Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Always Wondering


Guest mia 1

Recommended Posts

So once again I approach a birthday and once again my hidden gender demands daylight and fresh air and still day after day and year after year I wonder what, why and how does this envelopment of woman hood enter into my life and why is it so strong that I need my Mia time alone and so totally comfortable in that mode.....I don't know. Therapists don't know....and I've been to my share of them.....wife doesn't know and doesn't want to know...lady confidant knows and doesn't care but has no real interest in that part of my life....so I go on happy. sappy and wondering and sometimes very sad and then satisfied...

Porn doesn't do it and "coupling" with my wife doesn't do it....the only thing that works well are clothes. Mostly under clothes and the accessories don't seem that necessary...

So cool. have been this way for more than half a century and I'll pass on to the great Yonder and will go out and I wonder if the last thoughts I have will be as Mia or my male self..or a combination of both....

No don't misinterpret as suicide...just looking at the inevitable when you are reach a certain age......

Link to comment

Mia,

I really do understand.

Moments alone, nobody really comprehending or really caring. And looking back at one's life and trying to make some sense of it all.

One of the joys and sorrows of aging.

Hugs

Chloë

Link to comment
Guest Elizabeth K

Honey - one very dear friend to another here - I watch you struggle so!

And you have many here who love you - but did you see the flower/trees in Avatar? You touched them and they suddenly coiled up and shrank into the ground. You tend to be like that - we touch you and you seem to disappear. I decided the last time to let you have time, time to work things out. I knew you would be back - have to be here where people know you. And Mia, I know you fight it so, but my Mia, my dearest Mia... you are gender dysphoric - that's all. It isn't a disease, it isn't a perversion, you simply have this condition.

Now we are different you and I... and I know how it can be with you. I - like your therapist(s)- suspect you are not truly transsexual, because you so love the masculine part of yourself - not just the sexual aspects of your masculinity, but most all parts of being a man. And you seemingly truly love women way more, so you feel, than a transsexual MTF ever could. Who are you?

Then the next day you are truly a woman - heart and mind. It's so strong! It overwhelms! So then what is that called?

I say to you - stop adding and subtracting labels. Like me you are getting waaaaaaay to old for all this self doubt. It is better for me because I lucked out - found I was a typical MTF transperson - and opting to transition worked perfectly for me.

You are feel you are so unfortunate in that way - no resolution - at least so far. But I see an error in your thinking? Why not just give in - accept yourself "UNLABELED" and be that happy person you are... a male bodied person (no specific gender) expressing your feminine side when it is just right?

HA! A cross dresser on steroids? WOW - funny way to put it! But that is just a funny joke I made up. You may NEVER know what you are - WE may never know what you are - but so what!

We love you so much. You are a wonder - a sensitive and loving person, smart and funny, and a really good friend to have!

So MIA? My advice? Love yourself! And maybe just be what you are. Thats all I have to say - except HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Your devoted friend - Lizzy

Link to comment
Guest Donna Jean

Hello, Mia, my wonderful friend...

So nice to see you back from your travels...

Wow, it's getting to be that you and I and Lizzy and a few others can say that we go "way back" here at Lauras..

Lifelong friends...

When I saw that you were here I got excited to hear what you had to say...and how you've been....

I'm so happy that you stopped in....

You know what to do if you have anything ctyptic to say...ok?....lol

Love you so.....

Dee Jay

Link to comment
  • Admin

Dear Mia,

Sometimes there really are no answers. We just are.

If you can reach that happy place where you can experience your womanhood, then that is where you should be as often as you need

to. Whether anyone understands, even yourself, is really not important.

Happiness is a very transitory feeling, sweet Mia. It is as hard to capture as a flying butterfly or a wisp of wind, but when you

feel it, it is real and powerful.

Wear your clothes and be happy, my friend. For as long as it lasts, for as long as you last.

Love

Carolyn Marie

Link to comment

Life only exists through physical chance, as does everything, physics and chemistry, governed by math. the first life forms were merely chemical reactions that were conscious that they were chemically reacting. Humans are certainly more complicated, as our world is, but the fact is its all just physics and math, it always has been before humans or life at all, and it always will be physics math and chemistry after all life is gone forever. The fact that we have neurons in our brains that observe the world and process the information for data on survival.

In the end nothing matters, except what matters to those neurons. Why do they matter? Physics, math, chemistry.

Link to comment

And your point is?

We are just proto and ecto plasm floating around in a non feeling nihilistic pool of darkness with no control of ourselves. That everything we do is controlled by cosmic laws of the universe?

And that the free will we perceive is a chimera, an illusion and nothing is as it appears to be?

Extrapolate please.

