Andre Updates.

[Guest thefireship]

I love how I can come here, read and then have the burning desire to crab about my situation fall off the cliff quicker than a drunken donkey. No really, this is a good thing. It means that by the mere existence of you posting people, I can't help but feel less alone about junk. But because I don't want to be so infrequent around here as to be forgotten (ego, yeah just a bit) I'm going to launch this rocket.

In our last episode...

I went to Alaska and came back. No gender-related issues were brought up, which was relieving. However, there was the New Dread of now being more free to get some progressions underway. However, I cut my hair anyways. I suppose its still a tad on the gender neutral side but its a step in the direction I want. A few days later I had to go over to the 'rents house for something. Mom instantly noticed the change, put her disappointed face on and asked me if I actually liked it. Thanks Mom. I told her it needed a bit of professional fixing (and it kinda does) but that I did, in fact, like it. It was left at that but she acted bummy the rest of the time I was there and I couldn't help but think it is due to her seeing more changes she doesn't want to see, speak of, or even acknowledge.

My birthday was coming up (it was this last weekend) and what could have been nice, introspective thoughts about it being my first birthday to pass where I've accepted who I am, I have to admit it was a right bit depressing. See, I have a few other transguys as buds (albeit all but one ain't local) and seemingly every single one of them had reached a milestone over the last month. Milestones I'm no where near. I'm talking about official name changes, marks and surgeries. *insert ye olde dramatic sigh here*

Adding to this is the fact that, to my knowledge, all but one of them have some sort of family support going on, whereas I am not permitted to so much as bring up the subject anymore. Yes, I got a big green eyed monster for my birthday and its not the cool, action-figure kind of monster. I've been... keeping my monster away from the success of my buds, however. I mean, I know I wouldn't want anyone raining on my milestones.

So! Where does all this leave me? It leaves me with a wee bit of birthday money to spend on another therapy session. I have had some nervousness about that, but I already posted that in the therapy-related section of the forum. I think it'll be alright, I just need to clear a few things up with the guy.

All in all, life ain't too shabby. No stresses are hitting critical mass, so I feel I can't complain. With the birthday, however, my thoughts have been on general overdrive about life and where I am with myself, etc. I can say for certain I am much more sure of myself than I was but a couple of months back. This is a great thing, but I still have a long way to go and I still feel like I could use more local friends who are going through similar.

There's a group about an hour out from me I am considering checking out. I think I'd like to poke in there and see what that's about before anything new comes along that would leave me feeling desperate about it. I'd rather play it casual, not go there with an internal frenzied state of mind. I believe I'd get the most benefit out of it this way.

Also, it would be GREAT if we got some cooler weather down here. I'd so love not to sweat like a pig while binding for a while. Stupid Florida... 8|

Until next time!