Just Some Explaining

[Guest Clockwork]

This is an explanation as to me and what i want, for better lack of a word or phrase. And if it's in the wrong location, am sorry for that, still firs day here.

So for the past few years i'v fiddled with the idea of a sex change. Only recently have i actually began researching the topic and what is required to get a sex change. Everything is looking fine and dandy so far except one thing. I don't wish to be male or female. I wish to be both at the same time. And from what i'v read up so far, there is no operation to make someone with both a penis and a vagina. This greatly saddens me, seeing as i am neither male nor female entirely.

Yes society had classified me as male, but i like to wear skirts, blouses, panties, and other attire that women normally wear. I don't mind having a penis, in fact i kind of enjoy it. But i would also like to have a vagina as well. Since a few yrs ago, i'v wondered what it's like for a women during sex. What it feels like. And so this pondering grew into a want. Yet as i stated above, there is no operation that will allow me to have both.

I'd be so much more open to the idea of getting a sex change to female, but it's permanent, and I 'd like to be able to have access to both sexual functions when i want to.

And while doing research on the topic i ran across an online COGIATI test. Not one that can be actually determined and accepted for sex change, but more of a test to get your bearing. I took it and got a 65. Which is Anrogyne.

What that means is physiologically and emotionally i'm split in the middle of the two genders. Which is awesome except the physical aspect doesn't match.

To be quite honest, it's lead me a depression. Not because i can't have both simultaneously, but because i can't be complete, for a lack of a better word.

I have a friend who wishes to get a sex change and i wish her the best of luck with that dream. But unlike her i am lost and confused and just....i feel so isolated. Like i'm a lone human on an alien planet. I don't know what to do, i don't know where to go. I'm so scared, and i don't want to be. I just want to be me, but it isn't possible currently. I don't want to wait any longer to be who i am.

[Guest sarah f]

Clockwork I don't know if you are seeing a GT but this sounds like a question maybe someone more experienced can help you through. I wish I had an easy answer like that is possible but I have never heard of that as an option. I hope someone else feels the same way as you and can give you some advice on how they are dealing with this question.

[Guest Clockwork]

It was posted more or less so people know where i stand i suppose. I do not know what a GT is, but i am not currently seeing and psychiatrist or psychologists.

[Guest Donna Jean]

It was posted more or less so people know where i stand i suppose. I do not know what a GT is, but i am not currently seeing and psychiatrist or psychologists.

Honey....

A GT is a Gender Therapist.

That is something that we promote a lot here...\

Huggs

Donna Jean

[Guest Clockwork]

Ahh ok. See as stated in the first post, I've only been really researching and trying to figure stuff out since friday so theres still so much i don't know.

[Guest Donna Jean]

I understand, Hon....

And there's no better place to learn about everything than right here....

read....read....read...

Huggs

Donna Jean

[Guest sarah f]

Ahh ok. See as stated in the first post, I've only been really researching and trying to figure stuff out since friday so theres still so much i don't know.

We all start out at the same place as you are right now. It will come to you over time. I suggest you just become a sponge and read as much as possible her on the site. That is how I learned most of what I know. If you have any questions feel free to ask anytime.

[Guest Jo-I-Dunno]

And from what i'v read up so far, there is no operation to make someone with both a penis and a vagina. This greatly saddens me, seeing as i am neither male nor female entirely.

There are definitely porno... *ahem*, artistic renderings of what that'd look like. But, alas, it's not in high demand, and it's never been done as far as I know. I don't even know how it'd be practical because the surgically-constructed neo-vagina is basically the penis inside-out. Where would all the material come from?

Let's put that aside for now. Do you want to be more physically female in any other ways? Breasts? Curves? Softer skin? You can achieve those hormone replacement therapy, without surgery.

[Guest Clockwork]

To put it simply, physically i wish to be 50/50, the same as my mentality and emotions. I've yet to really decide on curves and what not, but breasts don't sound bad. I wouldn't mind being put on hormones, but my current location is probably not the best place to start any of the process. ( I live with my parents) An I'm not sure how they would take it if I started to grow breasts and everything else. I wouldn't mind telling my parents about any of this if it weren't for that fact that until recently they had issues with homosexuals. It took my 2 best friends who are currently engaged, to help them shift on that topic. The reason they shifted is because they saw that they were helping me mentally and they wished the best for me. But the whole becoming half women might not go over so well. In fact, dad might kick me out, and then that creates a couple of issues.

1. Collage is a 15-30 min drive down the street from my house, literally. And even though my engaged have no problem with me living there their both in collage, and they wouldn't be able to drive me out to mine for classes.

2. No job. Self-explanatory

3. My family disowning me....i can stand society rejecting me, but my family? I'm not so sure. I mean my friends basicall are my family, but my actual family disowning me? I'm not sure how I'd react to it.

So for he time being, I think I'll keep it a private matter. For now.

[Guest Micha]

We all do what we must, ie what's right for the individual. I wish you luck in your journeys, where ever you take yourself.

Can't say I'm in the same boat. Never really had the masculine/feminine conflict physically, so I dunno what I could offer you.