I Know How To Do It

[Guest NatalieRene]

I had a funny experience at work today. I had to make a wire to hook it up to a control system that is going to be a slave to the test system to get it to function as one. I've made these simple cables a thousand times but today while asking for some wire to make one my coworker took the time to explain to me how I need to do it. Like I didn't know how to do it and needed help making it. It was really sweet but at the same time it was like I know how to do this thank you. I ended up just smiling and letting him show me how to do it because I didn't want to be rude.

I don't know if thats typical but it struck me as odd.

[Guest jrm]

ummm how did you manage to let him tell you how to do it

i mean i would have blown up in his face

[Guest NatalieRene]

ummm how did you manage to let him tell you how to do it

i mean i would have blown up in his face

Well he wasn't being mean. I know him well and can tell when he is helping and when he is being a jerk. In this case he was trying to help. I don't know why he thought I didn't know how to do it. I guess maybe I'm just a passive person. I just let him tell me how to do it. I don't know it seemed to make him happy.

[Carolyn Marie]

Natalie, you were acting like a woman. That's what happened.

Women ask "may I have it?" Men say "I want it." Women accept direction, men give direction. Women show, men instruct.

Yes, its sexist to a degree, and yes, what I said is stereotyping, but it is very typical. Not every woman would acquiesce, but

many would. You did just fine, Natalie.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest NatalieRene]

Ok so I guess he's not thinking of me as a guy anymore at all. Well I guess thats a major bonus. Come to think of it there have only been two slip ups on my name over the last two weeks but never the pronouns by anyone.

Does happen to relate at all as to why after I complained about how much time it was going to take to wire the test system that he would spend the entire day wiring it up like it was a installation project for me? I mean it was one passing comment and he practically came running.

[Sakura]

welcome to the wide world of being a woman, men just have an instictive nature to help women . but in the same breath men think they are the absalute final athority on everything. don't take it the wrong way. it just means he acknowleges you as being female .

Sakura

[Guest Donna Jean]

.

That's a sweet post, Natalie....

I'm getting that, too....

The guys at work are holding doors open for me when before they'd just let them shut in my face...

And things that I've done for ages gets help now....

Learn to live with it, Girlfriend....

That's where ya live now...

Huggs

Donna Jean

[Guest NatalieRene]

welcome to the wide world of being a woman, men just have an instictive nature to help women . but in the same breath men think they are the absalute final athority on everything. don't take it the wrong way. it just means he acknowleges you as being female .

Sakura

Wait is this the reaction where if I express concern that something might not work out that they call me emotional or stop worrying I know what I'm doing? I get that a lot.

.

That's a sweet post, Natalie....

I'm getting that, too....

The guys at work are holding doors open for me when before they'd just let them shut in my face...

And things that I've done for ages gets help now....

Learn to live with it, Girlfriend....

That's where ya live now...

Huggs

Donna Jean

I've never had the door shut in my face before, but I've also never had anyone take a last second rush to the door open it and with a goofy smile on their face and wave me through. I'll never admit to them that the door has gotten heavier but I can still open the thing. It has it's pluses though because I don't have to worry about chipping a nail but I'm still adjusting to it.

[JJ]

Welcome to the Wonderful World of Women. Men will be attentive and helpful. Its sweet

They will also treat you as though you just lost 50 points on IQ. And you will have to work twice as hard to get your point across or be seen as competent. Not so sweet.

Especially since it is inculcated since birth and not done with any awareness or ill intent.

Not all men. Not all the time but I fear it is a majority.

And it is nice that the people you work with are now seeing you as a woman-I'm sure you'll be able to convince them you didn't lose intelligence or competence in the transition!

Hugs

JohnJ

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Yes - everyone was really on the mark with their comments. I would add that you now have to make a major decision, and that is if you do or do not want to slip into that world. Women - especially women who are smart and articulate - sometimes have to play a 'little me' female role. It is a stereotype of course, similar to when YOU were male and were the one rushing to hold open the door with a goofy smile on YOUR face.

It's a choice, I think. We now have to accept the perks with the associated patrionizing behavior - or become somewhat 'feminist.' I think it is a balance, though. We have all the bad anyway, so why not accept the good. But we should not overdo the 'helpless female role.' So we are polite, and secretely smile. Women have been doing that for 200,000 years ever since the invention of the door on the cave opening.

