Sexual Dysfunction

[Guest Half_Jill]

But first, a little about me.

I'm 27 years old, post op MTF. I had a relatively happy and abuse-free childhood, a miserable awkward insecure teen-hood, in which I struggled with the not-so-hard drugs and alcohol, then spent the better part of my 20's recovering from my teens and focusing on my transition. I had GRS in early 2007 and am now living away from my home town and have begun to build my adult life. I have felt out of touch with the trans community since my surgery, slowly but surely. I aim to remedy that. I'm in love and currently living with my girlfriend.

So here's what's going on.

I have had a hell of a time trying to figure out how to orgasm since my surgery. I hear of some T girls who started having multiple orgasms while they were still in the hospital post op, and others who don't have them at all for years after GRS. The prospect of never getting to feel sexual satisfaction again for the rest of my life is becoming a very scary one. There was a time before I met my current partner when I was living alone and began experimenting with myself. I would spend hours some times just attempting self gratification, trying to get off and would end up with nothing but frustration and a ton of swelling. It got to the point where it was actually painful. After a few months, I actually managed to have very very small orgasms that felt similar to ones I had when I still pre-op and on androgyn suppressors. At first it was very unsettling because it felt like I was internally ejaculating, like it had nowhere to go. The climaxes were small, but somewhat satisfying but lacked the level that I have hoped to achieve.

My partner and I have tried just about everything. We've tried toys of several shapes, sizes and materials, different "states of mind", etc. We are both very good communicators and connect really easily. It's so frustrating for both of us some times because even though we are extremely attracted to each other and have a deep connection, I cannot tell her what she needs to do differently to bring me to climax and it makes both of us feel inadequate. I've tried searching myself deeply for any sort of fetish I may have that I'm embarrassed of, I've searched deeply for what truly turns me on. It's hard for me some times because I am self conscious about my clit and how huge it is. It is like a small penis and just thinking about that kind of creeps me out and distracts me. I get how that might be a pretty common feeling but I have been outside of the community (at least actively) for so long that I just want to know what some other trans women are doing about this issue.

I realize this is a lot to ask of modern science, and I went into surgery accepting the possibility that I'd never feel sexual satisfaction again. We all do, it's part of the risk in what we signed on for. At this point, I refuse to give up, especially because I was able to get myself off at one point and I want to figure out how I can do it again. I just want to reach out to other post op MTF girls out there and ask if you've had similar issues and, if so, have you been able to find some way that works for you?

Love

[Drea]

Hi Jill,

This is a serious topic and not an uncommon issue. I been kinda busy so hoping others might be able to answer you, but I see the topic hasn't even had many views. I finally have had some time to answer so here are my thoughts.

As you said "I went into surgery accepting the possibility that I'd never feel sexual satisfaction again", I think this is a healthy attitude. The surgeon's release typically has some dramatic word such as "Orgasms will be more mental than physical after surgery". The outcome is never certain. Still the intellecutal understanding of that does not mean that is understood at an emotional level. The reality of difficulties can weigh very heavily on one afterwards. No matter how much I seen T-girls say their decision has nothing to do with sex, the first question is almost always some form of "how is sex after SRS".

I wish to assure you that you are not by any means unusual in having difficulty. Like you, I have heard stories by some who had orgasms right after surgery. In a way this makes some odd sense from other things I have heard/experienced and isn't necessarily indicative of the longer term. I have known more than a few who have reported having spontaneous arousal reactions by the remaining erectile tissue in the days, weeks and sometimes months after surgery when such spontaneuous reactions had not occurred for some time before surgery. My personal guess is that the root cause is a combination of going off hormones and some reaction to the tramua to the tissues in the area. This is only a guess. Ability to orgasm is affected by ability to get turned-on (aroused) thus it seems to me that some may find it easier right after surgery than they would some months later.

Generally I have only heard relitivly new post-op talk about their ability to orgasm or how soon after surgery they had their first orgasms, but its a subject I rarely have heard otherwise. There are those who have difficulty and generally they remain quiet. Most discussion on the sbuject I have heard by those more than a couple years post are about difficulties. Now that doesn't mean much other than those having difficulties are the ones motivated to talk about it.

I have heard statistics quoted that between 70% and 90% of post-op transsexuals are orgasmic. I do not know the source of that other than certain surgeons claims. That statistic can be misleading however as orgasmic doesn't necessarily mean orgasmic during intercourse. Generally it is much easier to orgasm through self stimulation than it is with a partner. When that is added in, I would not be suprised if the percentage drops to 1/3 that number.

After a few months, I actually managed to have very very small orgasms that felt similar to ones I had when I still pre-op and on androgyn suppressors. At first it was very unsettling because it felt like I was internally ejaculating, like it had nowhere to go. The climaxes were small, but somewhat satisfying but lacked the level that I have hoped to achieve.

The good news is that you have been able to orgasm. What you describe sounds fairly typical so you can be sure that there is nothing wrong. The physical sensation will probably be less post-op than it was pre-op, if for no other reason than that there are less nerves.

In an odd way, orgasming is something that needs to be re-learned to a degree. Once learned, and you have learned that much, it takes some practice. Self stimulating should get easer with practice. The right mental imagery is also important.

A few tips:

Bring yourself to near orgasm and then stop of a few seconds till the sensation fades. Then bring yourself back to that point. This sort of start-stop method will prolong the process but should help you find what it takes for you. It should also make the orgasm more intense when you do bring yourself all the way.

Try with a full bladder. The nerves seem intertwined with those involved in the sensation of needing to pee.

