It's Been Awhile.

[Guest Dexter]

So, I haven't been back around here for about two months, I gather. I thought I'd update every month, but I guess that failed this time, haha. I don't want to do updates too quickly because if I do, well, there won't be too much to talk about then.

To start off with I had the promise of getting my T letter in either June or July. I believe I've told you guys about the problems I had with the insurance about seeing my Gender Therapist, right? Well, even after they supposedly approved me for ten sessions they wouldn't reimburse my mother. My mother was irritated with all of it and she didn't have the money to pay for my sessions so I haven't seen Cindy since, what? July? June? May? One of those. Anyways, I had an appointment with my doctor and she suggested that I go ahead and secure the letter, so that I knew I would have it when I was able to legally use it. I agreed and she talked to my mother about it. My mother contacted Cindy a few weeks after that, but Cindy was hesitant. She was in a hurry too and we haven't really heard from her since then. I plan on bringing it up to my mother, so she can put it in her priority list, or allow me to contact Cindy about it. Either way, I've gotta see if this will lead to my letter or not.

I contacted the center that I will be attending for my GED classes three weeks ago about my chosen name and nouns/pro-nouns, but did not see a reply come back my way in that time period. So, on Sunday I sent an e-mail to the academic director, instead of the main director and received a reply on Monday when I woke up.

Here is the letter I wrote her and the letter she wrote back to me in response:

Hello Mr. V,

About three weeks ago I sent the director of the LifeLong Learning Center, Mr. Welch, an e-mail about my gender expression and identity and how that might conflict with my day to day learning in the GED classes, but never received a reply back. I don't know if he never received the letter or if he just hasn't had time to respond to it, but I decide it was better safe than sorry, so this is what has brought me to sending you an e-mail as well.

Enclosed is the letter that I sent to him:

Dear Mr. W:

I am writing this letter to see if you could help me with an issue I am sure I will encounter with LifeLong Learning’s GED program if I don’t bring this forward.

My issues are that my legal name is Kristen L. E. and my legal sex is female, but I neither go by that name or that sex. Around my family and friends my name is Riley and I use male pronouns (ie: he, him, his, etc) and nouns (ie: nephew, brother, son, etc). I have a disorder called Gender Identity Disorder which means that my physical sex (female) does not match up with my inner gender identity (male). I have been living full-time as male since February of this year and have identified as male since early 2009. Hopefully you can see how being called Kristen and being referred to as "her" and "she" could be very traumatizing and confusing to me.

My hope is that you can help me out with this by telling my future teachers that I prefer the name Riley and male pronouns or allowing me to do so myself. Perhaps you could even change the attendance sheet so that it says Riley E. instead of the aforementioned name so there is less confusion caused amongst the teachers and my fellow peers. This would all be made so much easier if I could legally change my name; however I am not yet eighteen and the process for changing one's name is not only tedious but also expensive.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Hope to hear from you soon,

Riley S.E

--

I just want to have verification that my assigned sex and birthname will not be brought to attention amongst my peers or anybody who doesn't need to know. I understand that I will more than likely have to sign my homework and practice tests with my legal first and last name, but I will gladly make that compromise if you're willing to use the correct pro-nouns, nouns and names and make sure (as much as you have control over) that word about my assigned sex doesn't get out to others. As you may or may not be aware of South Carolina is not the most LGBTQ accepting or tolerating state, so this is a precaution so I am not as likely to experience violence or harassment from others.

If you could do anything at all to help me along in this process I would greatly appreciate it. I also may not be in the system for attending students yet, but I will be taking the TABE test either this Tuesday or next Tuesday and my mother will be faxing over the school referral form any day now, so that'll soon change.

Also, if you have any questions you can most certainly ask me.

Sincerely,

Riley S.E

And her reply back: (Which ironically I thought she was a man. Talk about how bad I felt after my mom made me aware that he was in fact a she.)

Riley,

We will call you by any name you want. My teachers will only know you by the name you register under.

Come see me if you need to talk about your situation. My office is on the 1st floor next to the front office at Sullivan Center.

The problems arise when it’s time to take your GED test. The name on your picture ID must match with the name on your social security card that has to be the same name as will be on your GED.

I believe you will have to take the test as Kristen unless you have your name legally changed before you take the test.

Lets’ do first things first- Register and take the placement test, do orientation, and start on your classes. As it gets closer to the actual time to take the GED Test, we’ll make some phones calls and find out what to do. By that time you may have gotten your name changed or you may want to leave it as Kristen. Let’s don’t worry about taking the test yet.

We have Registration on Tuesday, Aug. 17 or Tuesday, Aug. 24. Bring your paperwork from high school and $30. registration fee and $80.00 for the GED classes.

See you on Tuesday.

Jimmie L. V.

Coordinator

So much weight was lifted off of my shoulders after I read this. I dare hope that maybe this is a sign that this year won't be as horrid as the last.

I have also started seeing another therapist for my other problems that my mother feels will get in the way once I medically transition. You know, the normal demons in the past that won't leave me in the present. He's rather a bigot and transphobic and arrogant with his comments about my gender expression. He insist that once I finish off my social anxiety problems and ADHD and depression issues I'll be okay by taking my rightful place as a 'woman' Talk about sexist too. I hate to believe that people out there that think woman are only here to breed and flirt with men exist, but apparently they do. He is hard convinced that I am a lesbian that wants to have a penis, so 'she' can have better sex. The real kicker? I think I might gay. And no, not in that way, in the "I like guys and find them extremely attractive and gorgeous like I never thought I would and I'm also a guy" kind of way.

I mean, it's a bit irritating since I'm sure my mother thinks I'm going to marry a woman and I hate to think of the smirk that would be on my grandmother's face if I showed up at one of her dinners with a boyfriend in toe. I think about that sometimes, how cunning she'd be about everything around him, how she'd take every chance to remind me that I'm not a bioguy, that I'm 'her girl'

I think the reason I find guys sexually attractive now is because I'm content with my masculinity. I don't feel like I would be less of a man if I went into a relationship with another guy right now. I know I wouldn't be playing the role of the girlfriend, but instead the role of the boyfriend. It's nice and I can see myself living with another man, having sex with another man and making another life with another man.

I went to a Job interview a few weeks ago. No, I didn't get the job, but it was nice practice.

I ordered a Tri-Top binder the other day, so it should be arriving any day now, which is great because my old binder has lost most of its binding ability since I received it back in April from Transcircle.

Things are going alright at the moment, though, that's the main thing!

I'll see ya guys in another month or two,

Riley (This is the name, I swear!)

[Guest sarah f]

Sorry to hear about your therapist. I wish you were still able to go. Hopefully you can get into contact with her.

I am happy about your coordinator saying you can enter the school by any name you choose. If you only have to use your name on the tests than that would be good.

Good Luck with school.

[Guest Donna Jean]

.

Riley....

Good to hear from you again, Hon....

Hey, nothing worse than an arrogant therapist, right? Dang...

Well, it good to heare that things are going good over all...

Don't stay away so long next time....ok?

Huggs

Donna Jean