An eyeopener for you I imagine!

Lizzy

[Paula ult]

Natalie,

Some people think that when we transition, in addition to our physical appearance changing, our brains dump all the knowledge we have learned over the years, could be that but most likely he sees you as Natalie now.

This reminds me of of something that happened in January this year, my now ex who is FtM and i went to the Home Depot to get a part for my toilet, i ask the sales guy where the part was, he hands it to me, i looked at it and told him this will not fit, he said it would, i tried to explain to him why it would not, he turned to my partner like i was not even there and said i have worked in plumbing over 20 years, i know what i am talking about, we took the part.

I thought about it later, i was kinda offended that he talked like i was not even there, but he saw me as a women and i think he was offended that i, a women would question his expertise, it is one of those moments we all hope for, being seen as who we are.

Paula

[Guest Donna Jean]

.

Lizzy has it right...find that happy medium....

Take the perks and show your competence...

The other day on the way home from work I stopped at a grocery store for an item...on my way out a "Good 'ole boy" was comming in...he already had his hand on the door on the outside and was opening it to come in...

So I stopped to the side to let him through....

He oppened the door and stepped aside and motioned for me to come through...when I balked he insisted...

As I walked through he smiled and touched the bill of his cap...

And I walked away smiling....that was nice...

New set of rules to learn...

Donna Jean

[Guest NatalieRene]

It doesn't seem limited to work either. I was talking with a guy last night who was asking me out for the weekend. But I noticed his ring finger had a pale band of skin around it. So I asked him if he was recently divorced and he responded that no he's never been married. I just got up and started to walk away and he grabbed my arm to ask where I was going. I had to tell him to let go of me and stated if he was single he wouldn't have the mark of a married man on his finger. He tried to say it was from a class ring but I didn't buy it because it was so thin ad why take it off now if you wore it so much that it made a band of pale skin around your finger.

Where are the nice men? They seem really hard to find.

I really like the perks. If I accept the patronizing behavior that comes along with it, is it alright for me to maybe steer them in the direction I want them to go? Thats not too manipulative is it?

[Guest Elizabeth K]

It doesn't seem limited to work either. I was talking with a guy last night who was asking me out for the weekend. But I noticed his ring finger had a pale band of skin around it. So I asked him if he was recently divorced and he responded that no he's never been married. I just got up and started to walk away and he grabbed my arm to ask where I was going. I had to tell him to let go of me and stated if he was single he wouldn't have the mark of a married man on his finger. He tried to say it was from a class ring but I didn't buy it because it was so thin ad why take it off now if you wore it so much that it made a band of pale skin around your finger.

Where are the nice men? They seem really hard to find.

I really like the perks. If I accept the patronizing behavior that comes along with it, is it alright for me to maybe steer them in the direction I want them to go? Thats not too manipulative is it?

PERFECT!

Lizzy

[Guest Donna Jean]

I just got up and started to walk away and he grabbed my arm to ask where I was going.

Oh my goodness....

I'm afraid that If a man did to me, he'd pull back a stump......

Donna Jean

[Guest NatalieRene]

PERFECT!

Lizzy

So that's a yes? Ok I can do that I think.

Oh my goodness....

I'm afraid that If a man did to me, he'd pull back a stump......

Donna Jean

I'm not that strong. I know how to get out of a grip like that by turning towards the thumb and sliding out but I don't have the upper body strength to do any real damage. Honestly it didn't occur to me to fight though I was more upset that he was a cheating dirt bag and just wanted to go.

