Wife Started Therapy

[Guest BeckyTG]

Good Morning, Sweet Sisters,

After a lot of pain, unpleasantries and discomfort, I finally pushed my wife to go to therapy. She ended up finding a female therapist who has (according to her) a lot of experience with spouses of trans people....

It would appear we've hit the jackpot. First, getting my wife to therapy, second, finding one with experience and finally, seeing how a first-rate therapist can really work. At least she looks first rate to me, from a distance.

My wife has brought home some interesting reading material that's been helpful to me, as well. After all, this is about getting 2 people to reconcile and move forward in a situation that's a little hard to foresee for most folks. Well, duh. We trans people can become extremely self-absorbed and it's good for us to read about these perils ourselves. I'm sort of getting my own therapy by proxy here.

At any rate, my wife read off a "suggested reading list" that this therapist gave her. Jeeze, this looks like she's taking a University-level class or something. She kept reading titles and reading titles and reading more titles.... I am liking this sort of education.

What can we learn? First off, if your own therapist isn't giving you some stuff to read or advising you on stuff you should read, you may not be getting your money's worth.

I am extremely well-adjusted to all this and my own therapist said I don't really need any more immediate therapy right now to help me. Going forward, I will and I'm not saying I'm done--that would be stupid of me. However, I'm just relaying where I'm at for perspective.

At any rate, 2 titles she was given were: "True Selves", which has been mentioned here before and also "My Husband Betty". I've read the first and will soon get the second.

Does anyone else have any reading material that has been helpful?

I hope this stuff works. Education is the key to adapting and surviving. Maybe this can help some of you whose spouses are either struggling or highly resistant.

Hugs,

Becky

[Sally]

I am glad that your wife is getting therapy and reading materials, the fact that she is reading any of them is a major plus.

My ex would not do anything that her family did not tell her to do and on the first mention of my being trans - they told her to leave and she did.

I hope that most of you were in or are still in marriages that were better than mine, if not it is much easier to accept their leaving.

I wish you all well and a better experience than I have had.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest sarah f]

Becky that is really great news. I am glad your wife is trying to learn more about your situation. I hope she gets the help she needs and you two can be happier than ever together.

I have been told about these books but I can't find them at Barnes and Noble. They for some reason don't have much of a section for trans issues. I may have to order them off of the internet.

[Guest Donna Jean]

Becky,

Honey, That's really great news and it's obvious that this therapist is the one that you want/need!

My therapist suggested that my wife and I watch..."Normal" together and I bought it from Amazon ...

We've watched it together several times...

You hit the motherlode with this therapist!

Huggs

Donna Jean

[Guest Opal]

Hi Becky!

My therapist also recommended "True Selves" to read! Guess I had better do that one of these days.

Huggs!

Opal

[Carolyn Marie]

Becky, you are lucky that your wife is willing to see her own therapist. I know it will help both of you, and it seems like she picked a really well qualified one. So many spouses fight depression, anxiety, lonliness and despair when faced with a transitioning spouse. They need to look after themselves and ensure their own well being, and not simply worry about their spouse.

I gave "She's Not There" by Jennifer Boylan to my wife to read. Although its really a biography, there is so much there about her relationship with her wife, told in a very sympathetic and sensitive way. My wife enjoyed the book a lot. The other books you mentioned are very good, too.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest moonrise]

Hi Becky,

I'm so glad that you and your wife are working together. I have read both books that you listed and would like to add one more to your list. This book is also by Helen Boyd; "She's not the man I married". I really liked this book because it brought to light issues that our spouses face. I don't know if a spouse would find it so interesting but I'm pretty sure the trans partner would.

Hang in there, it's a bumpy ride.

Rylee

[Guest AshleySummers]

I'm glad that your wife is attending therapy and trying hard to make this work for both of you!

As far as the reading list goes, me and my ex both read True Selves (I absolutely love that book, that is verbatim how I felt growing up) I haven't read my Husband Betty.

Check your local library for more, I was able to find one copy of each book in our cities' central library.

-Ashley