Dizzy

[Guest Chrysee]

I was a while in coming to the realization, and then the acceptance of my own androgyny. It was after reading about others nearing the completion of their (physical) transition, and living 'full time', that I imagined myself in their place and felt that something would be oh-so-missing.

That was when a comment made to me by my daughter caused me to investigate Androgyny and something inside stood up and applauded.

I grew back a slight mustache and goatee, focused more on gender blending in my outfits, but quickly realized just how 'surface' that all was. Nothing wrong with it, but I needed to look deeper. I mentioned in another post that I feel like a car with a man and a woman sitting in the front seat squabbling about whose turn it is to drive. If I let the masculine side sit behind the wheel too long I panic and want the feminine to drive (though sometimes she appears to have dozed off!) On the other hand, if she drives too long, even she misses him.

Assuming that I explained this right, does anyone relate?

It's got me down. I feel if I let one run the show then the other will just disappear. So far, I can't figure out how to let then coexist. Yet they did when I was a kid, and quite well and without my help.

What happened, I wonder?

My partner and I are going camping next week for a couple of nights beside a lake in the mountains. We both need this badly.

Luv,

Chrysalis

[Sally]

What has changed since childhood?

You have, you lost that innocence that allows for complete acceptance without questioning why or how.

before male and female coexisted happily within you because no one had informed you that you had to be one or the other and then decided for you which one it should be.

Now with all of that wisdom that makes all of us so happy you are faced with trying to find that balance again, it goes back to accepting, if you can accept both then remain at the androgen level if not choose carefully and with the help of a trained professional because nothing will ever be the same agai once you let go of one or the other and embrace either.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Chrysee]

What has changed since childhood?

You have, you lost that innocence that allows for complete acceptance without questioning why or how.

before male and female coexisted happily within you because no one had informed you that you had to be one or the other and then decided for you which one it should be.

Now with all of that wisdom that makes all of us so happy you are faced with trying to find that balance again, it goes back to accepting, if you can accept both then remain at the androgen level if not choose carefully and with the help of a trained professional because nothing will ever be the same agai once you let go of one or the other and embrace either.

Love ya,

Sally

I just woke up (again) read this, and weeped a bit.

I have been working with the VOYAGER tarot deck, and using the 'A Card A Day' technique. I have not chosen today's card yet, but yesterday's was 'Balance'. And the day before, AI chose: 'Child of Crystals. . .The Learner.'

You just reenforced what I read in both.

As to a professional, if I don't win my upcoming hearing with the state over my insurance, I may never grace the door of a GT.

But I do believe in magick!

Hugs,

Chrysalis

[Guest Opal]

Hi Chrysalis,

I agree with Sally and hope that you have a wonderful camping trip!

Huggs,

Opal

[Guest Chrysee]

Hi Chrysalis,

I agree with Sally and hope that you have a wonderful camping trip!

Huggs,

Opal

Thanks, Opal.

Seeing where you're from, I bet the camping there can be truly magnificent!

[Guest]

Hi Chrysalis,

Going camping, becoming intimate with nature, is cleansing for the soul. It should ease your troubles.

I'll be there with you! On Sunday my wife and I are meeting with my sister in Portland, and we're heading south to somehwere near the McKenzie river. One day of whitewater rafting on the river and several days of lolling about on a lake in my inflatable fleet of boats. Not sure of the destination - will just follow my sister's lead.

Try not to trouble yourself over your changing genders. I've been back and forth as well, and have just decided to go with the flow. It's more confusing for my wife than it is for me. My goal is to go over to the feminine side - having done the male thing for quite long enough - keep wondering if I'll still waver back to male if I'm on HRT...

Love, Kat

[Guest Opal]

Thanks, Opal.Seeing where you're from, I bet the camping there can be truly magnificent!

Yes, the camping ranges from five-star hotels in Denver and Colorado Springs to primitive camping that requires a day or two of backpacking to reach.

