Advice Please Help

[Guest Alexanderstar]

Hello,

My name is Alex, I'm a physically a male, I'm 32 years old and very confused about my gender profile, one thing I know for sure is that I've never really felt like a man, even people saying I am upsets me, I have crossed dressed on and off since I was about 13 years old, I was always jealous of my sisters clothes when I was young, I don't feel that the body I am in is who I am, I've never felt it was quite right and as I've gotten older the feeling has got worse, recently it's has really got me down, I don't think that I want to make a transition into being a female but I definitely want to look more feminine, I feel too masculine and it doesn't feel right, I don't exactly want to be a full woman but at the same time I definitely don't want to be a man, this is really getting me down at the moment as I feel I'm losing what little self identity I have left, all I know is I don't feel like man, that I'm sure of, and although I physically I'm a male I some how feel like a female but with some male traits, it's really hard to descried, I was thinking about seeing a counsellor but they are really poor in my area and I can't afford to see a private one, has anyone got any advice please.

Thank you kindly.

Alex.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Alex - you are in the right place as many feel as you do - and many are questioning why and what to do about it. We are not therapists and can only give you the benefit of our life experiences - which are varied here. You DO need to find a gender dysphoria trained therapist - and they are not cheap. But that is the only way to know for sure how you should proceed. In any case - until the day you work up to that, COME ON IN!

WELCOME WELCOME WELCOME

And look around here. One of the areas you may want to check is the ANDROGYNY part. Many natal male and natal female (natal means born in the body) really feel they are both genders. That might help you start your journey of self discovery. Others will be here soon! Glad to meet you!

Elizabeth

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to the Playground, Alex. Elizabeth said pretty much what I would have said if I had gotten here first, but she beat me to it (as usual ).

I know how hard it is to be confused and depressed about who you are, and finding a way to make yourself feel whole, with your mind at peace with your body. It takes time and effort to figure it all out. You will, in good time, I'm sure.

Post your questions and concerns in the forums, hon, and we will do our best to provide meaningful answers.

You are welcome to post a more detailed self-introduction in the Intro Forum. I'll even sweeten the pot with some lemonade and Sally's fresh baked cookies (no, not the ones that infect your computer - chocolate chip ones! ).

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Donna Jean]

Alex...

Welcome to the Playground...

I'm Donna Jean...

Honey, let me tell you something...OK?

The gender scale...Male all the way on the right....female all the way on the left...Everything else falls somewhere in between.

So, you can go to where ever you feel comfortable.

Everyone doesn't transition...many people here fall all along the line between both..

You find out where YOU'RE comfortable and no one can tell you any different...OK?

And as Lizzy said...it's very important to get a gender therapist...

they will help you find your "comfort zone"....

It's so nice to have you...

Huggs

Donna Jean

[Guest Micha]

Hello,

My name is Alex, I'm a physically a male, I'm 32 years old and very confused about my gender profile, one thing I know for sure is that I've never really felt like a man, even people saying I am upsets me, I have crossed dressed on and off since I was about 13 years old, I was always jealous of my sisters clothes when I was young, I don't feel that the body I am in is who I am, I've never felt it was quite right and as I've gotten older the feeling has got worse, recently it's has really got me down, I don't think that I want to make a transition into being a female but I definitely want to look more feminine, I feel too masculine and it doesn't feel right, I don't exactly want to be a full woman but at the same time I definitely don't want to be a man, this is really getting me down at the moment as I feel I'm losing what little self identity I have left, all I know is I don't feel like man, that I'm sure of, and although I physically I'm a male I some how feel like a female but with some male traits, it's really hard to descried, I was thinking about seeing a counsellor but they are really poor in my area and I can't afford to see a private one, has anyone got any advice please.

Thank you kindly.

Alex.

Hi Alex,

I feel every word here, and yeah - it is hard to describe, to yourself let alone to other people. It's not really simple when the definitions you're used to fail completely. I've a physical male body too, but I don't feel masculine, and I don't want to. That's just fine too, you're only standard to live up to is the one you set for yourself. People may try to force stereotypes and gender roles on other people, but they can't change you if you don't let them. Do what you feel like doing and I'm sure in time you'll find your way, your "self."

Good luck, and welcome!

[Guest Alex Blitzen]

Hey there Welcome to Laura's. I look forward to seeing you posting more and asking questions. There are a lot of people here who can help you find your way. Also there is a lot of information around

[Guest Alexanderstar]

Thanks for the warm welcome, I've only just recently started talking about this which in one sense feels quite good but at the same time I feel like I've opened up a part of me that is now screaming to come out, what this part of me is though I guess is still to be determined, I'm going to enquire about seeing a gender dysphoria trained therapist tomorrow, I've got the telephone number for a government funded Therapy centre on my local area, they don't mention anything about gender issues but hopefully they can pass me onto someone that can help for free.

I like the idea of just being me wherever I may full in the gender spectrum, and to able express that in the clothes that I wear and in my mannerisms without feeling afraid of what people think and how they might react to that, that is definitely something I want to work towards, but it's quite hard when society slots you into these metaphorical pigeon holes based on your physical sex and expect you to almost be stereotype of that.

Anyway I'm glad I finally made the plunge and posted in here, looks like a good community, I can definitely relate to quite a few people already and I've already browsed through a few threads, makes me feel a bit better, but like a few of you have said, I do need to see a professional, I myself want really be happy until I do otherwise I'm keep second guessing my feelings all the time.

Alex.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

like the idea of just being me wherever I may full in the gender spectrum, and to able express that in the clothes that I wear and in my mannerisms without feeling afraid of what people think and how they might react to that, that is definitely something I want to work towards,

Ahah_ thats what it is all about - to be able to be yourself.

