Girls...

[Guest joeytheman16]

Why are girls so confusing? They say one thing but then say something else that conflicts with it? I'm very very confused.

Here is why:

Friend of mine Nichole. I have known her since I was in the 6th grade. So thats... 8 years (I don't feel old enough to say that!). I had a huge crush on this girl but never tried anything because she never seemed interested. I found out at the end of my junior year of high school she had a crush on me too. This is before I came out as a transguy and she came out as lesbian at some point. So we are still friends and she is completely accepting of my choice to transition. She has always been there when I needed her. Needless to say, I still have a crush on the girl.

Last night her and I started chatting online about how stuff has been since I have been home. Then we spent 3 hours on the phone talking more. Then we texted until 5am! Only part of this was about her and I and how we feel about each other. She said "You are still the same person as you were back then. But because I was attracted to the female you for so long I don't know if I feel the same about the male you." I was a little hurt but I understand. Its a HUGE change and she hasn't dated a guy in 4 years. Not long after that we both admitted to having still thought about "what could have been" and came up with the same conclusions of it might have worked but then maybe it was better we left it alone. I told her I would like to give us a shot if the chance ever came up. Nichole said "Maybe we could give us a shot when you get back."

SAY WHAT?! I like the girl but she really contradicts herself sometimes...

Advice? What to do? What to say? General guidance? Questions for her would be good too.

Thanks

Joey

[Guest RachaelAnn]

I say go for it. It may be the best thing that ever happened to you. And with the way the relationship seems from what I have gathered, if it doesn't work out, it looks like you two will still remain close friends.

Rachael

[Guest Pól]

Short answer: women are crazy.

More thought out answer: Like you said it's a huge adjustment. I think she's interested, but she's feeling conflicted because liking you goes against her declared sexual orientation. I think it sounds like she wants to give it a go though. The worst thing that happens (if you don't get too emotionally involved/invested in having a relationship) is you have one round of fairly bad sex and then you have this thing you can have a laugh about with her, sort of 'remember this time we were crazy and thought this was a good idea?' See what happens, I think, and go with it. If it's not working though, don't force it.

See if you can kind of probe her out about what she's looking to get out of it. If she's one of those girls who starts thinking marriage and babies after one kiss, I'd probably run the other way. Even when they know you're trans, that can happen sometimes. It's a mental thing. Ideally, she'd be in the same place as you are, whatever that is.

[Guest Evan_J]

Actually, if she talked to you online already AND THEN wanted to talk on the phone? Knowin what you knew about her previous feelings you could have pretty much figured at that point she still had some "possible" interest. The texting even after that just makes me wanna ask you "are you dense man?!?!?!" But in the brotherly way

Not unusual for a woman, even if her "official" stance is anything in the universe to always be "hesitant" about "giving up on love".

She did "do right" by you though by sayin "not sure about the male you" . I think that was both a reality based and conscientious thing to go ahead and say on her part so that your friendship has a "safety" in case she actually does not have the same reaction.

[Guest lvmyftm]

This all sounds VERY familiar. Several years ago my boyfriend and I were in the same place as you and this girl are now. I thought I was a lesbian and had a thing for a transman who had a thing for me too, but wasn't too sure about taking that leap or if I did what that would mean for my identity or how sex would work or if I would still be attracted to him after transition, etc. Long story short....I put him off for 6 years after he let me know he had a thing for me and I had one for him, we both dated other people during that time, but now we are together and life is good.

I have said some of the same things this girl is telling you. She is confused and unsure and doesn't want to get in a situation where she might hurt your feelings. She is your friend and the last thing she wants is to hurt you or make you feel rejected. Give her time to sort things through in her head and don't push anything. Letting her know from time to time that you are still interested is a good thing. I would sometimes get online to find an IM from my now boyfriend saying "I had a dream last night you finally agreed to date me, lol" or something like that. Was a non pressure way for him to tell me he was still interested.

Does that help explain her contradicting herself?

[Guest miss kindheart]

Most Women embrace their God given right to change their mind about anything they so choose at any time they so choose

Some times we do it just to mess with you guys

vanna

[Guest Hildagard]

All the above are true.

Cept for women being crazy, thats false.

You're crazy.

Shut up.

basically she's saying she's interested but afraid, its something new for her, dating a transman that is. Why shouldn't she be afraid, natural reaction. Be gentle, be sweet, be chivalrous, and respect whatever she says whenever she's feeling it. The sounds of this girl, she feels what she says in earnest. Contradicting herself is a way of showing interest but reserving herself as a safety precaution incase all hell breaks loose and starts jamming on guitars.

am I going around in circles?

Love, Hilda.

[Guest chngnwnd]

Vanna - shhhhh! they're supposed to figure that out by themselves...

Bobbie

[Guest sarah f]

I say go for it. I think she is willing to give it a try and I think this could be what you are looking for. You both know each other and where you are coming from. That is a plus and should help the relationship going forward. Good Luck

[Guest Donna Jean]

.

Joey...

Since she's willing, I see no harm in testing the waters and getting your feet wet...

If you two can remain as open as you've been with each other so far, I'd say that you'd have a good chance of no one getting hurt........

Worth a try?

Huggs

Donna Jean

[Guest KimberlyF]

So you came up with the same conclusion that it's prob better that you left it alone, then you said you'd still like to give it a shot and then she said she'd like to give it a shot and she's confusing and contradicts herself? I can understand that. If you're a guy. You both seem to be on that same page.

Plus she had just been talking to a guy for hours so maybe she was getting tired of having to restate things? And that sometimes can confuse the male mind. Especially without visual aids.

Kar

[Guest My_Genesis]

I say go for it. It may be the best thing that ever happened to you. And with the way the relationship seems from what I have gathered, if it doesn't work out, it looks like you two will still remain close friends.

Rachael

I like this advice.

Also, I think she's confusing you because she's confused herself. That's my completely unbiased and untainted opinion (which it's gotta be, as I've never been in a real relationship myself lol) I don't think she's deliberately trying to confuse you to mess with your head. I have grown up around girls enough to know the difference between when they wanna mess with you and when they genuinely aren't sure themselves.

[Guest joeytheman16]

Wow everyone! Thanks for all your pointers advice and opinions.

I'm going to let everything progress as it has been these past few days. She's started texting me good morning and good night ! I think there is a good possibility of her and I having some kind of relationship when I get back to school.

Thanks for pointing out that women are crazy, she does like me, it's a new situation for her, and it may take some time.

Oh and Evan... Yes I am dense! I have learned that much in life. I'm smart but dense when it comes to girls!

Thank you all so so so much.

Joey

[Guest Evan_J]

Some times we do it just to mess with you guys

....And then y'all wonder why we pull the stunts we pull after you decide to invest your little 'ole heart.

You stop playing with us. We will stop playing with you