I Need Help With My Brother

[Guest 91curiouskitten]

I love my brother, me and him we've been through so much bull together it isnt funny, we were always tight, but that changed about a year ago when I kinda came out to myself, and then him. Hes a manly man, a souther redneck hillbilly confederate loving idiot, hes souther hate not pride. Recentrly, hes wanted mroe and mroe foten to ujsut hang out with his brother, and do this and that, and I wanna stay with him hes my brother! I don wanna loose him to, but how do I explain to him, that I don wanna be a brother, I don wanna go shooting or playing football or wrestle or any of the things he seems to love! He refuses to udnerstand, and fi I bring it up he freaks out and changes the subject or leaves. He has told me oturight, he doesnt approve, he wont try and stop me but he doesnt approve of this. So, what do I do?

[Guest samantha cupcakes]

okay well, i live in West Virginia so i understand the southern hate hillbilly redneck thing, ive dealt with it all my life. Hun i think the best thing for you to do is just to be yourself he'll eventually see you for who you are but let him be him. Dont try and force a sister brother relationship on him that will only make a guy like that more angry and less likely to want to accept you, guys like that are not easily changed. I wish you luck and i send my love and support to your situation and im hoping that youll be able to resolve the dispute eventually.

Much Love Samantha <3

[JJ]

It's a hard thing for both of you but as Samantha said you can only be you and stand firm. It;s up to him to come around or not.

Seems like many of the southern hate boys also see women as weak and second class and you can let him see you are neither and will not be pressured into doing what you dislike or resuming a role in any part that is not you.

Let him know he'll always be your brother and special to you but he's not losing a brother because he never really had a one-just a sister pretending to be a guy. You aren't really changing except to quit pretending

Good luck - I know it hurts-and hope some of this helps

JJ

[Carolyn Marie]

Great advice Kitten from both Samantha and JJ.

It sux, but you can't force him to accept you; he either will or he won't, but you cannot

make him feel a certain way.

Just let him know that the door is always open to him, but that to walk through it, he

has to accept you.

Being trans is hard, hon. I'm sorry.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Donna Jean]

It sux, but you can't force him to accept you; he either will or he won't, but you cannot

make him feel a certain way.

Carolyn Marie

So very true....

We all stand to lose things in all of this...that's an unfortunate fact...

Like Carolyn says...stay close and always keep the door open...

Good luck to you, Kitten....

LOVE

Donna Jean

[Guest 91curiouskitten]

You sure I cant force him? Cuz thatd be really nice x.x

Thanks for the advice though, btu there has to be something I can do, he kinda freaked me out becuas eI go to JRTS a once a month Trans support group thing, and he wants to come, but I told him no after thinking about it. He disapproves, and I know he would be rude and very offensive to more then a few of the other girls there and that would jsut be bad for everyone all around, so, he wants to try and dunerstand, and I try to help him but hes my brother, and some of the questions he asks are so ahrd to answer, I dont even know why. So right now I'm jsut trying to find somethign we can do together that both of us like, it isnt easy./

[Guest i is Sam :-)]

whether he's accepting or not, he's your brother and those are his interests, he's not likely to wanna go get his nails done with you etc.

if you wanna spend time with him then try and compromise with him, tell him you'll do his thing, but next time he has do something that's your choice. try and ease him into it, don't go for anything crazy early to begin with. maybe just drag him to a few shops and lunch and a nice cafe somewhere.

let him enjoy gaining a sister, and have a good time with you more in your element but without shoving it in his face, at the same time, don't just stop doing or refuse to do or complain about all the stuff you used to do with him, you'll make him feel like you're stealing his brother, and he's gonna resent you for that. maybe you never really enjoyed that stuff, but he's not gonna understand that, even if you try to explain it to him.

