I Don't Mean To Sound Like A Negative Nancy Here But...

[Guest Giana]

Please tell me why I shouldn't transition.

I've thought about numerous reasons on why I should... but I fear that I haven't taken into consideration all the reasons not to. I have several basic ideas, but any reasons anyone has thought of would be greatly appreciated. Sorry its so depressing to think about, but before I make any major decisions I would like to make sure I've thought of as much as I can, right?

My reasons are:

1.Financial issues

2.Lack of acceptance from family/ friends

3.Lack of acceptance in general

4.Not being passable

5.Not being able to have a good career..?

So any other ideas would be greatly appreciated, as always. Also, counterarguements to those 5 issues would also be very helpful. And I thought of many in the past, but most of those I have gotten over or disregarded after much consideration, but may be I shouldn't have...

Thanks =)

-Giana

[Guest Donna Jean]

.

Well, Honey.....

Those are all valid concerns....

But when you get to the bottom line...Are you a woman?

See, for many of us, we have those same nagging doubts, but that don't stop our transitions because we're driven to be who we are..

Donna Jean

[Sally]

Please tell me why I shouldn't transition.

I've thought about numerous reasons on why I should... but I fear that I haven't taken into consideration all the reasons not to. I have several basic ideas, but any reasons anyone has thought of would be greatly appreciated. Sorry its so depressing to think about, but before I make any major decisions I would like to make sure I've thought of as much as I can, right?

My reasons are:

1.Financial issues Is not transitioning a guarantee of financial security?

2.Lack of acceptance from family/ friends Are they accepting you now or just the character you play for them?

3.Lack of acceptance in general How do you know until you try - could being yourself actually help?

4.Not being passable How can you be so sure, HRT does make huge changes - why not give yourself a chance?

5.Not being able to have a good career..? Careers are not a stable thing like they used to be but again there are examples of very successful women who transitioned - how can you be so sure that you won't?

So any other ideas would be greatly appreciated, as always. Also, counterarguements to those 5 issues would also be very helpful. And I thought of many in the past, but most of those I have gotten over or disregarded after much consideration, but may be I shouldn't have...

Thanks =)

-Giana

I have given you five questions to ask yourself and now I would like to give you a few more.

Like Donna Jean asked, Do you feel that you are a woman?

How happy are you now?

How do you know that correcting these current feelings will not offset any negatives?

If we look only for the negative that is what we will find, it has always worked for me - I see a lot of negatives around me all of the time.

Let's try looking for the positives - it just might work that same way.

I have a long list of negatives like my family being so against this that I did not even get Birthday cards from them this year - it was too inconvenient to call me on the day so I got a late birthday call from my mother - since her birthday was the very next day after mine it was more of a thank you for the gift I had sent her - OK, pretty negative energies there but I feel better about myself now and that makes such a huge difference, I am shutting down the war that has been going on between the me everyone else knows and the real me.

As the other me has begun to fade I feel more and more like I can be happy, it is a new experience and will take some time before I am really comfortable with that - misery had been my constant companion and it does not want to say goodbye but I am leaving it behind as well - little by little as I transition from male to female I am also transitioning (just as slowly)from a miserable loaner to an outgoing and happy person finally at peace with myself.

Just a little to think about.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest KimberlyF]

You might get to a point where none of those questions matter, and you'll have to risk everything to be yourself.

Kim

[Paula ult]

Giana hon,

Those are all the big ones, Donna Jean and Sally as usual have done a great job answering them.

If you are indeed transsexual there will come a time, if you do not transition now, that usually between the ages of late 30's on up that little bell will go off and you will have to transition or you will not survive, that is how it was for me and many other older transitioners, that is if you survive that long, read the stats on suicide, it is not a pretty picture.

http://www.lauras-playground.com/chat.htm

You really need to discuss these issues with a gender therapist, those that transition young usually pass so well they disappear into society and live almost their whole lives as women, there is nothing that says you cannot achieve your dreams as a women.

Paula

[Guest Opal]

Hi Giana,

We are not really the ones that should tell you that you should or that you should not transition. It is your life, and your decision.

Even a Gender Therapist will not tell you that you should or should not, they are there to help you make an informed decision, and provide a safe path in your decision.

Have you looked at Androgyny? Possibly here are some answers you might find for yourself.

Again, I am reluctant to say much as each of us have a unique set of feelings and needs. Wish you the best on your search.

Huggs,

Opal

[Guest Annaemo]

As the other me has begun to fade I feel more and more like I can be happy, it is a new experience and will take some time before I am really comfortable with that - misery had been my constant companion and it does not want to say goodbye but I am leaving it behind as well - little by little as I transition from male to female I am also transitioning (just as slowly)from a miserable loaner to an outgoing and happy person finally at peace with myself.

I love this quote, its sad your unhappy now but I think you will feel at peace with your self and become outgoing and happy if you try hard . I'm thinking the same as you too but I don't really have a close family, no kids no partner, grandparents. Only my mother and her boyfriend who is more like a friend really. Really if I was not so worried I would go and transition tomorrow. Its just there are so many mental blocks, what will my friends say, will my mother stop talking to me. Will everyone hate me will and it get messed up and end up looking like a freak?

I'm very new to this but seeing so many nice people here who look and sound awesome, it seems like a really nice goal

Anna xxxx

[Flint]

be rich in your self. Not in money.

[Guest EvenClose]

Im 27 and I knew I had to do something when I almost had a mental collapse over this. I had never knew that there was literally a ton of people that feel the way I do.

I knew I had all the wrong emotions, actions, mannerisms, thoughts, feelings for my gender and know matter how much I tried to explain it to myself, push it out of my mind, or forget about it, it kept coming back.

When I realized that there was a honest to god way out of this ever intensing nightmare, thats when I almost lost it. (yeah yeah i know i haven't said this before. lol)

I was a total mess for almost a yr. I was failing at everything in life. My mind just kept telling me something was wrong. I got so worried by the time I could not figure it out that I was about to just give up. No not suicide, but just give up on life and everything in it.

One day someone at work mentioned something of someone who they had seen on a show who was transsexual and they couldnt believe the things they were saying. Thats about the time it hit me.. I was like "hmm, kinda sounds like me."

So i came home and spent 4 days straight with no sleep reading about this. By the time i collapsed and passed out for 18 hrs, i woke up and felt like there was still hope for me.

Trust me im scared to death of what lies ahead, but we all know that we shouldn't let "what ifs" get to ya. But in around 3-4 months ill be starting a full regiment of hrt. Im scared to death, but not near as scared of life without me being me for 1 more day and doin nothin about it. Yes my s/o don't understand. Im unsure what will go on with my child, work, etc.etc. But i know if i don't keep my head on straight, ill just be back to this point in....hmmm who said it....(read above posts) 30's-40's-50's?

What has helped me has been to really think about my childhood and all the things that should have led me to deal with this earlier. Not our fault. A lot of us didn't know. But we do now. If courage and self esteem is what you need. Don't look for it. Slap it in the face and tell it that you don't need someone telling you who you are. You have known all along. Get a little tiger in ya. Grrrr-llll. (hehe<--kinda cute i thought.) Courage is those who are courageous. We ain't courageous, we're EPIC! We pave our own yellow brick road. We don't need one for us to follow. Like it or not, they just gotta accept we are here to stay. -winks- If you ever need anything just pm hun. Hope i made you feel better.

-hugz-