Thanks,

A confused Mia

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   4 Members, 0 Anonymous, 158 Guests (See full list)

    • Sally Stone
    • KathyLauren
    • VickySGV
    • Abigail Genevieve
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      769.5k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,067
    • Most Online
      8,356

    autumn hill
    Newest Member
    autumn hill
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Ay-la
      Ay-la
      (51 years old)
    2. Camille
      Camille
      (48 years old)
    3. Dressupdoll
      Dressupdoll
      (57 years old)
    4. iliya
      iliya
      (37 years old)
    5. KaylaH
      KaylaH
      (48 years old)
  • Posts

    • Ashley0616
      Just like anything else that is new it's always the thing that people fear of. People are typically afraid of change. Even something as simple as new procedure at work or the population growing. Typically just have the mindset of it's not broken then don't fix it type of attitude. The world is progressing and they need to accept that or they will eventually be left behind. A good example after WW II women working in the workforce things didn't go well at all due to a lot of butting heads. There are still even people now that think women are only meant for housework and raising babies. 
    • RaineOnYourParade
      I've actually seen a lot of people who at least tolerate the LGB and not the T. There's also some of the gay/lesbian population that, unfortunately, alienate trans people away from other parts of the community.   To me, the biggest block is probably the lack of formal exposure. If people aren't taught about LGBT they will, just like any other topic, come to misunderstandings and more. Besides, how can most LGBT people figure out that they are such if they don't know it exists? I know that, personally, I didn't realize I was a guy rather than just someone who wanted to be a guy until I was introduced to trans as a concept 
    • Ashley0616
      You're welcome. I wanted to post something new that I haven't posted yet.   
    • Ashley0616
      That's a lot of weight congratulations. I was almost about to become a K9 handler in the Air Force back in 2006 but I found out that once you get promoted to E7 you lose your dog. You can get it at E4 as long as they need them but it is usually E5. If you don't understand military jargon, I'll help you out. I didn't want to join the Marines because I actually like to be treated better. I was Security Forces and performed security, law enforcement and everything you could think of such as convoying, fire fights, search pit just to name some. It also helped that I had family that was Air Force and I went through Air Force Junior Reserves Officer Training Corps so I knew the basics of Air Force already. That's awesome that you have goals in life. I hope you get it. 
    • Davie
      Not sure what category I'd call this—don't care—I like American music. Any American. Thanks, @Ashley0616
    • Ashley0616
      @FelixThePickleManTrust me I know the feeling. I didn't have the guts to come out that young. It wasn't well known back then. I knew I felt completely wrong. I knew for sure my parents weren't going to help me so I hid it all. It hurt a lot to live a lie. I always pretended to be the female that I was dating. I prayed and cried every night. It's not easy because bullying has always been around and the teachers didn't really care about that stuff back then.    You can make it through this. I would like to help you out just like I have with previous members. It's going to be up to you if you would like it. It's not going to happen overnight I can promise you that. For every negative thing or comment it typically needs double the number for positive things to feel better about yourself. You unfortunately are living with your parents which they are getting used to you coming out too. Sometimes coming out you're going to lose a lot of support. I lost over 40 family members but I'm happier than what I was. I still look at the mirror and still have my issues which is typical because we know our own faults and short comings. You have to value yourself. There isn't going to be an easy life. We all face many obstacles and it's harder for the ones that have something else to deal with.   We aren't in the same boat as some people are in yachts, cruise ships, and so on. There are perks and cons to each one. The best thing is to find something that you are great at and focus on that while trying to improve on the little things. Some have rituals everyday such as a new Bible verse that is related to what you are going through or a poem there are many poems for everything. 
    • Mmindy
      G'day @Vivelacors   Welcome to Transgender Pulse Forums, I hope you find this place as informative and helpful as I do.   Best wishes, stay positive, and safe,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Mmindy
      Tonight we will split a thick cut ribeye steak grilled outside, along with fresh asparagus shoots, apple sauce, and fresh cucumber salad. The steak has already been seasoned, wrapped in butcher paper resting to room temperature. The cucumber salad is blended and resting in the refrigerator.   Tomorrow's dinner will be Chicken drumsticks (skin on) that are already marinating in Zesty Italian dressing. Tomorrow I will smoke the drumsticks with apple-wood smoke, before crisping them up on the grill. We'll also have grilling beans, and garlic mashed potatoes.   The outside kitchen is now open.   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • missyjo
      red n black cotton n lace top...long flared jeans n 4 inch wedges hugs
    • MaeBe
      Clutching of pearls because people that don’t “align with society” party to excess is part of the problem, not a symptom of one. Cis-het folks are out there airing their sexuality, reveling in their debauchery, and displaying general anti-social behaviors all the time but aren’t reacted to in the same manner.   The most important T in this conversation is Time. As long as there is not a fascist, violent, crackdown on LGBTQ+ people, our exposure to society (at least in Western society) will continue to move it towards our acceptance.
    • Ashley0616
      Chicken drumsticks by the air fryer. 
    • MaeBe
      I have three within a two block walk! You'd think I was in Seattle already! The one I have always gone to is the quintessential "local coffee shop" though; local artist's works on the wall, drinks named after customers and local geography, and it's run down just enough to feel homey. Also, I can bring my 20oz coffee mug in and get it filled for the price of a small! :D
    • MaeBe
      Eczema was my excuse. *high fives!*   It's lovely when you get a nice interaction like that. Yesterday I got a "you're so sweet" from a man who I held the door for, I don't think he saw all of me until after he'd walked past so he only picked up on my outfit and body appearance. I was so paranoid that I used too male of a voice in return, but c'est la vie. I felt really nice after it though.   I tend to try to put in a lot of effort. If I wear make up, it has to be perfect, etc. I put this pressure on myself because I, too, don't have a chance in h-e-double hockey sticks at "passing".  So, I try not to make myself an "easy target".
    • KathyLauren
      It's just the opposite here.  There are a ton of local boutique coffee roasters in this area.  There is no excuse for bad coffee here, which is why I am always surprised when I get mediocre truck-stop coffee in restaurants.
    • Ashley0616
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...