Coming Out To My Mom...help? D':

[Guest Leo the First]

My family is very, incredibly anti-gay. I love them, but I can't get over it. Unfortunately, I also can't get over lying to myself & them every single day. I hate it.

I'm a freshman, moving out and getting surgery and a name change and becoming the real me isn't an option right now. D: I want to tell my mom, and I want her to support me, and I want my friends and brothers to love me even though I'm a transgender. I really hate waking up each and every day, and looking at myself, and seeing every single feminine point. I'm a little masculine, my voice is somewhat deep and my shoulders are about two to three inches wider than the average female (and I don't work out, lo and behold). They're about 15-16 inches. Okay, done bragging.

But I really hate my body...I mean, I hate the way my voice squeaks and the way my hair falls (so girly D8) and the way I can't stop walking and the way I talk like a girl (or a chipmunk on crack, either one). And I want to tell my mom.

But I know she'll hate it and I know she'll disapprove and I know she'll tell me I'm just young, and confused. And then I'll be shut off again, like last time when I told her I liked girls. (Which turned out awful...I actually locked myself in my room for about a week because she was being such a beeeeeeetch about it.)

I guess I just want help with this. I want to see a therapist, but I can't because I have no money. Dx and there's no therapists like that in Hilo.

I really want help. I really do. I don't know anymore.

I'm not suicidal though! *thumbs up and a great big smile*

Sorry to rant,

Leo

[Guest Donna Jean]

.

Hey, Leo....

It's too bad that you don't have access to a gender therapist because...besides helping you find what you need in all of this, a diagnoses from a professional carries a lot of weight with parents..

And FTM or MTF, we all hate our "incorrect" attributes and would love to change them...

I'm glad that you're not suicidal....

Just keep with it....OK?

Huggs

Donna Jean

[Guest Leo the First]

.

Hey, Leo....

It's too bad that you don't have access to a gender therapist because...besides helping you find what you need in all of this, a diagnoses from a professional carries a lot of weight with parents..

And FTM or MTF, we all hate our "incorrect" attributes and would love to change them...

I'm glad that you're not suicidal....

Just keep with it....OK?

Huggs

Donna Jean

Thanks D: I really just needed to rant. Thanks for the nice words!

I really really want to see a gender therapist...is there one online that I could talk with, for free? Dx Probably not. I don't have a credit card, so that's also out for me. *groans*

[Guest Annaemo]

Hi Leo...I'm having this problem at the moment too. I'm thinking that we are so anxious to come out to everyone and be our self that we forget these things take a long time to happen. Even if you do tell your parents and get treatment tomorrow your voice and everything will not suddenly change to male and everyone still wont respect you for male. In one article I read the person compared transition to school. You start in the first grade not knowing so much and try your best to graduate to being your chosen gender. I guess a therapist is like your teacher and can give you lots of help on the way I imagine. I'd say take thing slow and don't worry about what your parents will say for now. Just do you own things and get lots of advice from other transgender people . Thats what I'm trying to do anyway.

[Guest Matty J.]

I know how difficult it can be to come out to one's parents. I had trouble with my mother, who isn't homophobic (and in fact loves my boyfriend), but doesn't take so well to my being transgender. She thinks there is something wrong with me for wanting to be female when I was born male. She also said that when she took psychology classes back in university in the 1970s, she was taught that being homosexual was okay, but being transgender was an illness. I told her this is no longer what is taught in the field of psychology, but she's having a hard time dealing with it. My father is even worse. He is somewhat homophobic (although he's okay with my boyfriend), and was totally dumbstruck when I told him about being transgendered. He says absolutely nothing about it at all, and seems to want to pretend that it isn't an issue. When I walk around in women's clothing (which is often), he'll just stare at me with a disapproving frown and be silent, which to me is worse than him saying, "I hate it when you dress like that." I know that's what is going through his mind, but he'll just stare and be totally silent.

I'm glad you've come to this community. In my short time here, I've noticed how caring everyone is here, and I've felt the love that permeates the community. I feel it might be good for you to at least try and seek out a psychologist. Even if there doesn't seem to be anybody down who specializes in gender therapy, you might at least be able to have someone to confide in and someone who would be able to help you cope with things like anxiety and depression.

I wish you the best! You've got friends here!

~Matty J.

[Guest Leo the First]

Hi Leo...I'm having this problem at the moment too. I'm thinking that we are so anxious to come out to everyone and be our self that we forget these things take a long time to happen. Even if you do tell your parents and get treatment tomorrow your voice and everything will not suddenly change to male and everyone still wont respect you for male. In one article I read the person compared transition to school. You start in the first grade not knowing so much and try your best to graduate to being your chosen gender. I guess a therapist is like your teacher and can give you lots of help on the way I imagine. I'd say take thing slow and don't worry about what your parents will say for now. Just do you own things and get lots of advice from other transgender people . Thats what I'm trying to do anyway.

Ah, true, true. Thanks xD; I was getting ahead of myself I think.

It's just kinda like mngh waiting is hard.

Thank you though :'D

[Guest Leo the First]

I know how difficult it can be to come out to one's parents. I had trouble with my mother, who isn't homophobic (and in fact loves my boyfriend), but doesn't take so well to my being transgender. She thinks there is something wrong with me for wanting to be female when I was born male. She also said that when she took psychology classes back in university in the 1970s, she was taught that being homosexual was okay, but being transgender was an illness. I told her this is no longer what is taught in the field of psychology, but she's having a hard time dealing with it. My father is even worse. He is somewhat homophobic (although he's okay with my boyfriend), and was totally dumbstruck when I told him about being transgendered. He says absolutely nothing about it at all, and seems to want to pretend that it isn't an issue. When I walk around in women's clothing (which is often), he'll just stare at me with a disapproving frown and be silent, which to me is worse than him saying, "I hate it when you dress like that." I know that's what is going through his mind, but he'll just stare and be totally silent.

I'm glad you've come to this community. In my short time here, I've noticed how caring everyone is here, and I've felt the love that permeates the community. I feel it might be good for you to at least try and seek out a psychologist. Even if there doesn't seem to be anybody down who specializes in gender therapy, you might at least be able to have someone to confide in and someone who would be able to help you cope with things like anxiety and depression.

I wish you the best! You've got friends here!

~Matty J.

Thank you a lot ; A ; those were really kind and thoughtful words. Thank you :'D

I did find somebody, he's a really nice person, a ftm as well so I'm just really glad. Thank you so much!

[gennee]

Hi, Leo. Your post is very interesting. I came out over five years ago at age fifty-six. my wife was shocked when I told her. She accepts that I am transgender and so does my son. I really don't know what to say except to stay positive. Keep learning about yourself and embrace your experiences. You day will come.

Gennee