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Married Cross Dressers


Guest Donna Marta

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Guest Donna Marta

If your spouse told you to stop cross dressing or your marriage is over. Would you throw away almost 40 yrs of a mostly great marriage?

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Guest Donna Jean

If your spouse told you to stop cross dressing or your marriage is over. Would you throw away almost 40 yrs of a mostly great marriage?

No, not necessarily, but, I would ask for her and I to go see a therapist and see if something could be worked out...

There are two sides to this, you know...

Maybe a little compromise would be in order...

Donna Jean

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  • Admin

I would point out to her that many couples manage to keep their relationships going through compromise and mutual understanding.

Compromises can include that the CDer not dress when the spouse is home, that the CDer keep her hands off her partner's clothes and makeup, that it not be mentioned around the house, that the CDer promises never to go outside dressed en femme, etc.

One could also point out that many couples find increased pleasure during love making when the CDer is dressed en femme.

It's important that communication be kept open, and that neither side can have it all.

Carolyn Marie

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Guest ChloëC

Donna Marta,

That is sort of a difficult question to answer without knowing more about the people involved and their relationship. As well as how far the cross-dressing partner is taking it.

Since cross-dressing can run the gamut from the enjoyment of wearing one or a limited number of clothing articles in a very private and personal setting up to dressing completely as the opposite gender in a public venue, it is hard to come up with a simple answer.

As far as wearing one or a very limited number of items in a private manner, there are an awful lot of unisex type articles of clothing available today (some of what are euphemistically called 'European' style), that I would think the other partner may not know or care about.

If it's more involved than that, it should be handled like any other difference in a marriage - each side has to be able to compromise and accept an agreed limit to the other's actions, if they aren't injurious to the marriage. If one feels they are, as mentioned above, I would think like any other action that can disrupt a marriage, counseling is probably called for.

Hugs,

Chloë

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Guest Penelope

Hi Donna Marta,

It is difficult to make any general prescriptions. Every relationship is unique. 40 years is a very long time; mine is only 28 but very precious to me.

It is wise to let your partner know that you have a tendency to dress before they find out and (probably) have an unpleasant shock to their trust in you. I made that mistake after 27 years.

Thereafter you will have to discuss what is acceptable to the other; probably at odd times rather than in a major negotiation.

My SO tolerates but does not support me. I can under dress in female underwear (not bra's) and panty hose when she is about and occasionally wear shoes. She's even given me some skirts and dresses that don't fit her any more, but is not comfortable seeing me wear them.

I obviously do not present myself around the house in full costume, make up and wig. Ironically, if it was for some kind of theatrical act she might tolerate it. But that is not what I want.

All the best,

Penelope

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Guest Shelley

If my wife told me to stop or the marriage was over? That's a tough one, as I've been cross-dressing since I was a tween and am in my 40s now. Assuming she was steadfast and uncompromising, even if I said I wouldn't dress in her presence, I would continue to do it anyways. I feel that strongly about it. Just my opinion.

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My wife never said not to cross dress, but she asked me not to cross dress in front of her and I respect that. Honestly it is not that difficult. There are a lot of hidden and private parts of a marriage and it is a Secret Garden time and then there is lots to share between two couple that can keep the marriage healthy and alive besides and beyond the cross dressing....

If we had only told all from the beginning, but we were naive enough to believe that since we loved this woman so, we would never cross dress again.....boy young and naive and if we have to do it over and there is a next time....you know you will tell all the moment the thought Long Term Relationship enters “our” mind.

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Guest PauletteX

I would try to negotiate a middle ground. I would agree not to crossdress in from of her. I already restrict my crossdressing to times when the children are not at home, but nearly freely crossdress when she is the only one there. After being married 29 years, I am not willing to throw it away lightly, but crossdressing is still very important to me.

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  • 3 months later...
Guest Jolianna

When I first started in earnest, crossdressing, I told my wife I wanted to crossdress, at first, she was "You want to what?". For a short period, she tried to see if she could deal with it, but it was not to be. Since then, we have had a few fights over it, she even threatened divorce at one time, calling mr the name of a british ciggarette. Its been 11 years now and she still wont even compromise over it, not even a little, I have tried to compromise but she refuses too. Even just the act of wearing panties with her could cause her to kick me out. So my choices are simple! Do or Do not? I have tried to do not, several times these past 11 years, but the desire will not go away. So I underdress as much as I can, in secret. Dont like keeping secrets but if I dont keep this one, it will be bye bye me. So yes! I am risking my marriage. A big risk, I know. but the desire is to deep to completely stop. But thats my choice.

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Glad you ressurected the thread. I never saw it the first time around. Your path sounds like a rough one. Being who I am, I don't think I could do what you do over periods of many years. I would get too resentful and the marriage would be poisoned. Btw, I am married, and an equilibrium has been maintained over the years based on tolerance if not quite acceptance. I joined a support group this year and for the first time in my life found people who accept me exactly as I am. We had a great Christmas party. I highly recommend it. Tri-ess or a trans support group can do amazing things for learning to like and accept yourself.

Merry Christmas!

Michelle

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My crossdressing did cost me my marriage. The short story is when we visited a Doctor, (I

cannot remember whether he as a psychiatrist or physiologist or what ever) any way he ask me

did I wish to live as a woman and my answer was

"Yes" and he said that we should sleep is separated beds and that was virtually the end of

the marriage.

My wife to the said to the doctor, that when she was going to bed that she as if she was a lesbian.

We were divorced 12 months later. That was 5-6 years ago, and these days I am a very happy

non-op transsexual living as a woman.

Patricia :) :)

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  • Forum Moderator

If your spouse told you to stop cross dressing or your marriage is over. Would you throw away almost 40 yrs of a mostly great marriage?

Interesting post, I only came across it this morning.

Been married only 25 years here, so can only speak in those terms. I told my wife about my cross dressing before we were married. That was the best thing I could have ever done. My desires waxed and waned over the years, only to recently become intense. I try to strike a balance between my needs and hers. A loving relationship involves this give and take. To try and directly answer the question above, I could not stop cross dressing, I have accepted that my need to express Cindy quite ingrained in my nature. My wife realizes this and is giving me space, I know she does not like it, but she still loves me, and I am grateful.

Cindy -

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Guest Emily H

Your wife just asked you to stop being someone you are to be someone you are not, or else she is gone. PUt in those words, it sounds like a very selfish thing of her to say.

But you two should try and work it out. Suggest that the two of you see a therapist together. If she refuses, try asking her why she is reluctant to compromise and work it through.

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