[Guest 91curiouskitten]

It isnt that sam, I tried, although not the you do somethign I liek I do somethign you like thing, you see his

'fun; is technically illegal. I have perwonally seen the videos he has on his camera of him jumping, anfd beating african american peoeple, beating them with hsi friend nick and some kid I dont know, and cussing at these peopel and everything. Admitedly, that was nearly a year ago, but thats jsut the type of person he was. I was scared enough coming outto him, there is no way I'm asking him to go shopping or anything like that, we live together ,and he toelrates it, I'm not pressing it, thats why Im trying to find somethign we can do together that doesnt invovle either gener, maybey bowling, or laser tag or something, btu theres nothing like that around here. He wants me to go hunting with him, I couldnt even hunt when I was tryign to be mr macho, its jsut akward killing an animal for fun. I udnerstand this is alot on him, and I dont expect him to be alright with it in the least, but I want us to at least be the friends we always were, we were never really tight brothers, but we were close friends

[Guest Rem]

It isnt that sam, I tried, although not the you do somethign I liek I do somethign you like thing, you see his

'fun; is technically illegal. I have perwonally seen the videos he has on his camera of him jumping, anfd beating african american peoeple, beating them with hsi friend nick and some kid I dont know, and cussing at these peopel and everything. Admitedly, that was nearly a year ago, but thats jsut the type of person he was. I was scared enough coming outto him, there is no way I'm asking him to go shopping or anything like that, we live together ,and he toelrates it, I'm not pressing it, thats why Im trying to find somethign we can do together that doesnt invovle either gener, maybey bowling, or laser tag or something, btu theres nothing like that around here. He wants me to go hunting with him, I couldnt even hunt when I was tryign to be mr macho, its jsut akward killing an animal for fun. I udnerstand this is alot on him, and I dont expect him to be alright with it in the least, but I want us to at least be the friends we always were, we were never really tight brothers, but we were close friends

Um...Yeah...Why would you want to be friends with, or even be around a person who could do something, um, ANYTHING like that?

[Guest 91curiouskitten]

Because hes my brother and me and him been through alot of stuff together, its a cliche line but we basically kept eachother alive through portsmouth and the traielr park

[Guest Alice4016]

I went through something similar with my sister; she is very "hillbilly", I strongly dislike that term but anyway, she and her husband do the whole nascar, stars and bars in the pickup window, etc etc. They we're not accepting at all for a LLLOOONNNGGG time to be honest, but they did manage to come around after about a year. ("coming out" as Muslim lol has started this whole process again, and I think permanently this time lol). Some people take longer than others to accept this, and for others it may even take witnessing your changes and progress to even start to comprehend that this is happening. Don't loose hope, but please do understand (the harsh realist now coming out.. ) that sometimes things do not always work out as we would like for them to, and you sometimes need to make choices in this life that will change your course completely. Everyone (well I can not truly say everyone, but a lot) of people do loose people in transition, even family, it's just a reality of the trip.

Stay strong, you have a lot of great advice here hun, just keep being you; and you'll get through this

[Sakura]

my family is as redneck as it comes hunt fish monster truck rally's country music and severely homophobic and racist to boot , i fully expected to get disowned or beat to death. in fact the complete opposite happened , this really does test that saying " blood is thicker, than water" alls you can do is say how you feel , he may take it hard, but if you are really close, then he will come to his senses eventually , just know that it may take a while. some people go threw the same steps of grieving the dead , took my mom over a year to fully come around, my best friend who was like a brother to me , took it the hardest and took almost 3 years to get over it.

be persistent, keep the door open , take every chance to let him know you still want him to be in your life , and he may come around , but you also have to be prepared in transition, there is always the very real possibility, that he may never be ok with it.

Sakura

[Guest Rem]

Because hes my brother and me and him been through alot of stuff together, its a cliche line but we basically kept eachother alive through portsmouth and the traielr park

Yeah, and I have a dog I've had since I was a kid, but if that thing ever bit someone I wouldn't hesitate to shoot it. Same thing with my brother- not the shooting thing, but I'd turn him over to the police if I ever caught him doing something illegal. The failure to do that (when others are being hurt), is just flat out psychopathy.

[Guest 91curiouskitten]

Well you and me are different people, and besides it was a year or so ago, he hasnt done it since, he promised. I'm nto making this to try and change my brother of who he is I just want him to be as accepting of me as I am of him.

[Guest Rem]

Well you and me are different people, and besides it was a year or so ago, he hasnt done it since, he promised. I'm nto making this to try and change my brother of who he is I just want him to be as accepting of me as I am of him.

I raped a girl once (merely jesting), but that was a year or so ago, and I haven't done it since, so it doesn't matter, right? Besides, I promised to never do it again.

