When Is Enough Enough? Help Me...

[Guest Piri]

Hypothetically, mind you, so that any government mandated employee does NOT have to report this situation:

I am a 17 year old mtf with abusive parents. Both of them constantly verbally abuse me, and treat me like I am nothing. Let me list what happened in one day as an example for every other miserable day in my home.

Verbal: "Riley, clean the carpets, the dishes, and help your sister do her homework." I do this all without complaint, whereupon I am immediately set upon for not sweeping the corners, incorrectly stacking dishes, and then sworn at because I'm so lazy.

Emotional: "You buying those clothes just made me want to throw up. What the hell is wrong with you, you want people treating you like a sweetheart?"

Which leads me to their physical abuse, which mind you only happens once or twice a month:

Situation develops, father gets angry when I tell him to stop swearing in front of my friend. Tells me to shut the love up, how dare I have the nerve to tell him not to swear when he works all day. Pushes me over, telling me to get the love out. I fall in the flowerbed, in the mud. With the force of his push, I literally do a backwards tumble on the ground, head over heels. I start to scramble backwards, paralyzed with fear as my mother watches the situation impassively. I take a few half scrambles backwards, away from my father, hands covered in mud. My father takes a step towards me. I am literally paralyzed with fear, I can't move. He yells to me, "Riley, stand the love up! What the love is wrong with you! Stand up, you- you-" He ended the sentence with one of his classic roars, face completely red by this time. He storms off, and my mother just waits for me to get up. Once I stand up, trembling, she puts a hand on my shoulder gently. I look to her for comfort, but instead, she looks me in the eye and says, "You are late for work. Go change out of those filthy clothes, and put on a new outfit."

This HYPOTHETICALLY happened a month ago. There has been one more hypothetical abuse since then.

So, the question is: If they pay for college, is it worth keeping my mouth shut? Should they answer for what they have done to me, and what they will do to my eight year old sister for ten years? (Just verbal abuse to her, so far)

[Guest abbxrdy]

You can get loans to pay for college and if your sister becomes abused you can always contact social services.

[Guest Piri]

But... Should I self advocate? Where would I go?

[Carolyn Marie]

Sarah, no child, not 8, and not 17, should have to endure physical abuse.

Whether its worth it to keep quiet in the face of physical abuse is something I cannot answer for you. Only you know your family, only you know how much you can endure, only you know what your father is capable of doing. For me, I would find some other way to pay for college if having my parents pay meant enduring physical and emotional abuse.

If you think that your sister is herself in danger, or has actually suffered physical abuse, or is likely to if you leave, then you owe it to her to protect her, since your mother seems incapable of that. Please call 1-800-4-A-CHILD, the national child abuse hotline.

It's a very difficult choice to make, Sarah. You are forced to make adult decisions at a young age, but it seems that such is your fate.

I wish you luck. After you've posted 5 times, you can PM me if you need to discuss it offline, or log into Chat and talk to the Mods there.

Please keep in touch, Sarah. I do care about you.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Jean Davis]

Hi honey

The first thing I would do is to see if I could get a grant for school or find some other way to pay for schooling. The more independant you become the more clear your decesions will be, plus if your parents know that you are not releying on them for anything you will have more influence with them. Perhaps you would be able to persuade them to take some anger management classes before involving social services. I would use social services as the last option, but this is ultimately your decision since you are the only one that knows your family.

Hope everything works out.

LUV

Jean

[Guest Melisiris]

Ouch, this sounds familiar, be very strong, piri. Get out of there as soon as you can.

I am trying to save someone from a similar situation.

[Guest stranger]

It's a catch-22 regarding taking their money and getting hit/browbeat in the process. This is why:

They verbally/physically abuse you, you feel like crap, you'll do worse in your classes. You do it on your own, you'll be stressed, you'll do worse in your classes.

The only way out of the catch-22 is to get a full scholarship.

I think that doing it through work-study, part-time jobs, scholarships and-or student loans(don't let that debt get too high!) is going to lead to higher self-respect in the long term. Just go to the cheapest accredited school you can (UNLESS you get a full scholarship somewhere, then GO!). I was told(and I'm an old fart dinking away at a bachelor's) that where you get the undergrad matters not so much as having the undergrad. It's where you get the master's that counts(for my chosen profession, anyway.)

I'd also say also go during summer semester too, so you have a good excuse not to go home. And if they hit your sis, yeah, call protective services on them anonymously. They'll likely think it was the neighbors and start drama with them.

[Guest Melissa 67]

You can call finacial aid at your school, they'll show you what to do. You can definitly get enough loans to cover your school. Call social services and get your sister out of there as quickly as possible. Bad news is, you probably are considered a dependend as far as financial aid is concerned so unless you are able to get your parents tax information, your going to have to find a way around that. Well tell them the truth about how your parents are, and that it's an impossible situation and they might be able to tell you how to get around it.

Melissa 67

[Guest Masculinity]

You need to contact social services,if I were you,I'd get foster parents or something.