- keep wondering if I'll still waver back to male if I'm on HRT...Love, Kat

Me too, Dear! Me too.

Huggs,

Opal

[Guest Chrysee]

Hi Chrysalis,

Going camping, becoming intimate with nature, is cleansing for the soul. It should ease your troubles.

I'll be there with you! On Sunday my wife and I are meeting with my sister in Portland, and we're heading south to somehwere near the McKenzie river. One day of whitewater rafting on the river and several days of lolling about on a lake in my inflatable fleet of boats. Not sure of the destination - will just follow my sister's lead.

Try not to trouble yourself over your changing genders. I've been back and forth as well, and have just decided to go with the flow. It's more confusing for my wife than it is for me. My goal is to go over to the feminine side - having done the male thing for quite long enough - keep wondering if I'll still waver back to male if I'm on HRT...

Love, Kat

I've noticed a number of Androgynes who wonder about. . .what?. . .the acceptability of allowing one's androgyny to favor the feminine? I wouldn't have it any other way. I, too, really, really did the male thing long enough. I was the guy in the bar who would look your way and sneer: 'What are you looking at?' Which is funny, because now I imagine singing in a band in a gown, with those gloves that go to your elbow, and opening the first set with Madonna's 'Vogue.'

So again I ask:

'What are you looking at?'

[Guest Donna Jean]

.

The camping always cleared my head and let me see things more clear....

That should be good for you...

Huggs

Donna Jean

[JJ]

We've planned to camp all summer and somehow never have. When you are surrounded by fabulous camping you start to take it for granted, Always another weekend Then it's winter and you promise yourself-next summer for sure.

We really are going to make an effort next month when the tourists are gone and it's like the campground is your own private property!

Kat-sounds like you have a marvelous trip coming up!

Chrysee-enjoy your trip too! In time I believe you will find your balance. For both are YOU -different faces you turn to the world-we can't face the world for so long in a guise and not develop some fondness for the place we learned to occupy -the skills so carefully learned. I find in time my feminine side is fading. I only have a problem when I try to force the pace. Last night I went somewhere in men's jeans and polo w/ earrings and makeup. It worked for that occasion. and since I was in an anti-GLBT environment I was glad no one noticed anything odd-or mentioned it.

[Guest Chrysee]

Hi Chrysalis,

Going camping, becoming intimate with nature, is cleansing for the soul. It should ease your troubles.

I'll be there with you! On Sunday my wife and I are meeting with my sister in Portland, and we're heading south to somehwere near the McKenzie river. One day of whitewater rafting on the river and several days of lolling about on a lake in my inflatable fleet of boats. Not sure of the destination - will just follow my sister's lead.

Try not to trouble yourself over your changing genders. I've been back and forth as well, and have just decided to go with the flow. It's more confusing for my wife than it is for me. My goal is to go over to the feminine side - having done the male thing for quite long enough - keep wondering if I'll still waver back to male if I'm on HRT...

Love, Kat

Just happened to think of you. It's Monday a.m., and shortly we're off to camp as close to the shore of Timothy Lake, up on Mt. Hood, as our reserved site will allow. I've packed my art supplies, my Voyager Tarot deck, my laptop, and my partner even splurged on a Coleman dripolator. (I drink so much coffee that it would have made even Lorelei Gilmore gag!)

Hope you're enjoying your trip!

Chrysalils

[Guest Micha]

I was a while in coming to the realization, and then the acceptance of my own androgyny. It was after reading about others nearing the completion of their (physical) transition, and living 'full time', that I imagined myself in their place and felt that something would be oh-so-missing.

That was when a comment made to me by my daughter caused me to investigate Androgyny and something inside stood up and applauded.

I grew back a slight mustache and goatee, focused more on gender blending in my outfits, but quickly realized just how 'surface' that all was. Nothing wrong with it, but I needed to look deeper. I mentioned in another post that I feel like a car with a man and a woman sitting in the front seat squabbling about whose turn it is to drive. If I let the masculine side sit behind the wheel too long I panic and want the feminine to drive (though sometimes she appears to have dozed off!) On the other hand, if she drives too long, even she misses him.

