Advice

[Guest Lee]

Ok, so, first, let me explain... sort of... I got an abdominal binder a week ago. It's great. Doesn't bind much better than a sports bra, but it does mean I can wear pretty much any shirt I want without worrying about people seeing the bra strap. It also means I feel more confident and more like a guy. Well, this morning I had a song I hadn't listened to or even thought about in over a year stuck in my head. It was "the lie which refuses to die" by Black Tape for a Blue Girl. It made me realize that that's how I've been feeling lately, especially since getting that binder. Like I've been lying all this time...

My mom and grandparents know I'm transexual. My friends don't, though, except for one college friend (the ones I'm talking about are in high school still). My mom says to wait until I'm out of high school to tell them, because they may spread rumors or something. I don't think they will. In fact, my friends seem pretty open minded, I think they'd handle it well.... I hope...

So, my question is... What do you think? Should I come out to friends or do as my mom suggests and wait? And also, I don't know how to come out to my friends, since the only person I actually came out to was my mom and that was by accident (she told my grandparents) so I'd like to have some advice on that, too, please.

Thank you for even reading this.

[Guest Michelle M]

You need to weigh your options so you can handle it if they react positively or negatively. What do you hope to gain by telling them? What will you lose if they react badly? Are they people you want to remain friends with after high school? Can you trust each of them with a secret? Your mom is right in that rumors can snowball fast. I swore my mom to secrecy about me. She just had to talk about it with someone though, so she talked to her sister, whom she swore to secrecy. Her sister told my uncle, who told my grandmother. Pretty soon mom's whole half of the family knew. It's best to be prepared for anything. If they are your best friends though and you think you'll retain them far past high school, it's best for them to know, and better earlier than later; but you get to choose when and how. You might want to try making subtle changes in the way you dress or how you act, ease them into it. When/if they seem to notice and ask why you're acting differently, that's when you tell them. Also, find the right time and place to tell them, when the atmosphere has a fairly serious mood. If you can't find that situation in person, an email or talk on the messenger might work better.

[Guest Sergei]

I think you should come out to your friends. If they really are your real friends then they will support you. I spent so many years hiding who I was from the people I was close to, and struggling alone. It was great when I came out, because finally it was a weight off my chest, and I gained so much support from them, that it really helped my transition. In terms off how to come out, I found facebook was really useful for everybody generally. My closest friends I sat down and talked to about it. They all knew there was something wrong with me from the beginning, and I think they were just relieved when I finally came out and said it, and we could all talk about it. Good luck. xx

[Guest Lee]

Thanks for the advice! I'll think about what you both said over this weekend and hopefully decide what I'll do for sure by next week...

[Guest raydub]

Dude! Let us know what happened.

Ray

[Guest Lee]

Sorry! My sister, who I've not come out to, came home for a visit for a couple weeks, and I hadn't had the chance to get on here long enough to post anything.

So, yeah. I told one friend and she is perfectly cool with it. Much more so than I ever expected.

I haven't told any of my other friends, though I am considering it... I still haven't decided, and besides that, I don't know if I'd be able to get a moment alone with them and I don't really like the idea of sending an e-mail. I think I'll probably wait to tell them untill next (school) year when I'll be going to the community college.