A Memorial Video For My Friend Sarah

[Guest (Lightsider)]

This video is a tribute to my friend and her family. She took her own life.

The irony of it was that her family loved and accepted her. But due to some peoples carelessness in the trans community it contributed to her death.

The bottom line is suicide is never an answer. Hopefully this video can turn around some one else before taking a permanent step.

I miss her dearly.

[Guest Donna Jean]

This video is a tribute to my friend and her family. She took her own life.

The irony of it was that her family loved and accepted her. But due to some peoples carelessness in the trans community it contributed to her death.

The bottom line is suicide is never an answer. Hopefully this video can turn around some one else before taking a permanent step.

I miss her dearly.

Honey...that is so sad...

I just watched and I cried over it..........useless...

What a waste of a beautiful life and a beautiful girl....

I'm sorry for your pain....

HUGGS

Donna Jean

[Guest (Lightsider)]

Honey...that is so sad...

I just watched and I cried over it..........useless...

What a waste of a beautiful life and a beautiful girl....

I'm sorry for your pain....

HUGGS

Donna Jean

It has gotten better some what. Her father is still very torn up. He is getting a tattoo with her name on it.

I don't know...about 2 days ago it hit me that it was time to produce this video. I guess I was able to do it because I was not crying my eyes out ever 2 minutes. I still cry but it is different. I am healing slowly. I know losing her changed my life forever...hopefully for the better.

Hugs

[Guest Cowboy]

Wow. Such a tragic thing to hear.

She was such a beautiful girl. Sad to hear it all ended so early.

I send my prayers to her family.

Colton

[Guest Daiyu Hurst]

Oh god, hon, I just don't know what to say. So beautiful, so talented. Such a tragic loss.

My supervisor just walked in and I have to stop crying. But I'll have Sarah in my thoughts and prayers. Be safe.

*hugs*

[Guest (Lightsider)]

(I changed Sarah's mothers name out of privacy. For the purposes of this post I will use the name Carly)

Thank you for the condolences. However I am ok now these days about the loss of Sarah. At the time it was a horrific loss. I thought there was nothing worse than a divorce or the natural death of a loved one. Suicide tops them all. I have been suicidal myself and still continue to struggle with those kinds of thoughts. But when things get bad I remember Sarah and know that the pain and suffering I would leave behind...especially for her mother whom I have become very close too.

Ah the irony...My father rejected me and my mother passed away. (She some what accepted it because she knew I was trans from the time I was 5) But the irony is that Carly is now for all intents and purposes my mother.

The family really took some neat steps to remember their child. For instance the funeral started out as one for their son but as the funeral progressed the story of Sarah's struggle came out, they introduced Sarah to those in attendance. She was buried as Sarah. Many of those in attendance who knew Sarah and the family already knew she was changing. For some reason Sarah thought it was a big secret she had to keep from people. She was surrounded by people who loved her.

When Carly spoke to me about the gravemarker and what to put on it she was going to put "Sarah Jane" on the head stone. I said..."wait..her chosen middle name was not Jane. It was Ann." Her mother said "No she told me it was Jane." I remembered when Sarah said that she was afraid of how her mom might react to the middle name and I did not inquire any further than that. I guess I made a mental note of Sarah's comment. So I went and dug up evidence of her middle name being Ann for her Mom. When I provided the proof to her mother, she cried and then it all made sense when she told me it was her middle name..Carly Ann. Sarah was afraid of how her mother would react to taking her middle name as her own.

That revelation of the middle name helped Carly. It gave her a connection to her daughter that would be forever and ease the pain a little. It helped me to cope with the loss as well, because it was like I was meant to be there to fill in a vital piece of the puzzle for Carly.

I wish parents of trans would see this video and think about what it is they can lose. Here we had one family who lost their child and accepted her for who she was and we have countless other parents who are closed minded and put their children through hell. Carly once said to me that they really don't know what loss is until their child takes their own life. Only if they knew...

Perhaps one day Carly will come here and share Sarah's story with you all.

[Guest Donna Jean]

.

Honey.....

This whole post really got to me..

Especially the part about the name...

May she rest in peace...one that she couldn't find here on earth..

Donna Jean

[Guest (Lightsider)]

.

Honey.....

This whole post really got to me..

Especially the part about the name...

May she rest in peace...one that she couldn't find here on earth..

Donna Jean

Sorry it took me so long to respond Donna. I am of a firm belief that people who take their own lives do not go to hell...Like many claim. When something like this happens it is more than likely a mental/chemical imbalance. I am certain a loving God understands this. So I am certain she has found peace on the other side. I am betting her pain is knowing what she put those left behind through. But we her family and friends love her and unconditionally forgive her.

The real sin here is in how some treated her and society at large. I really want to emphasize that Elite attitudes in the community it's self can push some one over the edge. So please to those who read this...look inward and ask yourself if you often make catty remarks to other trans that might make them feel worthless? Some times we make remarks that hurt others even if they are not direct remarks. "Well look at me...I pass!" Even putting up 100's of transition pictures can make others feel like they can never measure up.

BTW...I see the word "PASS" as a word that implies that others FAIL. No one fails...every one is given special gifts. Use those gifts to help others not bring them down.

Narcissism hurts.

Thank you for your kind words Donna. I look back and remember the day ...april 18th when I learned she passed and I foolishly went to school thinking I was able to deal with it. I was sent home after I collapsed in the hall way and it ruined my perfect record of attendance. I darn near lost my drive to live as a result. I missed so many days of school I was almost over contract. I was going to graduate early... sigh. I pulled it together towards the end just enough to graduate on time and not owe the school any money...phew.

Any way I really hope those who need to see the video see it. It has been viewed 113 times so far and I hope it gets passed around and finds the person or persons who need it's message.

Big hugs.

[Guest sarah f]

You did a wonderful job with this tribute. I believe she is looking down on you and smiling that you are her friend.

I can't help but cry right now and can see why it took so long to make the video. I would have been crying too much to make it. You are a wonderful friend.

I am glad that I don't wear mascara yet at work because I would be in the bathroom washing my face right now.