When It Goes Away U Want It Back?

[Guest EvenClose]

Was just wondering how many people have had this same experience.

Other than having your appearence drive u close to the brink of insanity, how many others go through stages of where the dysphoria tends to be extremely bad, then subside for a while. It has been happening to me for years. Some days I wake up and even though i don't really take enjoyment out of looking in the mirror and throwing on my blue collar clothes, it doesn't seem to send me into panic and get frustrated and irrational. Then other times I get up and it starts right from the bat. Thing is, is that it can be either way for an hr, a week, a month, or even 4 months. Though now that im coming to terms with everything, I kinda get upset when it don't bother me. Not saying that there is times where im not bothered at all, cause we all know thats pretty consistent. But i mean times of extreme aggravation about not being the "REAL" you.

When it does bother me, I have noticed I actually tend to smile more, and be a lot more upbeat and overall happy. When it doesn't im usually grumpy and aggravated about everything else in life.

So anyway thought ide ask and see how many pple this applies too. Have a nice day

[Guest Donna Jean]

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Honey...what you describe is very common to many Trans folks...

We have those days that the Dysphoria is manageable and not even hurting ...

Then other days practically kills us...

I usually compare it to a sine wave...

The thing is...one day that hive point of the wave doesn't go back down again and we have to do something about it..I did..I'm transitioning...

Most of us have those feelings at one time...

Huggs

'

Donna Jean

[Guest EvenClose]

HAHA, somehow i knew that was coming. Im taking anti-anxiety meds for it now. Im pretty sure its about the only thing that keeps the wave goin back down.

But like you just said i can tell the wave goes down less and less each time. Im just hoping i can hold on till I get a few more things stabalized in life.

Like getting into college this coming january for..........Psychology! -seems kinda appropriate- plus by then this work comp thing will be out of the way.

Its just scary each time time this happens cause like you said, "you know its coming" but dealing with the ups and downs is taking a toll on me.

[Paula ult]

Over the last 40 years or so it got stronger then subsided, i can not count the number of times i bought clothes then purged, shaved my legs and polished my toe nails, hoping i did not have an accident and have to go to the hospital, each time the woman within got stronger and stronger till i had to acknowledge her or perish, and the rest is history.

Paula

[Guest EvenClose]

Yeah at the moment I just try to deal with it in subtle ways till i can get it all together. But i gotta say, when i get called gay at work, i tend to laugh histerically anymore.

Not to mention when someone wants to gossip, for some reason they always tend to come to me. lol. Not that im a big gossiper, but hey when u found a deal last weekend, its hard not to talk about it.

[Guest abbxrdy]

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The thing is...one day that hive point of the wave doesn't go back down again and we have to do something about it..I did..I'm transitioning...

Does it ever end? I think I'm at that point, save for the teen years, I've *never* been this miserable for this long and it's been ongoing for a whole year, I'm going insane. It's nuts to hear you describe it as a sine wave, I always labeled it that too, increasing in amplitude with time as well. Right at 30 years too when I'm back in college, I can't think straight, gpa going from a 3.5 to 1.2. I'm screwed not to mention broke and no job. I want this obsessive crap to go away so I can get my mind back.

[Guest EvenClose]

I know exactly what you mean there. Last year at work my quality record for the year was so bad, that they didn't know whether to fire me or congratulate me for breaking an all time record and still have a job. lol This yr has been a little better since getting on some anti anxiety meds, but its still so hard to concentrate on work of anykind when all you can think about is this.

I guess I feel a little lucky that atleast i can laugh about it most the time. Maybe thats insanity creeping up on me.

I won't even mention the embarassing moment at work with the discussion on blueberry pancake candles yesterday.

Ok but seriously, who in there right mind don't like blueberry pancakes? I mean a nice fluffy stack with some awesome syrup and some bacon perhaps. And all of this in a convenient lite anytime anywhere candle?

Maybe it was due to the fact that we were all at a mexican restaurant for lunch and it was just like me and 25 guys.

Guys don't feel the same about candles? Hmm. Could have fooled me. (hahaha) OH WAIT. I get it now. IM NOT A GUY.

Well that clears that up now don't it.

So yeah its hard to keep on track when all you think about is this. Just like your gpa it affects so much of our life that sometimes we don't even notice it untill its blantently pointed out. Maybe I should just buy a surfboard. Then i could just ride the sine waves. I'll let u borrow it for school.

[Guest ChloëC]

It comes and goes for all of us. Almost a year ago, we had a discussion about this ebbing and flowing in the cross-dresser forum, so it isn't unique to full transgendered people - even if some believe that cross-dressing is just a stepping-stone. Whether it is or isn't, we still live by the wave pattern.

The interesting thing for me is, if I'm at a low point on the chart, but the opportunity presents itself, I jump right in. I do not let opportunities pass. Of course, the amount of time I spend will probably be less than when I'm really into it.

I suspect this whole ebbing and flowing beyond just gender identity is where those bio-rhythm charts that were very popular in the 1970's-80's came from. There probably is something to them.

Hugs

Chloë

[Guest EvenClose]

Yep you said it. Thats exactly what i mean. When your on the low side of the sine, you jump right in if you can. Its just amazing to me to see how the days are so different at times. Makes you a bit confused.

I haven't look into the charts. But i might study them a bit. Seems interesting and might give me some insight into dealing with everything easier.

[Guest ricka]

Hi Sugar! You brought up several good points for discussion here. My first

thought was wondering if you are on HRT or not. I suspect if you are you'd

find yourself evening out. While I am not on HRT myself my body produces a

high level of estrogen naturally, so that I experience pretty much all the

same benefits of HRT. But hormone levels do fluctuate and I can feel the

differences in my levels. My mood is the best when I am feeling more "hormonal"

The fact is ciswomen experience hormonal fluctuations which affect their

moods. That's just part of being a woman.

Like you I have to dress as a male for my job and I very much dislike having

to appear as a male, albeit an effeminate one (I am also asked if I am gay.)

I avoid looking in the mirror when I cross-dress as a male. I pretty much

just accept needing to cross-dress for work as a reality in order to support

myself and tell myself it beats the alternative! But when I get home and

can be me again I truly relax and enjoy just being me. If I couldn't be

myself outside of work I don't know what I would do.

Hugs, Miss Ricka