Assuming that I explained this right, does anyone relate?

It's got me down. I feel if I let one run the show then the other will just disappear. So far, I can't figure out how to let then coexist. Yet they did when I was a kid, and quite well and without my help.

What happened, I wonder?

My partner and I are going camping next week for a couple of nights beside a lake in the mountains. We both need this badly.

Luv,

Chrysalis

When you put it like that, I s'pose I can relate. There are times I wonder, like if I'm feeling masculine, or feminine, I wonder if that betrays androgyny. It doesn't cause me stress or anything, and I only wonder briefly. It's like, thinking in terms of masculine and feminine are inevitable, but if I could get away from that, wouldn't it just be an everyday thing? You feel differently at different points in time, only now you recognize the implied "gender" of those feelings. It could be part of the adaptability of your identity, or it could be simple fluidity. Some days you do feel more masculine, but that's not a permanent status, just part of the emotional flow.

I really do like to try and think without using gender as an adjective. It's like a release, no pressure or stress on how the feeling relates to gender identity. It's difficult to undo the conditioning, even when you get an early start on it. These are things in our subconscious planted early and deep. My goal is to complete remove the gender blinders and just live, as is, as I feel best, and leave the confusion behind.

Acceptability. . .can't say I don't worry about that too. I hate it, but I am self conscious. There's things I want to do, it feels good to do it, but when I'm noticed, something churns my insides. It's annoying as hell.

[Guest Virginia_]

My goal is to go over to the feminine side - having done the male thing for quite long enough - keep wondering if I'll still waver back to male if I'm on HRT...

HRT has DEFINITELY made me more comfortable in my skin as a guy. Having locked away my girl self 30+ years ago, everything female was a breath of fresh air. But the grass is brown on both sides of the fence for me, and a blend of male and female leaves me uncomfortably lost in the middle. It took a full transition regimen of estrogen and testosterone blockers to bring my GD under control. After nearly two years of discovering who I am, I self identify as bigender. It is extremely important to me that I present solidly as guy OR a girl, and I spend a day a week out and about in public expressing my female self.

[Guest Chrysee]

HRT has DEFINITELY made me more comfortable in my skin as a guy. Having locked away my girl self 30+ years ago, everything female was a breath of fresh air. But the grass is brown on both sides of the fence for me, and a blend of male and female leaves me uncomfortably lost in the middle. It took a full transition regimen of estrogen and testosterone blockers to bring my GD under control. After nearly two years of discovering who I am, I self identify as bigender. It is extremely important to me that I present solidly as guy OR a girl, and I spend a day a week out and about in public expressing my female self.

I so envy you the HRT. At the moment, gaining access through insurance coverage to the proper doctor (and GT) has become a grail quest!

Chrysalis

[Guest Chrysee]

When you put it like that, I s'pose I can relate. There are times I wonder, like if I'm feeling masculine, or feminine, I wonder if that betrays androgyny. It doesn't cause me stress or anything, and I only wonder briefly. It's like, thinking in terms of masculine and feminine are inevitable, but if I could get away from that, wouldn't it just be an everyday thing? You feel differently at different points in time, only now you recognize the implied "gender" of those feelings. It could be part of the adaptability of your identity, or it could be simple fluidity. Some days you do feel more masculine, but that's not a permanent status, just part of the emotional flow.

Hey Micha, I was gone for a couple of days and then needed time to recoup from the vacation.

That said, I think your point is brilliantly put! I know I need to get back to you on some spiritual stuff but life just keeps piling up.

Later,

Chrysalis

[Guest Micha]

Take your time. Lord knows I'm not one for punctuality.

[Guest Chrysee]

Take your time. Lord knows I'm not one for punctuality.

I appreciate your patience, Sweetie. Lord knows I tire of the 'big city gimmes' and the 'rush hour hurry-up.'

Later,

Chrysalis