How Did You Figure Out?

[Guest Clockwork]

I'm just curious as to how people went about finding out who they are. What methods they used. Weather it be GT, family, friends, or just waiting.

Am not really sure how to progress currently and I think if i had an idea of what helped the people here, i could learn to help myself as well.

[Guest sarah f]

I always knew who I should have been but was always to scared to do anything about it. After 29 years of know I was in the wrong body, I think the one that helped me most come out of my shell would be my GT.

[Guest Anonymouse]

I'm just curious as to how people went about finding out who they are. What methods they used. Weather it be GT, family, friends, or just waiting.

Am not really sure how to progress currently and I think if i had an idea of what helped the people here, i could learn to help myself as well.

Searching the deepest depths of my soul, usually by tripping(Don't condone this, it's not a healthy option), dressing as the opposite gender out in public for a day to see if it felt right/made me happy, and by analyzing every little action/thought/situation I've done/had/been in.

[Carolyn Marie]

I had repressed my female side for 20 years, Clockwork. When she resurfaced I was confused and conflicted, and found Laura's for support.

Over a period of weeks I read posts that sounded so much like my own experiences, and I asked questions too. I met several people here who have since become my dear friends, and they helped me too. The answers made me aware that I desperately needed to figure things out, for my own well being. The only way to do that was to start therapy.

It took about 3 months with a G.T. before I was certain of the answer, although I knew in my heart from the beginning what that answer was likely to be. I realized that who I am, and always have been, is a woman. From that point on my path was open before me, and I knew what i needed to do to be happy, and be whole.

The rest is history, as they say.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest jrm]

i always felt off like something wasn't right and i was also always more comfortable around girls even at the age where they're supposed to be icky but there was also a twinge of jealousy the jealousy is what made me realize who i really was

[Milly]

I guess I've known since I was a kid but never really had the gall to say anything for a while. Told my dad a little while before he died. Maybe a month or two before. my mind is so muddied that it is hard to remember much of my life. Like bits and pieces printed on wet paper. Distorted and unclear. I do recall pretending I was a girl as a child. Even going so far as to almost outing myself numerous times when we would pick our characters to play as or whatever as a child. My friends would pick some cartoon show and they would all be the hero guy action man and I would pick the girl. Every time. They got weirded out by it. Always picked female characters in games as well. Drew what I wish I was. Etc etc.

It's so hard to remember specific things. It almost frightens me, opening doors in my mind that I am unclear of. Hell my dad even sad I was molested as a child. I don't remember it but I do have terrible terrible nightmares sometimes. It's not even clear what it is but I'm just in a room by myself as a toddler and some guy starts to touch me and it goes blank. I wake up in a sweat after that. I cannot even begin to explain why I have that dream. I don't even remember it. I don't want to either. Maybe it's good I don't... Anyway, memory is shot to urine for some reason. Why the hell did I even bring that up... ...Anyway I always wanted to be a girl, it was something in me, I would see shows where guys would go from boy to girl in different ways. Maybe it was a law and order episode or maybe it was a cartoon where they found some potion or something that turned them from male to female. It stuck with me and made me sad. I would get furious about it, and even went so far as to hate transgender because I couldn't understand myself. Never lashing out but saying how weird it was when it was brought up. I was a real illegitimate child.

told my mom in april of this year. Was a huge relief. Basically just the sadness built up so much in me that it became extremely noticeable. My mom and brother continued to press me about it. Why I was so sad, why I was trying to kill myself. I just burst into tears before my brother and told him. He said he loved me no matter what. Told me I should tell mom and I did that weekend. It was a really really REALLY quiet carride after I told her to stop badgering me about it and I would tell her when we got home. Like you could hear nothing but the engine. We got home I locked myself in my room and she came in 2 hours later and pressed me about it, asked me are you gay? I said kinda sorta and finally just blurted out I wanted to be a girl. She stood there for a minute, she was 5 feet away but I could just feel this shock in her from there. 2 hours later she said she still loved me but she didn't approve.