[Sakura]

could have been an easy mistake to make. i wear rings on almost all of my fingers. one my mom gave me when i first started transition. i wear on my ring finger. it rarely ever comes off and, it has worn a mark into my finger . i get the odd questing when i don't were it out. like wise my BF wore his class ring until a year ago. and he still has a mark from it . but 9 times out of 10 they are or were recently married .

same thing happens to me paula . when ever. i go to home depot, or auto zone . if anthony is with me . i eventually get phased out of the convo. specially if i am the one that asks the question . so now. i just coach tony on what to say and ask and let him do all the talking. like not to long ago we replaced the wheel bearing in our car . i didn't have the tools, so. i took it to this guy anthony knows . after 20 minutes of explaining to him what i i was pretty sure it was, ( the passenger side wheel bearing ). hechanges the drivers side wheel bearing . tells me its fine and proceeds to tell me the thumping noise im hearing is a transmission problem. so a week or two later i send tony back over there . saying its the passengers side wheel bearing. with out so much a second guess ricky changed it. and sure enough it was the problem. * rolls eyes*

same with my uncles , i went home for a visit pulled in to the drive, and my car was making a noise . so. i popped the hood . i didnt know what it was so i called my uncle richard and my step dad . with in 20 minutes, all my uncles were there, and i got totally phased out of the process. if i asked a question , or made a comment as to what. i thought it might be . they all stop look at me for a moment then go on like i didn't say anything. but as sooon as they all wanted something to drink then. then what i had to say counted so long as it was " what do you want a coke pepsi or beer ?"

and also i don't know if this is universal or not. but many of the guys i have dated tony included . would rather chew off both of their arms than let me drive. tony one night was waaaaaay to drunk to drive . he begged and pleaded with me to give him the keys. me his sister and a friend had to physically put him in the car..... he acted like a kid that didn't get what they wanted in a store . then for the next few days refused to speak to me. i think it demasculinized him or something. he polished his motor cycle . twice in two days lol

men are just wierd like that sometimes i guess

Sakura

[Guest NatalieRene]

And what's up with the cat calls?

[Guest Elizabeth K]

And what's up with the cat calls?

Welcome to the club! It's an affirmation at first, but eventually it cam be annoying - especially from 'UGLY" stupid guys!

Lizzy

OH OH OH - I wanted to add, you find men will focus on your body parts and that gives a clue how well you are being accepted. Men checking out breasts is a given - pretty well universal for all women I think. But maybe I have good legs. I was in line at Walgreen's and caught the guy in front AND behind me looking at my legs! Maybe because I am so tall.

[Guest Donna Jean]

I was in line at Walgreen's and caught the guy in front AND behind me looking at my legs! Maybe because I am so tall.

Yes, I'm sure that's it......not because you have nice legs....just 'cause you're so tall....lol

Donna Jean

[Guest NatalieRene]

Welcome to the club! It's an affirmation at first, but eventually it cam be annoying - especially from 'UGLY" stupid guys!

Lizzy

OH OH OH - I wanted to add, you find men will focus on your body parts and that gives a clue how well you are being accepted. Men checking out breasts is a given - pretty well universal for all women I think. But maybe I have good legs. I was in line at Walgreen's and caught the guy in front AND behind me looking at my legs! Maybe because I am so tall.

Lizzy I am almost certain he was looking at your butt and not your legs until you turned around. Most men speak to my chest now too.

[Guest AshleyRF]

welcome to the wide world of being a woman, men just have an instictive nature to help women . but in the same breath men think they are the absalute final athority on everything. don't take it the wrong way. it just means he acknowleges you as being female .

Sakura

You hit the nail on the head with that one. Men think they are the end all be all when it comes to everything. I'm not sure they will ever learn that women are by nature far superior beings.

[Guest Donna Jean]

I'm not sure they will ever learn that women are by nature far superior beings.

You got it, girl!

Donna Jean

[Guest NatalieRene]

Well another week another sexual harassment. I was at Starbucks across from my office ordering a smoothie and the guy started to make the wrong one so I tried to correct him by telling no I want a strawberry one. In response he tells me "listen toots I know what you ordered." I was like what did you call me?! and he shooshed me. I was so upset I left the drink there and didn't pay. He comes running out like oh I'm sorry I was just teasing and from out of no where, and I don't know what happened, I started crying and told him it wasn't ok and that I was upset.

I can't believe I started crying over that especially to him. Gah what the heck is wrong with me?

[Guest Donna Jean]

I can't believe I started crying over that especially to him. Gah what the heck is wrong with me?

Nothing is wrong with you, Hon.....

That is part of the way that we cope now....

I've been so upset that I've cried, too....frustration....

HUGGS

Donna Jean