.  Any gas becomes liquid under enough pressure.  What does matter is the strength of the pressure vessel.  If exposed to excess external heat, pressure increases and can burst a tank or a pipe.  Household propane tanks are often painted white or silver and have safety release valves, because sunlight can heat a tank enough to cause a significant increase in internal pressure, even though the contents remain liquid. 
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      It has been a long week, and I think this weekend is going to be pretty busy.  The high school is having their graduation later today.  Although we don't have any grads in our family this year, my husband is going because he's involved with the school.  And tonight there's the torchlight ceremony for the county cadets who are finishing their program, and the reading of assignments for the new seniors.  One of my stepkids will be a senior this year.  She's talented, and will be assigned a squad leader position.  My husband is really proud of her, and she's well-liked by her peers even though she's very quiet and serious.    I might get to go on a trip to Texas this week.  The storms that hit Houston caused a lot of electrical damage, so no doubt the utilities in that area will be ordering stuff from my husband's company.  When the big hurricane hit Florida in 2022, we made several trips there with badly-needed equipment, and the entire transportation department was involved in the first convoy.  When he travels, I usually want to go along, since 1-on-1 time is kind of rare for us. 
    • Mmindy
    • Lydia_R
      Maybe surface tension?   I was in a political debate yesterday and it got way too focused on social stuff and I just had to steer the conversation back to how natural gas transitions to a liquid under pressure.  One of the people I was debating had a career working in that field and it was a good opportunity to expose stuff like that.  He mentioned that it isn't just pressure, it is temperature too.  So then I mentioned how the lines are running underground and asked how that played a role in it.  He came back saying that natural gas is a liquid under pressure.  I guess I didn't get a straight answer on that, but it did move my thinking one step down the road.  Perhaps I should have been more direct with him and asked him at what temperature and pressure.  Is there a chart?   I feel people would be better off if they paid more attention to the objects in their environment instead of focusing on some of the things that we hear so much of in the news.  People are pretty clueless as to how much trigonometry plays a role in so many things in our society.  Even land surveyors don't really use it anymore because programmers locked it away in a function.  Much like how cascading style sheets (CSS) is a wrapper for math.  I wonder what former president Trump thinks about all of that?  He must have some knowledge of how his buildings are constructed, right?  There certainly is a part of me that thinks he is just putting on a show about all of this.  Perhaps I'm wrong though.  All kinds of people in the world.
    • Jani
      Me as well.  I can use my left hand for many tasks though.
    • Jani
      Hello Jennifer and welcome back.  I find New England to be a great place to live.  I have a number of acquaintances and friends in Maine and I love the state.  It seems you are doing well.     Hugs,  Jani
    • MirandaB
      Oh, my "maybe this person is an egg" story is the (male presenting) piercing person and I discussed body hair removal methods, he says he doesn't want any hair except on his head, which is what I said during a couple hair removal sessions before and just after the egg cracked.     
    • Karen Carey
      I, too, am lucky.  Here in the UK I have a great therapist, a fully supportive GP, and a psychiatrist and endo who look after me and my needs.  I found the therapist on Psychology Today.
    • Lydia_R
      Over the last few years of being on this site and going through medical transition, I've come to own the M->F identification.  Funny, I made a typo of M->T.  It is a curiosity if I'll ever put Gender: Female on this site.  It is my intention to be there someday.   Right now, because of career stuff and a high stress event with an electric hair clipper last fall, I'm feeling much more masculine than I would like.  I think that once I make some decent headway with my third career, I'll settle into a more feminine feeling.   I never really considered gender very much.  I certainly always used a feminine appearance as my presentation goal. I think that when I was young, I briefly had the idea of transitioning, but I convinced myself quickly that medical transition would be a bad outcome, so I put all those feelings and ideas in the closet for decades.  I'm still very apprehensive about medical transition.  I've always taken health to be a high priority for me.  I wrote a book last December about my fears of it all and my conclusion ultimately is that sometimes there is more to life than being a pillar of health.  It's important to take some chances if that is where your heart takes you.
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