Idk my mind is all muddled, sorry for the wall of text.

[JJ]

Classic for me in many ways-First I thought I was a boy-but I was made to wear dresses for preschool and the boys wouldn't play with me. Then prayed every night I'd wake up the next morning a boy. Did all kinds of silly rituals to make it happen-I thought everyone did.

At puberty I realized I had to be a girl and then woman for the rest of my life and spent the next 50+ years trying, Never fitting in, never at peace. Afraid to face why I daydreamed male. Wore clotes thhat reminded me of male, always said I had a man's mind.

Finally at 63 the pressure got to be too much and I was disintegrating when I woke up at 2:30 AM with my mind shouting "I am trandgendered"-literally. Got up and looked it up and my whole life made sense and fell into place for the first time.

That was 2 months ago and now I see 100s of things where I was male-reacted as a male and never realized it. Each day some new realization happens. At last I understand.

I am and always ave been a man!

[Paula ult]

I knew from the age of 4 - 6 i was different from other boys, it was not till many years later while watching the news and a story about a transsexual was aired that the light bulb went off, but in those days 60's and 70's not much was known so like many that transitioned later in life i tried to supress it, it was after i went to my therapist in 2008 and after the first session when i asked him what he thought, he said you are transsexual, something i had known for over 40 years.

Paula

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Long before I ever heard of the word "transgendered" I was crossdressing and shaving my body (goes all the way back to the 70's). For many years, I just thought I had some strange predilections. Getting divorced made me start examining closer as to who I am. I first researched crossdressing. That led me to the term transgendered. That led me to Laura's, which led me to me

I now understand that being transgendered is very serious. My shaving and crossdressing was my way of trying to be myself in the best way that I knew how. What I was doing was natural, not abnormal. I did not have some strange predilections. I was naturally trying to be who I am without consciously understanding what was happening.

Now I know

Love

Brenda

[Guest Elizabeth K]

I knew but was in denial - there were all these obvious thiings I did my entire life - yikes.

Therapy was the breakthrough - about 30 minutes into the first session. Wow - I am transsexual!

Then a lot of talk with other transpeople, who had the same story it seemed, MTF or FTM.

Then working on Laura's- which allowed me to see in writing what I felt. All my replies and comments were half addressed to myself - still are in many ways.

Then finally, I just knew and accepted it all as it is. What I am is perfectly okay. Whew - long 61 year journey!

Lizzy

[Guest miss kindheart]

I'm just curious as to how people went about finding out who they are.

It has taken me 52 years to get to where I am now

The way I did it is one day at at a time, or one moment at a time I guess

I'm not done yet , as I'm still alive

So who am I was easy to figure out

I am ME, I always have been

vanna

[Guest chngnwnd]

I consulted a psychic octopus...

That, and I have always known, it was just a matter of admitting it to myself and starting to do something about it...

Bobbie

[Guest KimberlyF]

Just kinda always knew. Just didn't know what to call it. My earliest memories were praying to wake up a girl. I dressed up in my cousins clothes before I turned 10, I was really happy and yet somehow I knew this was considered 'wrong'. I've tried to outrun this but I've never for a day in the past almost three decades questioned if I were TS or where I was on the gender dial. I was just going to be the one TS who didn't dress or transition in any way. It's not like booze where I can stay away from bars or from parties or other people I know who drink. I have this unhealthy jealousy with about 1/2 the population and that's led to anger and resentment building up over something that isn't anyone else's fault.

Kar

[Guest Donna Jean]

I wrestled with Transsexualism my entire life from about 5 years old...

But, it terrified me and I thought that over the years I could somehow beat it....

Au Contrare'

2008 I entered therapy and learned the truth and it set me free....

Donna Jean

[Carolyn Marie]

I consulted a psychic octopus...

Bobbie

RFLMAO!

That was good, Bobbie.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest N. Jane]

From earliest childhood I played with girls and thought boys were icky! I thought I WAS a girl, just a little different (physically).