Initially try with a combination of vaginal stimulation with clitoral stimulation. The vaginal won't do much but the internal pressure, and sensation may help indirectly especially if you have a full bladder. Once that is working try clitoral only. The most challenging would be vaginal only, but that may be too much to expect.

The next challenge is with a partner. That gets a bit trickier as your partner doesn't have the same sort of internal feedback and sync you will have with yourself. To help with this you can try incorporating some self stimulation with your partner, or guide your partners movements to help maintain sync.

I have also heard that some post-op girls get on low dosage of testosterone to increase their libido. This helps by enabling them to get aroused easier which in turn will make orgasming easier. It also increases their interst which some find beneficial as well.

It is not uncommon for genetic women to have trouble orgasming during intercourse. It is only to be expected for post-op trans girls to have at least as many difficulties. This is an unfortunate reality. It is not something that just happens and all is great.

I hope this helps and I wish you luck. It sounds like you have a great partner and one that turns you on. An important first step

[Guest N. Jane]

Well generally your first orgasm will happen when you are so relaxed and in to the feelings that you aren't even thinking about it.

The surest way to NOT have an orgasm is to try to have one.

The surest way to have a GREAT orgasm is to try NOT to have one LOL!

[Guest Alice4016]

Well generally your first orgasm will happen when you are so relaxed and in to the feelings that you aren't even thinking about it.

The surest way to NOT have an orgasm is to try to have one.

The surest way to have a GREAT orgasm is to try NOT to have one LOL!

EXACTLY lol...oh my gosh well summarized. The harder you try the harder it will be; it's all with the mind hun; take your time, go slowly...and biggest thing to do is enjoy being with your partner if you get one or not because there will be plenty of times when you will not get one but still feel great. Just relax, don't get nervous; you'll be fine. Remember as well it takes time to learn what you like and dislike...

[Guest Evan_J]

"Orgasms will be more mental than physical

it is much easier to orgasm through self stimulation than it is with a partner.

The right mental imagery is also important.

Try with a full bladder. The nerves seem intertwined with those involved in the sensation of needing to pee.

Initially try with a combination of vaginal stimulation with clitoral stimulation. The vaginal won't do much but the internal pressure, and sensation may help indirectly especially if you have a full bladder.

The most challenging would be vaginal only, but that may be too much to expect.

The next challenge is with a partner.

It is not uncommon for genetic women to have trouble orgasming during intercourse.

I so hate to say it, because I understand it easily will sound like Killjoying or downtalking the female sexual experience but I swear to you that is not my intent. Honestly I guess I'm hoping to help someone maybe figure out how to find a level of "peace"? A LOT of what's been written here (with the exception of swelling, that I think you might want to see a physicial regarding) is the sexual experience of MANY (I almost want to say most if you believe the convesations) natal females.

VEEEERY few natal women experience an orgasm from intercourse. It may be "pleasant " because they enjoy the sensation of feeling pressure against their insides but that is the pleasure -pressure not pleasure in an orgasmic sense . Just mentally sensing pressure.

Pressure to the skenes gland (the sensation associated with needing to pee) heightens a buildup towards orgasm but usually is not the orgasm itself. So natal woman seek that "need to pee" feeling cuz its their best bet of having one too.

The majority have "better" orgasms alone or through masterbation. Since typically they get partnered with natal males, (heterosexuality being more prevalent than lesbianism) they usually have a partner who "just can't believe" that masterbation is more satisfying than intercourse since intercourse itself stimulates very few of the female physical orgasmic triggers.

The bulk of the triggers lead to the clitoris but because of the severely lower surface area of it , what then is given off is minimized automatically due to the difference in size when looking for a similar understanding of "what is an orgasm" when previously its been experienced via penis.

When tguys go on T, because the surface area of the organ is expanded, their personal understandings of "what is an orgasm" for a lot of them goes through a DRASTIC rewrite. How frequently it can be achieved is altered. The severity of the experience is altered as well. And the methods. Transguys by their nature are not likely to wish to discuss it and so you as mtfs lack the comparison and maybe therefore an opportunity to put your experience in a context.

Thats not to say you will not experience satisfying sexual experiences . Just suggesting that there may be some mental and emotional changes that will be necessary in making peace with the notion that orgasming is not the same thing now just by virtue of

different equipment.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Strange to reply to this because I am a year away from SRS. I do thave three very good friends who are post op - one 35 years, one 15 and one 4 years. I suppose if you are older, you have more resources. The reason I AM replying is I have discussed sensitivity with all three in detail. because I want to know what to expect. Laura's Playground is PG-13 so I won't go into detail, but I think I can explain adequately what I was told.

The 35 year girl - she said her surgery was such a pioneer thing that se does not have any sensitivity - and is actually looking to see if there are any ways to fix it. She is married to a lesbian, and their relationship is as two lesbians would be, of course, but it is stimulation of the body more that specifics. It is like Evan says - natal women don't have a sensitivity like natal men. It's much different and orgasm is not a usual thing.

The other two? The one fifteen year post told me she does not want sexual relations, so her experience isn't there. But my friend who is four years, she says she has NOT had sexual relationships but wants to. But she also says she wants a relationship like a natal woman would, as a natural extention of a loving trusting relation with a man. I think that is a huge key for the answer to the question in this topic. When it does not matter if there is an orgasim, that may be when it occurs.

Finally - yes I am pre-op. But when I was trying to work things out with my wife, she taught me how to be pleasured. We did have a lesbian type relationship of sorts for quite a while, and yes - she would bring me to places I didn't know existed - places where time stood still for a bit.

So I think in todays modern surgery world, there is reasonable explectations that for a MTF, we can get about the same satisfaction as a natal woman, if we forget about the old male ways.

Elizabeth Anne