See how that logic is...illogical?

People like that don't just up and change. Cut the strings. You're better than him (I'm assuming). That, or chances are you'll be dragged down. It's funny how that works.

[Guest 91curiouskitten]

I never said it made it right, and hes done alot of stupid things that I'm not allowed to tell anyone about but he has changed, he doesnt do things like that anymore because I told him if he does I'll beat the living crap out of him ((yes I can and I've done it before will do it again if he deos anythign tbhat stupid)) and it isnt right but it was jsut the way thigns were, especially where we living, he had friends that kept peopel from screwing with him thats what they did.

Am I blinded? Maybey but I dont think so, he sued to be a wigger, then a rapper, then a rocker now a redneck, only issue is redneck is lasting the lognest since its the easiest for him to play! Now, since our conversation is entirely off topic from what this originally was if you wish to continue this debate, then message me and we can talk about it, otherwise, I'm jus looking for advice on how to handle my brother and help him accept me

[Carolyn Marie]

I raped a girl once (merely jesting), but that was a year or so ago, and I haven't done it since, so it doesn't matter, right? Besides, I promised to never do it again.

See how that logic is...illogical?

People like that don't just up and change. Cut the strings. You're better than him (I'm assuming). That, or chances are you'll be dragged down. It's funny how that works.

Ok, folks, lets all calm down a bit here. I understand the strong opinions, but we need to respect each other. Kitten needs our help and advice, not condemnation for something someone else did. No one can turn the clock back and undo what was done.

Lets focus on how to help, and focus on the future, not on whether she should have done something different a year ago. Thanks

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Good answers, a lot of advice - some better explaining of what is really going on - even a bit of discussion in two directions.

So here is what I think - and I live in a deep south area - and near the Louisiana Parish that supported David Duke (Google that if you don't understand).

How old is your brother? If he is young, he may see its a a different world eventually - and be a bit more tolerant. BUT you cannot bank on that. It is unlikely his basic values will change soon, and even if they eventually do, and it will be a slow process.

HE IS YOUR BROTHER - yes. And you must work with him the rest of your life if necessary because of that. It is something that should not be sacrificed - UNLESS... he turns on you or endangers you in any way. If that happens, you must not associate with him regardless of your past history and family ties.

And associting like before? You MUST do it as yourself. Women HUNT all the time - and go to BIG TRUCK rallies and such. Be what you are. Let him see the real you. It will educate him and help your relationship at the same time - if you are true to yourself, and his brotherly love for you is real.

OKAY

That said? Be careful. If you compromise even the sightest bit on any of this, then try to change it later, he will be so confused he won't be able to recover. ALSO - remember you have known your true feelings your entire life. You probably have even done a lot of research. This is most likely completely new to him, so be gradual and be persuasive. BUT be careful... his history of behavour is DANGEROUS to transpeople.

And the meeting? You MUST have 100% agreement from him - in advance - to look and listen - NO INSULTS, no comments. You MUST be able to trust that... and have a certain understanding. If you can get that, his meeting others like yourself could be the revelation he needs to know what transsexuality is.

I wish you the best on this - hard choices here for you! Doable I hope...

Elizabeth Anne - Louisiana Southern Belle

[Guest DawnK]

Knowing a little something about Rednecks, if alcohol becomes involved and your brothers friends decide that they need to save you from yourself and bring you back to the Manly side of life, your brother may become involved for no other reason than peer pressure. Things like this happen in the military all the time. All I'm trying to say is be careful and take care of yourself. And watch your brother and his friends for any changes in attitude. And trust your instincts. If it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't.

And for the record, I was raised in a Male Macho household where men were men and women were there to take care of them. And any other lifestyle was of the devil. For that very reason, I haven't told my brother about myself for fear of how he would react. And believe it or not, he is the kind of man who would give his life protecting a women of any color, but I'm not so sure he'd be as ready to defend someone like myself. We'd just be getting what we deserve.

[Guest 91curiouskitten]

How old is your brother? If he is young, he may see its a a different world eventually - and be a bit more tolerant.

Hes my big brother by year and a month

And thanks for the advice all kincluding the new ones, it gives me somethigng to think about :/