By age 8, life started putting a few dents in that assurance. Well WAS I or WASN'T I? I still thought I was but began to realize there was a problem but, in the 1950's, nobody had any idea what kind of problem.

With the beginning of puberty my impression of boys started to change .... maybe they weren't all icky after all. At 13 (1962?) a boy I REALLY liked kissed me (full on the lips, passionate kiss) and I nearly died! Okay, this is girl stuff and we're fer sure NOT boy LOL! But .... but .... but how could I be a girl and not be physically like other girls?

I wrestled with the idea that maybe I was Gay (since I was attracted to boys) but even Gay guys didn't feel like girls ..... ????

At 15 (1964) I met a FtM (before there were terms for any of this) and found out there were others with the same (opposite?) problem .... a guy in a girl's body .... a girl in a guy's body ... holy @$#!!!

In 1966 I heard about Dr. Benjamin's book coming out and flew to New York to see him. Diagnosis took all of 5 minutes and I finally had a term for it but it was still pretty much unknown in medical circles and most saw it as a psychiatric disorder. I spent years fighting that and finally got on HRT legally when I turned 18 (1967).

I still struggled to figure out what the @$%#% I was! How could a girl have a male body??? What the @$#% was I supposed to do in that situation?

At 23 my sister gave birth to my niece and I got run over by a whole truck load of maternal feelings, really STRONG feelings that I just couldn't deal with in that situation. By 24 I told my doctor I didn't have much time left, that I wasn't going to make it to 25. I hadn't so much figured out "Who am I?" but I REALLY knew who and what I WASN'T! Fortunately Dr. Biber came on the scene in 1974 and rescued me.

It was not until after SRS/transition that I truly found out who (and what) I was. Every moment of every day prior had been a a struggle to survive in a black cloud but every day after was as easy and natural as breathing. I didn't have to think about anything, didn't have to guard my words, actions, or mannerisms but could just relax and let everything come naturally ..... just naturally GIRL.

So, in the fewest possible words, I didn't know until I lived it - then it all became obvious to everyone.

[Guest vertigo]

My knowledge of ts/tg stuff was limited to pretty much stereotypes. People around me were, and still are pretty much clueless about these things. My feelings can be pretty much summed up in one sentence - 'I want to be a guy'. It was just plain awkward, because I thought that maybe something is wrong with me. At one moment I even thought I have a split personality. I would imagine myself as completely another person, because I knew that physically I was a girl, and... well, I thought 'how can it be otherwise?'. I also prayed that I would somehow 'wake up as a boy'. Though that just resulted in many bad mornings. [Okay, I still kind of do, and it's childish ]

Then, one day, I'm not sure what I was searching for... Maybe surgery or something. But I came accross an article that had terms like 'transsexuals', 'transgender' and 'transmen', and I just started reading something like that for the first time - and it looked like it was written about me. It explained everything I felt. I was shocked at first, but I got over it. That's how I figured it out.

GOD BLESS GOOGLE!

[Guest Micha]

How Did You Figure Out?

Figure what out? I'm still workin on it!

Really, it was nothing more complicated than reading about it, finding that I related to certain things, certain things described me pretty well, and then just calling a spade a spade. I mean, it wasn't easy, and the night I joined here I cried like I never had before. I'm still unsure of a great many things, but something changed in me since I came here. Like it's not a big deal anymore. I've learned a lot about myself in a short amount of time, so even if I don't know exactly where I fit or what to call myself, I still know what makes me who I am.

So yah, reading up on definitions and other research, talkin to other people, introspection and a lot of patience, that's how I did it (or sorta did it).

[Guest Symphonia]

I always knew. Since I was about 2, which is how far back my memory goes. And since a two-year-old shouldn't really know about such things, I'm fairly sure I was right. When it started making a difference I started hiding it. When I was 15 I started doing something about it, which was mostly a mistake. Then now, at 19, I might finally be starting transition...maybe.