What you are is perfectly okay - and you will learn to love yourself.

No - you cannot go back - I am afraid you let the genie out of the bottle!

Lizzy

[Guest Jo-I-Dunno]

Hey Alex. Here's a description of me:

6-foot tall, skinny male, medium t-shirt, long basketball shorts. I don't play any sports, I just like to dress that way.

Middle of my neck hair, curls up at the ends. Cover it with a beenie-cap on bad hair days. Calm, quiet, but proud and aware.

I only shave once a week, so a variety of facial-hair lengths. And a forest of hair on my legs.

Computer programmer and enthusiast. On computers... 8+ hours a day.

That's who I am today.

Take away the facial hair and the leg hair. Add some curves and breasts. I don't expect much in the voluptuous department, but I'll welcome the changes either way. I'd prefer female or maybe even no genitals, but that sounds expensive and painful, so maybe not.

And I know FOR SURE I don't want to get any hairier or muscular or my voice to get deeper.

That's who I want to be, and I'm totally comfortable with that. It's hard to explain to people, wanting to change my body but not much else. It's caused a lot of painful soul-searching in the past, but I know it's who I want to be. I don't care if the physical changes I want make me a woman in the eyes of family/friends/strangers, or if I'll just be a prettier man. In my mind, I'm no gender; not even in the middle, just completely removed from the spectrum.

Just figure out which male traits you want and which female ones you want. Some combinations are harder to achieve than others, but with modern medicine, most things are possible. If what you want is possible, go for it! I'm on feminizing hormones to get the curves I want, and I plan on removing my facial and body hair. That doesn't mean I'm going out in the world and telling people who know me to change the pronoun they use for me. I'm just being me and letting others decide what they think that is.

[Guest Micha]

I like the idea of just being me wherever I may full in the gender spectrum, and to able express that in the clothes that I wear and in my mannerisms without feeling afraid of what people think and how they might react to that, that is definitely something I want to work towards, but it's quite hard when society slots you into these metaphorical pigeon holes based on your physical sex and expect you to almost be stereotype of that.

Anyway I'm glad I finally made the plunge and posted in here, looks like a good community, I can definitely relate to quite a few people already and I've already browsed through a few threads, makes me feel a bit better, but like a few of you have said, I do need to see a professional, I myself want really be happy until I do otherwise I'm keep second guessing my feelings all the time.

Alex.

I'm glad you took the plunge too. I realized recently that even thinking in terms of masculine or feminine supports stereotypes. Also that people's reactions will matter less and less as your confidence in yourself grows. On how to grow confidence, I don't know (I been using the wrong fertilizer ) but I figure it'll happen faster once you've reached a comfort zone.

[Guest Alexanderstar]

wow it really isn't easy finding a professional to talk about this in my county, spoke to my doctor today for the first time about this and she just didn't seem to want to know, I asked if there was any counselling services available or therapists to speak to and she just turned around and googled for counsellors in my local area on her computer and give me a number of a local therpist but they don't really deal with gender issues, I was actually in tears when I was telling her about how I felt and she didn't even offer me a tissue or anything, very unsympathetic :-(, not sure what to do now, I guess I might have to travel further afield to find the help that I need.

[Guest Micha]

Your doctor, a paid professional, did a google search to refer you to a therapist? Wow. . .

Look elsewhere, maybe for a general doctor too, that's awful.

[Guest Evania]

Hi, Alex.

Speaking of age, I'm around your age, and feel the same things as you do. The experience, things we've gone, quite the same.

In regards of seeing a therapist, I'm quite blurred on this. I wonder: what is the ideal situation to pursue when seeing the therapist? I can't answer the question for myself. Is it to be a true man (without any desire to be a woman) or to be a woman through the means of surgery? Quite hard to answer.

Any other insights?

[Guest Evania]

Hi Alex.

We are quite the same age, at a similar situation, similar stories. And yes, I haven't consulted to a therapist. First, haven't found one in my area. Second, I don't know the ideal situation (answer) to pursue. You know, when seeing a therapist for other problems, the therapist will ask you what is the objective you want to achieve. I don't know it...

Given the choice, I think being born a genetic girl is the best for me.

You have have a different opinion though.

[Guest Chrysee]

wow it really isn't easy finding a professional to talk about this in my county, spoke to my doctor today for the first time about this and she just didn't seem to want to know, I asked if there was any counselling services available or therapists to speak to and she just turned around and googled for counsellors in my local area on her computer and give me a number of a local therpist but they don't really deal with gender issues, I was actually in tears when I was telling her about how I felt and she didn't even offer me a tissue or anything, very unsympathetic :-(, not sure what to do now, I guess I might have to travel further afield to find the help that I need.

Wow! I'm sad to hear that things are as bunged up for Genderqueers in the U.K. as they are in the U.S.A.

I've told this before, but briefly: I came out several months ago and the first person to hear it was my docyor's nurse, on the phone. Since that time, I learned that my doctor is definitely not qualified to lend a 'hands-on' hand. He did refer me to an excellent doctor who my insurance won't cover. I'm working on that now.

In the meantime, everyone working at the office where my doctor is (that is receptionists, nurses, etc.) though having known me for a number of years and have begun to refer to me by my new name (or shortened versions thereof.) My doctor, however won't budge on that. I'm still 'Mister . . . . . .' His nurse (the one that I came out to) has spoken to him about this and gotten nowhere.

Sigh.

You don't think you are male or female and don't know what you are? For me, that was the first peek under the camoflage that I was born wearing. Sometimes I look at myself and think: 'Oh wow, yoou know what you are? You're neither of those other two things, and how cool is that?'

For the record, I do however favor the feminine. I love skirts and make-up and am still fiending for HRT.

And that's enough out of me.

Luv,

Chrysalis